assignment on interpersonal communication

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6.2 Conflict and Interpersonal Communication

Learning objectives.

• Define interpersonal conflict.
• Compare and contrast the five styles of interpersonal conflict management.
• Explain how perception and culture influence interpersonal conflict.
• List strategies for effectively managing conflict.

Who do you have the most conflict with right now? Your answer to this question probably depends on the various contexts in your life. If you still live at home with a parent or parents, you may have daily conflicts with your family as you try to balance your autonomy, or desire for independence, with the practicalities of living under your family’s roof. If you’ve recently moved away to go to college, you may be negotiating roommate conflicts as you adjust to living with someone you may not know at all. You probably also have experiences managing conflict in romantic relationships and in the workplace. So think back and ask yourself, “How well do I handle conflict?” As with all areas of communication, we can improve if we have the background knowledge to identify relevant communication phenomena and the motivation to reflect on and enhance our communication skills.

Interpersonal conflict occurs in interactions where there are real or perceived incompatible goals, scarce resources, or opposing viewpoints. Interpersonal conflict may be expressed verbally or nonverbally along a continuum ranging from a nearly imperceptible cold shoulder to a very obvious blowout. Interpersonal conflict is, however, distinct from interpersonal violence, which goes beyond communication to include abuse. Domestic violence is a serious issue and is discussed in the section “The Dark Side of Relationships.”

Interpersonal conflict is distinct from interpersonal violence, which goes beyond communication to include abuse.

Bobafred – Fist Fight – CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

Conflict is an inevitable part of close relationships and can take a negative emotional toll. It takes effort to ignore someone or be passive aggressive, and the anger or guilt we may feel after blowing up at someone are valid negative feelings. However, conflict isn’t always negative or unproductive. In fact, numerous research studies have shown that quantity of conflict in a relationship is not as important as how the conflict is handled (Markman et al., 1993). Additionally, when conflict is well managed, it has the potential to lead to more rewarding and satisfactory relationships (Canary & Messman, 2000).

Improving your competence in dealing with conflict can yield positive effects in the real world. Since conflict is present in our personal and professional lives, the ability to manage conflict and negotiate desirable outcomes can help us be more successful at both. Whether you and your partner are trying to decide what brand of flat-screen television to buy or discussing the upcoming political election with your mother, the potential for conflict is present. In professional settings, the ability to engage in conflict management, sometimes called conflict resolution, is a necessary and valued skill. However, many professionals do not receive training in conflict management even though they are expected to do it as part of their job (Gates, 2006). A lack of training and a lack of competence could be a recipe for disaster, which is illustrated in an episode of The Office titled “Conflict Resolution.” In the episode, Toby, the human-resources officer, encourages office employees to submit anonymous complaints about their coworkers. Although Toby doesn’t attempt to resolve the conflicts, the employees feel like they are being heard. When Michael, the manager, finds out there is unresolved conflict, he makes the anonymous complaints public in an attempt to encourage resolution, which backfires, creating more conflict within the office. As usual, Michael doesn’t demonstrate communication competence; however, there are career paths for people who do have an interest in or talent for conflict management. In fact, being a mediator was named one of the best careers for 2011 by U.S. News and World Report . [1] Many colleges and universities now offer undergraduate degrees, graduate degrees, or certificates in conflict resolution, such as this one at the University of North Carolina Greensboro: http://conflictstudies.uncg.edu/site . Being able to manage conflict situations can make life more pleasant rather than letting a situation stagnate or escalate. The negative effects of poorly handled conflict could range from an awkward last few weeks of the semester with a college roommate to violence or divorce. However, there is no absolute right or wrong way to handle a conflict. Remember that being a competent communicator doesn’t mean that you follow a set of absolute rules. Rather, a competent communicator assesses multiple contexts and applies or adapts communication tools and skills to fit the dynamic situation.

Conflict Management Styles

Would you describe yourself as someone who prefers to avoid conflict? Do you like to get your way? Are you good at working with someone to reach a solution that is mutually beneficial? Odds are that you have been in situations where you could answer yes to each of these questions, which underscores the important role context plays in conflict and conflict management styles in particular. The way we view and deal with conflict is learned and contextual. Is the way you handle conflicts similar to the way your parents handle conflict? If you’re of a certain age, you are likely predisposed to answer this question with a certain “No!” It wasn’t until my late twenties and early thirties that I began to see how similar I am to my parents, even though I, like many, spent years trying to distinguish myself from them. Research does show that there is intergenerational transmission of traits related to conflict management. As children, we test out different conflict resolution styles we observe in our families with our parents and siblings. Later, as we enter adolescence and begin developing platonic and romantic relationships outside the family, we begin testing what we’ve learned from our parents in other settings. If a child has observed and used negative conflict management styles with siblings or parents, he or she is likely to exhibit those behaviors with non–family members (Reese-Weber & Bartle-Haring, 1998).

There has been much research done on different types of conflict management styles, which are communication strategies that attempt to avoid, address, or resolve a conflict. Keep in mind that we don’t always consciously choose a style. We may instead be caught up in emotion and become reactionary. The strategies for more effectively managing conflict that will be discussed later may allow you to slow down the reaction process, become more aware of it, and intervene in the process to improve your communication. A powerful tool to mitigate conflict is information exchange. Asking for more information before you react to a conflict-triggering event is a good way to add a buffer between the trigger and your reaction. Another key element is whether or not a communicator is oriented toward self-centered or other-centered goals. For example, if your goal is to “win” or make the other person “lose,” you show a high concern for self and a low concern for other. If your goal is to facilitate a “win/win” resolution or outcome, you show a high concern for self and other. In general, strategies that facilitate information exchange and include concern for mutual goals will be more successful at managing conflict (Sillars, 1980).

The five strategies for managing conflict we will discuss are competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromising, and collaborating. Each of these conflict styles accounts for the concern we place on self versus other (see Figure 6.1 “Five Styles of Interpersonal Conflict Management” ).

Figure 6.1 Five Styles of Interpersonal Conflict Management

Source: Adapted from M. Afzalur Rahim, “A Measure of Styles of Handling Interpersonal Conflict,” Academy of Management Journal 26, no. 2 (1983): 368–76.

In order to better understand the elements of the five styles of conflict management, we will apply each to the follow scenario. Rosa and D’Shaun have been partners for seventeen years. Rosa is growing frustrated because D’Shaun continues to give money to their teenage daughter, Casey, even though they decided to keep the teen on a fixed allowance to try to teach her more responsibility. While conflicts regarding money and child rearing are very common, we will see the numerous ways that Rosa and D’Shaun could address this problem.

The competing style indicates a high concern for self and a low concern for other. When we compete, we are striving to “win” the conflict, potentially at the expense or “loss” of the other person. One way we may gauge our win is by being granted or taking concessions from the other person. For example, if D’Shaun gives Casey extra money behind Rosa’s back, he is taking an indirect competitive route resulting in a “win” for him because he got his way. The competing style also involves the use of power, which can be noncoercive or coercive (Sillars, 1980). Noncoercive strategies include requesting and persuading. When requesting, we suggest the conflict partner change a behavior. Requesting doesn’t require a high level of information exchange. When we persuade, however, we give our conflict partner reasons to support our request or suggestion, meaning there is more information exchange, which may make persuading more effective than requesting. Rosa could try to persuade D’Shaun to stop giving Casey extra allowance money by bringing up their fixed budget or reminding him that they are saving for a summer vacation. Coercive strategies violate standard guidelines for ethical communication and may include aggressive communication directed at rousing your partner’s emotions through insults, profanity, and yelling, or through threats of punishment if you do not get your way. If Rosa is the primary income earner in the family, she could use that power to threaten to take D’Shaun’s ATM card away if he continues giving Casey money. In all these scenarios, the “win” that could result is only short term and can lead to conflict escalation. Interpersonal conflict is rarely isolated, meaning there can be ripple effects that connect the current conflict to previous and future conflicts. D’Shaun’s behind-the-scenes money giving or Rosa’s confiscation of the ATM card could lead to built-up negative emotions that could further test their relationship.

Competing has been linked to aggression, although the two are not always paired. If assertiveness does not work, there is a chance it could escalate to hostility. There is a pattern of verbal escalation: requests, demands, complaints, angry statements, threats, harassment, and verbal abuse (Johnson & Roloff, 2000). Aggressive communication can become patterned, which can create a volatile and hostile environment. The reality television show The Bad Girls Club is a prime example of a chronically hostile and aggressive environment. If you do a Google video search for clips from the show, you will see yelling, screaming, verbal threats, and some examples of physical violence. The producers of the show choose houseguests who have histories of aggression, and when the “bad girls” are placed in a house together, they fall into typical patterns, which creates dramatic television moments. Obviously, living in this type of volatile environment would create stressors in any relationship, so it’s important to monitor the use of competing as a conflict resolution strategy to ensure that it does not lapse into aggression.

The competing style of conflict management is not the same thing as having a competitive personality. Competition in relationships isn’t always negative, and people who enjoy engaging in competition may not always do so at the expense of another person’s goals. In fact, research has shown that some couples engage in competitive shared activities like sports or games to maintain and enrich their relationship (Dindia & Baxter, 1987). And although we may think that competitiveness is gendered, research has often shown that women are just as competitive as men (Messman & Mikesell, 2000).

The avoiding style of conflict management often indicates a low concern for self and a low concern for other, and no direct communication about the conflict takes place. However, as we will discuss later, in some cultures that emphasize group harmony over individual interests, and even in some situations in the United States, avoiding a conflict can indicate a high level of concern for the other. In general, avoiding doesn’t mean that there is no communication about the conflict. Remember, you cannot not communicate . Even when we try to avoid conflict, we may intentionally or unintentionally give our feelings away through our verbal and nonverbal communication. Rosa’s sarcastic tone as she tells D’Shaun that he’s “Soooo good with money!” and his subsequent eye roll both bring the conflict to the surface without specifically addressing it. The avoiding style is either passive or indirect, meaning there is little information exchange, which may make this strategy less effective than others. We may decide to avoid conflict for many different reasons, some of which are better than others. If you view the conflict as having little importance to you, it may be better to ignore it. If the person you’re having conflict with will only be working in your office for a week, you may perceive a conflict to be temporary and choose to avoid it and hope that it will solve itself. If you are not emotionally invested in the conflict, you may be able to reframe your perspective and see the situation in a different way, therefore resolving the issue. In all these cases, avoiding doesn’t really require an investment of time, emotion, or communication skill, so there is not much at stake to lose.

Avoidance is not always an easy conflict management choice, because sometimes the person we have conflict with isn’t a temp in our office or a weekend houseguest. While it may be easy to tolerate a problem when you’re not personally invested in it or view it as temporary, when faced with a situation like Rosa and D’Shaun’s, avoidance would just make the problem worse. For example, avoidance could first manifest as changing the subject, then progress from avoiding the issue to avoiding the person altogether, to even ending the relationship.

Indirect strategies of hinting and joking also fall under the avoiding style. While these indirect avoidance strategies may lead to a buildup of frustration or even anger, they allow us to vent a little of our built-up steam and may make a conflict situation more bearable. When we hint, we drop clues that we hope our partner will find and piece together to see the problem and hopefully change, thereby solving the problem without any direct communication. In almost all the cases of hinting that I have experienced or heard about, the person dropping the hints overestimates their partner’s detective abilities. For example, when Rosa leaves the bank statement on the kitchen table in hopes that D’Shaun will realize how much extra money he is giving Casey, D’Shaun may simply ignore it or even get irritated with Rosa for not putting the statement with all the other mail. We also overestimate our partner’s ability to decode the jokes we make about a conflict situation. It is more likely that the receiver of the jokes will think you’re genuinely trying to be funny or feel provoked or insulted than realize the conflict situation that you are referencing. So more frustration may develop when the hints and jokes are not decoded, which often leads to a more extreme form of hinting/joking: passive-aggressive behavior.

Passive-aggressive behavior is a way of dealing with conflict in which one person indirectly communicates their negative thoughts or feelings through nonverbal behaviors, such as not completing a task. For example, Rosa may wait a few days to deposit money into the bank so D’Shaun can’t withdraw it to give to Casey, or D’Shaun may cancel plans for a romantic dinner because he feels like Rosa is questioning his responsibility with money. Although passive-aggressive behavior can feel rewarding in the moment, it is one of the most unproductive ways to deal with conflict. These behaviors may create additional conflicts and may lead to a cycle of passive-aggressiveness in which the other partner begins to exhibit these behaviors as well, while never actually addressing the conflict that originated the behavior. In most avoidance situations, both parties lose. However, as noted above, avoidance can be the most appropriate strategy in some situations—for example, when the conflict is temporary, when the stakes are low or there is little personal investment, or when there is the potential for violence or retaliation.

Accommodating

The accommodating conflict management style indicates a low concern for self and a high concern for other and is often viewed as passive or submissive, in that someone complies with or obliges another without providing personal input. The context for and motivation behind accommodating play an important role in whether or not it is an appropriate strategy. Generally, we accommodate because we are being generous, we are obeying, or we are yielding (Bobot, 2010). If we are being generous, we accommodate because we genuinely want to; if we are obeying, we don’t have a choice but to accommodate (perhaps due to the potential for negative consequences or punishment); and if we yield, we may have our own views or goals but give up on them due to fatigue, time constraints, or because a better solution has been offered. Accommodating can be appropriate when there is little chance that our own goals can be achieved, when we don’t have much to lose by accommodating, when we feel we are wrong, or when advocating for our own needs could negatively affect the relationship (Isenhart & Spangle, 2000). The occasional accommodation can be useful in maintaining a relationship—remember earlier we discussed putting another’s needs before your own as a way to achieve relational goals. For example, Rosa may say, “It’s OK that you gave Casey some extra money; she did have to spend more on gas this week since the prices went up.” However, being a team player can slip into being a pushover, which people generally do not appreciate. If Rosa keeps telling D’Shaun, “It’s OK this time,” they may find themselves short on spending money at the end of the month. At that point, Rosa and D’Shaun’s conflict may escalate as they question each other’s motives, or the conflict may spread if they direct their frustration at Casey and blame it on her irresponsibility.

Research has shown that the accommodating style is more likely to occur when there are time restraints and less likely to occur when someone does not want to appear weak (Cai & Fink, 2002). If you’re standing outside the movie theatre and two movies are starting, you may say, “Let’s just have it your way,” so you don’t miss the beginning. If you’re a new manager at an electronics store and an employee wants to take Sunday off to watch a football game, you may say no to set an example for the other employees. As with avoiding, there are certain cultural influences we will discuss later that make accommodating a more effective strategy.

Compromising

The compromising style shows a moderate concern for self and other and may indicate that there is a low investment in the conflict and/or the relationship. Even though we often hear that the best way to handle a conflict is to compromise, the compromising style isn’t a win/win solution; it is a partial win/lose. In essence, when we compromise, we give up some or most of what we want. It’s true that the conflict gets resolved temporarily, but lingering thoughts of what you gave up could lead to a future conflict. Compromising may be a good strategy when there are time limitations or when prolonging a conflict may lead to relationship deterioration. Compromise may also be good when both parties have equal power or when other resolution strategies have not worked (Macintosh & Stevens, 2008).

Compromising may help conflicting parties come to a resolution, but neither may be completely satisfied if they each had to give something up.

Broad Bean Media – handshake – CC BY-SA 2.0.

A negative of compromising is that it may be used as an easy way out of a conflict. The compromising style is most effective when both parties find the solution agreeable. Rosa and D’Shaun could decide that Casey’s allowance does need to be increased and could each give ten more dollars a week by committing to taking their lunch to work twice a week instead of eating out. They are both giving up something, and if neither of them have a problem with taking their lunch to work, then the compromise was equitable. If the couple agrees that the twenty extra dollars a week should come out of D’Shaun’s golf budget, the compromise isn’t as equitable, and D’Shaun, although he agreed to the compromise, may end up with feelings of resentment. Wouldn’t it be better to both win?

Collaborating

The collaborating style involves a high degree of concern for self and other and usually indicates investment in the conflict situation and the relationship. Although the collaborating style takes the most work in terms of communication competence, it ultimately leads to a win/win situation in which neither party has to make concessions because a mutually beneficial solution is discovered or created. The obvious advantage is that both parties are satisfied, which could lead to positive problem solving in the future and strengthen the overall relationship. For example, Rosa and D’Shaun may agree that Casey’s allowance needs to be increased and may decide to give her twenty more dollars a week in exchange for her babysitting her little brother one night a week. In this case, they didn’t make the conflict personal but focused on the situation and came up with a solution that may end up saving them money. The disadvantage is that this style is often time consuming, and only one person may be willing to use this approach while the other person is eager to compete to meet their goals or willing to accommodate.

Here are some tips for collaborating and achieving a win/win outcome (Hargie, 2011):

• Do not view the conflict as a contest you are trying to win.
• Remain flexible and realize there are solutions yet to be discovered.
• Distinguish the people from the problem (don’t make it personal).
• Determine what the underlying needs are that are driving the other person’s demands (needs can still be met through different demands).
• Identify areas of common ground or shared interests that you can work from to develop solutions.
• Ask questions to allow them to clarify and to help you understand their perspective.
• Listen carefully and provide verbal and nonverbal feedback.

“Getting Competent”

Handling Roommate Conflicts

Whether you have a roommate by choice, by necessity, or through the random selection process of your school’s housing office, it’s important to be able to get along with the person who shares your living space. While having a roommate offers many benefits such as making a new friend, having someone to experience a new situation like college life with, and having someone to split the cost on your own with, there are also challenges. Some common roommate conflicts involve neatness, noise, having guests, sharing possessions, value conflicts, money conflicts, and personality conflicts (Ball State University, 2001). Read the following scenarios and answer the following questions for each one:

• Which conflict management style, from the five discussed, would you use in this situation?
• What are the potential strengths of using this style?
• What are the potential weaknesses of using this style?

Scenario 1: Neatness. Your college dorm has bunk beds, and your roommate takes a lot of time making his bed (the bottom bunk) each morning. He has told you that he doesn’t want anyone sitting on or sleeping in his bed when he is not in the room. While he is away for the weekend, your friend comes to visit and sits on the bottom bunk bed. You tell him what your roommate said, and you try to fix the bed back before he returns to the dorm. When he returns, he notices that his bed has been disturbed and he confronts you about it.

Scenario 2: Noise and having guests. Your roommate has a job waiting tables and gets home around midnight on Thursday nights. She often brings a couple friends from work home with her. They watch television, listen to music, or play video games and talk and laugh. You have an 8 a.m. class on Friday mornings and are usually asleep when she returns. Last Friday, you talked to her and asked her to keep it down in the future. Tonight, their noise has woken you up and you can’t get back to sleep.

Scenario 3: Sharing possessions. When you go out to eat, you often bring back leftovers to have for lunch the next day during your short break between classes. You didn’t have time to eat breakfast, and you’re really excited about having your leftover pizza for lunch until you get home and see your roommate sitting on the couch eating the last slice.

Scenario 4: Money conflicts. Your roommate got mono and missed two weeks of work last month. Since he has a steady job and you have some savings, you cover his portion of the rent and agree that he will pay your portion next month. The next month comes around and he informs you that he only has enough to pay his half.

Scenario 5: Value and personality conflicts. You like to go out to clubs and parties and have friends over, but your roommate is much more of an introvert. You’ve tried to get her to come out with you or join the party at your place, but she’d rather study. One day she tells you that she wants to break the lease so she can move out early to live with one of her friends. You both signed the lease, so you have to agree or she can’t do it. If you break the lease, you automatically lose your portion of the security deposit.

Culture and Conflict

Culture is an important context to consider when studying conflict, and recent research has called into question some of the assumptions of the five conflict management styles discussed so far, which were formulated with a Western bias (Oetzel, Garcia, & Ting-Toomey, 2008). For example, while the avoiding style of conflict has been cast as negative, with a low concern for self and other or as a lose/lose outcome, this research found that participants in the United States, Germany, China, and Japan all viewed avoiding strategies as demonstrating a concern for the other. While there are some generalizations we can make about culture and conflict, it is better to look at more specific patterns of how interpersonal communication and conflict management are related. We can better understand some of the cultural differences in conflict management by further examining the concept of face .

What does it mean to “save face?” This saying generally refers to preventing embarrassment or preserving our reputation or image, which is similar to the concept of face in interpersonal and intercultural communication. Our face is the projected self we desire to put into the world, and facework refers to the communicative strategies we employ to project, maintain, or repair our face or maintain, repair, or challenge another’s face. Face negotiation theory argues that people in all cultures negotiate face through communication encounters, and that cultural factors influence how we engage in facework, especially in conflict situations (Oetzel & Ting-Toomey, 2003). These cultural factors influence whether we are more concerned with self-face or other-face and what types of conflict management strategies we may use. One key cultural influence on face negotiation is the distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures.

The distinction between individualistic and collectivistic cultures is an important dimension across which all cultures vary. Individualistic cultures like the United States and most of Europe emphasize individual identity over group identity and encourage competition and self-reliance. Collectivistic cultures like Taiwan, Colombia, China, Japan, Vietnam, and Peru value in-group identity over individual identity and value conformity to social norms of the in-group (Dsilva & Whyte, 1998). However, within the larger cultures, individuals will vary in the degree to which they view themselves as part of a group or as a separate individual, which is called self-construal. Independent self-construal indicates a perception of the self as an individual with unique feelings, thoughts, and motivations. Interdependent self-construal indicates a perception of the self as interrelated with others (Oetzel & Ting-Toomey, 2003). Not surprisingly, people from individualistic cultures are more likely to have higher levels of independent self-construal, and people from collectivistic cultures are more likely to have higher levels of interdependent self-construal. Self-construal and individualistic or collectivistic cultural orientations affect how people engage in facework and the conflict management styles they employ.

Self-construal alone does not have a direct effect on conflict style, but it does affect face concerns, with independent self-construal favoring self-face concerns and interdependent self-construal favoring other-face concerns. There are specific facework strategies for different conflict management styles, and these strategies correspond to self-face concerns or other-face concerns.

• Accommodating. Giving in (self-face concern).
• Avoiding. Pretending conflict does not exist (other-face concern).
• Competing. Defending your position, persuading (self-face concern).
• Collaborating. Apologizing, having a private discussion, remaining calm (other-face concern) (Oetzel, Garcia, & Ting-Toomey, 2008).

Research done on college students in Germany, Japan, China, and the United States found that those with independent self-construal were more likely to engage in competing, and those with interdependent self-construal were more likely to engage in avoiding or collaborating (Oetzel & Ting-Toomey, 2003). And in general, this research found that members of collectivistic cultures were more likely to use the avoiding style of conflict management and less likely to use the integrating or competing styles of conflict management than were members of individualistic cultures. The following examples bring together facework strategies, cultural orientations, and conflict management style: Someone from an individualistic culture may be more likely to engage in competing as a conflict management strategy if they are directly confronted, which may be an attempt to defend their reputation (self-face concern). Someone in a collectivistic culture may be more likely to engage in avoiding or accommodating in order not to embarrass or anger the person confronting them (other-face concern) or out of concern that their reaction could reflect negatively on their family or cultural group (other-face concern). While these distinctions are useful for categorizing large-scale cultural patterns, it is important not to essentialize or arbitrarily group countries together, because there are measurable differences within cultures. For example, expressing one’s emotions was seen as demonstrating a low concern for other-face in Japan, but this was not so in China, which shows there is variety between similarly collectivistic cultures. Culture always adds layers of complexity to any communication phenomenon, but experiencing and learning from other cultures also enriches our lives and makes us more competent communicators.

Handling Conflict Better

Conflict is inevitable and it is not inherently negative. A key part of developing interpersonal communication competence involves being able to effectively manage the conflict you will encounter in all your relationships. One key part of handling conflict better is to notice patterns of conflict in specific relationships and to generally have an idea of what causes you to react negatively and what your reactions usually are.

Identifying Conflict Patterns

Much of the research on conflict patterns has been done on couples in romantic relationships, but the concepts and findings are applicable to other relationships. Four common triggers for conflict are criticism, demand, cumulative annoyance, and rejection (Christensen & Jacobson, 2000). We all know from experience that criticism, or comments that evaluate another person’s personality, behavior, appearance, or life choices, may lead to conflict. Comments do not have to be meant as criticism to be perceived as such. If Gary comes home from college for the weekend and his mom says, “Looks like you put on a few pounds,” she may view this as a statement of fact based on observation. Gary, however, may take the comment personally and respond negatively back to his mom, starting a conflict that will last for the rest of his visit. A simple but useful strategy to manage the trigger of criticism is to follow the old adage “Think before you speak.” In many cases, there are alternative ways to phrase things that may be taken less personally, or we may determine that our comment doesn’t need to be spoken at all. I’ve learned that a majority of the thoughts that we have about another person’s physical appearance, whether positive or negative, do not need to be verbalized. Ask yourself, “What is my motivation for making this comment?” and “Do I have anything to lose by not making this comment?” If your underlying reasons for asking are valid, perhaps there is another way to phrase your observation. If Gary’s mom is worried about his eating habits and health, she could wait until they’re eating dinner and ask him how he likes the food choices at school and what he usually eats.

Demands also frequently trigger conflict, especially if the demand is viewed as unfair or irrelevant. It’s important to note that demands rephrased as questions may still be or be perceived as demands. Tone of voice and context are important factors here. When you were younger, you may have asked a parent, teacher, or elder for something and heard back “Ask nicely.” As with criticism, thinking before you speak and before you respond can help manage demands and minimize conflict episodes. As we discussed earlier, demands are sometimes met with withdrawal rather than a verbal response. If you are doing the demanding, remember a higher level of information exchange may make your demand clearer or more reasonable to the other person. If you are being demanded of, responding calmly and expressing your thoughts and feelings are likely more effective than withdrawing, which may escalate the conflict.

Cumulative annoyance is a building of frustration or anger that occurs over time, eventually resulting in a conflict interaction. For example, your friend shows up late to drive you to class three times in a row. You didn’t say anything the previous times, but on the third time you say, “You’re late again! If you can’t get here on time, I’ll find another way to get to class.” Cumulative annoyance can build up like a pressure cooker, and as it builds up, the intensity of the conflict also builds. Criticism and demands can also play into cumulative annoyance. We have all probably let critical or demanding comments slide, but if they continue, it becomes difficult to hold back, and most of us have a breaking point. The problem here is that all the other incidents come back to your mind as you confront the other person, which usually intensifies the conflict. You’ve likely been surprised when someone has blown up at you due to cumulative annoyance or surprised when someone you have blown up at didn’t know there was a problem building. A good strategy for managing cumulative annoyance is to monitor your level of annoyance and occasionally let some steam out of the pressure cooker by processing through your frustration with a third party or directly addressing what is bothering you with the source.

No one likes the feeling of rejection. Rejection can lead to conflict when one person’s comments or behaviors are perceived as ignoring or invalidating the other person. Vulnerability is a component of any close relationship. When we care about someone, we verbally or nonverbally communicate. We may tell our best friend that we miss them, or plan a home-cooked meal for our partner who is working late. The vulnerability that underlies these actions comes from the possibility that our relational partner will not notice or appreciate them. When someone feels exposed or rejected, they often respond with anger to mask their hurt, which ignites a conflict. Managing feelings of rejection is difficult because it is so personal, but controlling the impulse to assume that your relational partner is rejecting you, and engaging in communication rather than reflexive reaction, can help put things in perspective. If your partner doesn’t get excited about the meal you planned and cooked, it could be because he or she is physically or mentally tired after a long day. Concepts discussed in Chapter 2 “Communication and Perception” can be useful here, as perception checking, taking inventory of your attributions, and engaging in information exchange to help determine how each person is punctuating the conflict are useful ways of managing all four of the triggers discussed.

Interpersonal conflict may take the form of serial arguing , which is a repeated pattern of disagreement over an issue. Serial arguments do not necessarily indicate negative or troubled relationships, but any kind of patterned conflict is worth paying attention to. There are three patterns that occur with serial arguing: repeating, mutual hostility, and arguing with assurances (Johnson & Roloff, 2000). The first pattern is repeating, which means reminding the other person of your complaint (what you want them to start/stop doing). The pattern may continue if the other person repeats their response to your reminder. For example, if Marita reminds Kate that she doesn’t appreciate her sarcastic tone, and Kate responds, “I’m soooo sorry, I forgot how perfect you are,” then the reminder has failed to effect the desired change. A predictable pattern of complaint like this leads participants to view the conflict as irresolvable. The second pattern within serial arguments is mutual hostility, which occurs when the frustration of repeated conflict leads to negative emotions and increases the likelihood of verbal aggression. Again, a predictable pattern of hostility makes the conflict seem irresolvable and may lead to relationship deterioration. Whereas the first two patterns entail an increase in pressure on the participants in the conflict, the third pattern offers some relief. If people in an interpersonal conflict offer verbal assurances of their commitment to the relationship, then the problems associated with the other two patterns of serial arguing may be ameliorated. Even though the conflict may not be solved in the interaction, the verbal assurances of commitment imply that there is a willingness to work on solving the conflict in the future, which provides a sense of stability that can benefit the relationship. Although serial arguing is not inherently bad within a relationship, if the pattern becomes more of a vicious cycle, it can lead to alienation, polarization, and an overall toxic climate, and the problem may seem so irresolvable that people feel trapped and terminate the relationship (Christensen & Jacobson, 2000). There are some negative, but common, conflict reactions we can monitor and try to avoid, which may also help prevent serial arguing.

Two common conflict pitfalls are one-upping and mindreading (Gottman, 1994). is a quick reaction to communication from another person that escalates the conflict. If Sam comes home late from work and Nicki says, “I wish you would call when you’re going to be late” and Sam responds, “I wish you would get off my back,” the reaction has escalated the conflict. Mindreading is communication in which one person attributes something to the other using generalizations. If Sam says, “You don’t care whether I come home at all or not!” she is presuming to know Nicki’s thoughts and feelings. Nicki is likely to respond defensively, perhaps saying, “You don’t know how I’m feeling!” One-upping and mindreading are often reactions that are more reflexive than deliberate. Remember concepts like attribution and punctuation in these moments. Nicki may have received bad news and was eager to get support from Sam when she arrived home. Although Sam perceives Nicki’s comment as criticism and justifies her comments as a reaction to Nicki’s behavior, Nicki’s comment could actually be a sign of their closeness, in that Nicki appreciates Sam’s emotional support. Sam could have said, “I know, I’m sorry, I was on my cell phone for the past hour with a client who had a lot of problems to work out.” Taking a moment to respond mindfully rather than react with a knee-jerk reflex can lead to information exchange, which could deescalate the conflict.

Mindreading leads to patterned conflict, because we wrongly presume to know what another person is thinking.

Slipperroom – Mysterion the Mind Reader – CC BY-NC 2.0.

Validating the person with whom you are in conflict can be an effective way to deescalate conflict. While avoiding or retreating may seem like the best option in the moment, one of the key negative traits found in research on married couples’ conflicts was withdrawal, which as we learned before may result in a demand-withdrawal pattern of conflict. Often validation can be as simple as demonstrating good listening skills discussed earlier in this book by making eye contact and giving verbal and nonverbal back-channel cues like saying “mmm-hmm” or nodding your head (Gottman, 1994). This doesn’t mean that you have to give up your own side in a conflict or that you agree with what the other person is saying; rather, you are hearing the other person out, which validates them and may also give you some more information about the conflict that could minimize the likelihood of a reaction rather than a response.

As with all the aspects of communication competence we have discussed so far, you cannot expect that everyone you interact with will have the same knowledge of communication that you have after reading this book. But it often only takes one person with conflict management skills to make an interaction more effective. Remember that it’s not the quantity of conflict that determines a relationship’s success; it’s how the conflict is managed, and one person’s competent response can deescalate a conflict. Now we turn to a discussion of negotiation steps and skills as a more structured way to manage conflict.

Negotiation Steps and Skills

We negotiate daily. We may negotiate with a professor to make up a missed assignment or with our friends to plan activities for the weekend. Negotiation in interpersonal conflict refers to the process of attempting to change or influence conditions within a relationship. The negotiation skills discussed next can be adapted to all types of relational contexts, from romantic partners to coworkers. The stages of negotiating are prenegotiation, opening, exploration, bargaining, and settlement (Hargie, 2011).

In the prenegotiation stage, you want to prepare for the encounter. If possible, let the other person know you would like to talk to them, and preview the topic, so they will also have the opportunity to prepare. While it may seem awkward to “set a date” to talk about a conflict, if the other person feels like they were blindsided, their reaction could be negative. Make your preview simple and nonthreatening by saying something like “I’ve noticed that we’ve been arguing a lot about who does what chores around the house. Can we sit down and talk tomorrow when we both get home from class?” Obviously, it won’t always be feasible to set a date if the conflict needs to be handled immediately because the consequences are immediate or if you or the other person has limited availability. In that case, you can still prepare, but make sure you allot time for the other person to digest and respond. During this stage you also want to figure out your goals for the interaction by reviewing your instrumental, relational, and self-presentation goals. Is getting something done, preserving the relationship, or presenting yourself in a certain way the most important? For example, you may highly rank the instrumental goal of having a clean house, or the relational goal of having pleasant interactions with your roommate, or the self-presentation goal of appearing nice and cooperative. Whether your roommate is your best friend from high school or a stranger the school matched you up with could determine the importance of your relational and self-presentation goals. At this point, your goal analysis may lead you away from negotiation—remember, as we discussed earlier, avoiding can be an appropriate and effective conflict management strategy. If you decide to proceed with the negotiation, you will want to determine your ideal outcome and your bottom line, or the point at which you decide to break off negotiation. It’s very important that you realize there is a range between your ideal and your bottom line and that remaining flexible is key to a successful negotiation—remember, through collaboration a new solution could be found that you didn’t think of.

In the opening stage of the negotiation, you want to set the tone for the interaction because the other person will be likely to reciprocate. Generally, it is good to be cooperative and pleasant, which can help open the door for collaboration. You also want to establish common ground by bringing up overlapping interests and using “we” language. It would not be competent to open the negotiation with “You’re such a slob! Didn’t your mom ever teach you how to take care of yourself?” Instead, you may open the negotiation by making small talk about classes that day and then move into the issue at hand. You could set a good tone and establish common ground by saying, “We both put a lot of work into setting up and decorating our space, but now that classes have started, I’ve noticed that we’re really busy and some chores are not getting done.” With some planning and a simple opening like that, you can move into the next stage of negotiation.

There should be a high level of information exchange in the exploration stage. The overarching goal in this stage is to get a panoramic view of the conflict by sharing your perspective and listening to the other person. In this stage, you will likely learn how the other person is punctuating the conflict. Although you may have been mulling over the mess for a few days, your roommate may just now be aware of the conflict. She may also inform you that she usually cleans on Sundays but didn’t get to last week because she unexpectedly had to visit her parents. The information that you gather here may clarify the situation enough to end the conflict and cease negotiation. If negotiation continues, the information will be key as you move into the bargaining stage.

The bargaining stage is where you make proposals and concessions. The proposal you make should be informed by what you learned in the exploration stage. Flexibility is important here, because you may have to revise your ideal outcome and bottom line based on new information. If your plan was to have a big cleaning day every Thursday, you may now want to propose to have the roommate clean on Sunday while you clean on Wednesday. You want to make sure your opening proposal is reasonable and not presented as an ultimatum. “I don’t ever want to see a dish left in the sink” is different from “When dishes are left in the sink too long, they stink and get gross. Can we agree to not leave any dishes in the sink overnight?” Through the proposals you make, you could end up with a win/win situation. If there are areas of disagreement, however, you may have to make concessions or compromise, which can be a partial win or a partial loss. If you hate doing dishes but don’t mind emptying the trash and recycling, you could propose to assign those chores based on preference. If you both hate doing dishes, you could propose to be responsible for washing your own dishes right after you use them. If you really hate dishes and have some extra money, you could propose to use disposable (and hopefully recyclable) dishes, cups, and utensils.

In the settlement stage, you want to decide on one of the proposals and then summarize the chosen proposal and any related concessions. It is possible that each party can have a different view of the agreed solution. If your roommate thinks you are cleaning the bathroom every other day and you plan to clean it on Wednesdays, then there could be future conflict. You could summarize and ask for confirmation by saying, “So, it looks like I’ll be in charge of the trash and recycling, and you’ll load and unload the dishwasher. Then I’ll do a general cleaning on Wednesdays and you’ll do the same on Sundays. Is that right?” Last, you’ll need to follow up on the solution to make sure it’s working for both parties. If your roommate goes home again next Sunday and doesn’t get around to cleaning, you may need to go back to the exploration or bargaining stage.

Key Takeaways

• Interpersonal conflict is an inevitable part of relationships that, although not always negative, can take an emotional toll on relational partners unless they develop skills and strategies for managing conflict.
• Although there is no absolute right or wrong way to handle a conflict, there are five predominant styles of conflict management, which are competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromising, and collaborating.
• Perception plays an important role in conflict management because we are often biased in determining the cause of our own and others’ behaviors in a conflict situation, which necessitates engaging in communication to gain information and perspective.
• Culture influences how we engage in conflict based on our cultural norms regarding individualism or collectivism and concern for self-face or other-face.
• We can handle conflict better by identifying patterns and triggers such as demands, cumulative annoyance, and rejection and by learning to respond mindfully rather than reflexively.
• Of the five conflict management strategies, is there one that you use more often than others? Why or why not? Do you think people are predisposed to one style over the others based on their personality or other characteristics? If so, what personality traits do you think would lead a person to each style?
• Review the example of D’Shaun and Rosa. If you were in their situation, what do you think the best style to use would be and why?
• Of the conflict triggers discussed (demands, cumulative annoyance, rejection, one-upping, and mindreading) which one do you find most often triggers a negative reaction from you? What strategies can you use to better manage the trigger and more effectively manage conflict?

Ball State University, “Roommate Conflicts,” accessed June 16, 2001, http://cms.bsu.edu/CampusLife/CounselingCenter/VirtualSelfHelpLibrary/RoommateIssues.aspx .

Bobot, L., “Conflict Management in Buyer-Seller Relationships,” Conflict Resolution Quarterly 27, no. 3 (2010): 296.

Cai, D. A. and Edward L. Fink, “Conflict Style Differences between Individualists and Collectivists,” Communication Monographs 69, no. 1 (2002): 67–87.

Canary, D. J. and Susan J. Messman, “Relationship Conflict,” in Close Relationships: A Sourcebook , eds. Clyde Hendrick and Susan S. Hendrick (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 2000), 261–70.

Christensen, A. and Neil S. Jacobson, Reconcilable Differences (New York: Guilford Press, 2000), 17–20.

Dindia, K. and Leslie A. Baxter, “Strategies for Maintaining and Repairing Marital Relationships,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 4, no. 2 (1987): 143–58.

Dsilva, M. U. and Lisa O. Whyte, “Cultural Differences in Conflict Styles: Vietnamese Refugees and Established Residents,” Howard Journal of Communication 9 (1998): 59.

Gates, S., “Time to Take Negotiation Seriously,” Industrial and Commercial Training 38 (2006): 238–41.

Gottman, J. M., What Predicts Divorce?: The Relationship between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1994). One-upping

Hargie, O., Skilled Interpersonal Interaction: Research, Theory, and Practice (London: Routledge, 2011), 406–7, 430.

Isenhart, M. W. and Michael Spangle, Collaborative Approaches to Resolving Conflict (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 2000), 26.

Johnson, K. L. and Michael E. Roloff, “Correlates of the Perceived Resolvability and Relational Consequences of Serial Arguing in Dating Relationships: Argumentative Features and the Use of Coping Strategies,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 17, no. 4–5 (2000): 677–78.

Macintosh, G. and Charles Stevens, “Personality, Motives, and Conflict Strategies in Everyday Service Encounters,” International Journal of Conflict Management 19, no. 2 (2008): 115.

Markman, H. J., Mari Jo Renick, Frank J. Floyd, Scott M. Stanley, and Mari Clements, “Preventing Marital Distress through Communication and Conflict Management Training: A 4- and 5-Year Follow-Up,” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 61, no. 1 (1993): 70–77.

Messman, S. J. and Rebecca L. Mikesell, “Competition and Interpersonal Conflict in Dating Relationships,” Communication Reports 13, no. 1 (2000): 32.

Oetzel, J., Adolfo J. Garcia, and Stella Ting-Toomey, “An Analysis of the Relationships among Face Concerns and Facework Behaviors in Perceived Conflict Situations: A Four-Culture Investigation,” International Journal of Conflict Management 19, no. 4 (2008): 382–403.

Reese-Weber, M. and Suzanne Bartle-Haring, “Conflict Resolution Styles in Family Subsystems and Adolescent Romantic Relationships,” Journal of Youth and Adolescence 27, no. 6 (1998): 735–52.

Sillars, A. L., “Attributions and Communication in Roommate Conflicts,” Communication Monographs 47, no. 3 (1980): 180–200.

• “Mediator on Best Career List for 2011,” UNCG Program in Conflict and Peace Studies Blog, accessed November 5, 2012, http://conresuncg.blogspot.com/2011/04/mediator-on-best-career-list-for-2011.html . ↵

Communication in the Real World Copyright © 2016 by University of Minnesota is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

Chapter 7: Interpersonal Communication

Think about the last interaction you had with a friend. What did you talk about? How did you talk about it? Did any miscommunication occur? If you are like most people, you’ve probably had positive and negative interactions with your friend throughout the time you’ve known them. These interactions are referred to as interpersonal communication.

In this chapter you will learn about interpersonal communication. We will discuss various elements of interpersonal and intercultural communication skills, as well as speaking and listening. This will provide you with communication skills to engage in positive interpersonal interactions.

You can open the pdf version of the Chapter 7 reading if you want to view it in a book page format or want to print out a physical copy to read: Chapter 7 – Interpersonal Communication

Psychology of Human Relations Copyright © by Stevy Scarbrough is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

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COM 1090 - Interpersonal Communication: Oral Interview Assignment

• COM 1090: Interpersonal Communication
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To explore and understand the ways in which culture influences the way we communicate and form relationships with others. This assignment is also designed to help you improve your ability to communicate competently in cross-cultural interactions.

This assignment is linked to the following Student Learning Outcomes:

1. Research and analyze interviewing techniques as they relate to interpersonal skills.

2. Analyze perception and relate it to various communication settings.

3. Conduct an interview using appropriate language, listening skills, nonverbal skills and response skills.

4. Identify and analyze barriers to multicultural understanding.

5. Demonstrate and evaluate skills for enhancing multicultural communication.

Achieving communication competence in a culturally diverse society is necessary for personal and professional success. One way to enhance our understanding of communication as a relationship-building activity is to talk with people from different cultures. This assignment will give you the opportunity to learn about communication and culture by analyzing and identifying barriers to multicultural understanding and participating in the interview process.

Your interview partner will be one of your classmates (the same person you are working on the Role Play assignment). Your task in the interview is to talk with your interview partner about communication in their culture, and how it is similar and/or different from your own. You will then use the results of the interview to analyze how your own cultural communication practices compare with those of your interview partner.

Some of the interpersonal communication topics that you might ask about in your interview include the following:

• · Language and verbal communication
• · Nonverbal communication
• · Gender roles and gendered communities
• · Family communication
• · The expression of emotions
• · Conflict management
• · Friendship communication
• · Romantic relationships, including dating, non-marital commitments, and marriage

You will not be able to include all these topics in your interview questions and reflection paper. You should include at least two topics, but no more than three. Since the content for these main points will come from your interview, it is important that you (1) construct your interview questions carefully, (2) ask your partner to elaborate on various points, and (3) use paraphrasing and effective listening to ensure clarification and understanding. Keep in mind that the quality of your reflection paper will directly depend on the quality of your interview questions, so plan and prepare them carefully.

Organization

Your paper should contain the following five parts:

I. Cover Page: (include your name, the date, class name, my name)

II. Introduction: Provide a brief description of the interview, your interview partner, and the cultural group that you focused on for this paper; include a brief preview of the body of the paper.

III. Body: Discuss in detail the main points corresponding to the two communication topics from your interview. The body is by far the longest part of the paper and should explicitly address the following:

• a. The cultural differences and similarities related to communication you uncovered in the interview with your partner.
• b. An analysis of barriers to multicultural understanding you may have experienced when communicating with someone from a different culture.
• c. A discussion of at least one relevant interpersonal communication skill you used that help enhance your multicultural understanding.

IV. Conclusion: Provide a brief summary of the body of the paper. Next, discuss your impressions and observations of the interview, how well you performed in conducting it, and what you learned about culture and communication from this assignment.

V. Reference Page: Provide a list in APA format of any references you used in your paper. Your interview and the textbook should be included in this list. You will need two additional sources for this assignment.

VI. Interview Questions: You should also include your list of questions at the end of your paper.

VII. Recording: You should record your interview on Blackboard Collaborate in your group room (on your group page). Both you and your partner need to be visible (on camera).

This assignment will be evaluated based on three criteria. First, reflection papers must demonstrate an understanding of communication concepts and principles. Second, papers must analyze how these communication topics apply across the two cultures (yours and your interview partner’s). Third, you will be evaluated on the quality of interview questions you develop as well as your overall performance in the interview.

Requirements

The paper must be typed (double spaced), no less than 4 pages (including cover sheet and reference page), and must display acceptable college-level standards of grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, paragraph structure as well as correct spelling. Use 12-point font and 1-inch margins on all sides. Be sure to edit your paper before turning it in and include page numbers. Interview recordings must be visible on your group’s page on Blackboard by 11:59 pm on the assigned date. Your reflection paper is due via the link on your group’s page at 11:59 pm on the assigned date. I cannot and will not be able to grade late papers or accept late recording submissions.

Please be aware that this is the general assignment for COM-1090 and your professor may have altered the requirements.  Always refer  to your professor for the most up to date information.

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Table of Contents

What is interpersonal communication, what about intrapersonal communication, types of interpersonal communication, how to build interpersonal communication skills, interpersonal communication tips for remote workers, elements of interpersonal communication, what is interpersonal communication the four principles of interpersonal communication, interpersonal communication examples, interpersonal communication uses, difference between interpersonal and intrapersonal communication, the importance of interpersonal communication, would you like to become a project manager, what is interpersonal communication skills, types, and examples.

Reviewed and fact-checked by Sayantoni Das

How would you define interpersonal communication? It’s simple, really. The most straightforward, basic interpersonal communication meaning is "face-to-face communication." But there is so much more to effective interpersonal communication.

In fact, there is a whole range of interpersonal communication skills, and we’re about to explore the topic at length. You will see how communication and interpersonal skills make up a valuable part of success in the workplace, especially for positions like Project Managers . We’ll even supply you with a few interpersonal communication examples while answering “what is interpersonal communication?”

Interpersonal communication involves the information, ideas, and feelings being exchanged verbally or non-verbally between two or more people. Face-to-face communication often involves hearing, seeing, and feeling body language, facial expressions, and gestures.

In other terms, Interpersonal communication is exchanging information, meaning, feelings, and opinions between two or more people via verbal and non-verbal means. Although we mentioned “face-to-face” communication previously, today’s technology compels us to expand its definition to include media such as phone calls and online messaging.

You may have heard the term “intrapersonal communication” and wondered if it’s related to interpersonal communication. The words are opposites, actually. “Inter” refers to dealings between people, groups, or other entities (e.g., intercontinental, international). “Intra,” on the other hand, describes actions within a person or a group. For example, an intranet is a private digital network that exists solely within a company or organization.

Intrapersonal communication describes how we communicate with ourselves, including an accurate idea of our perceptions, expectations, and concepts.

The first step in answering “what is interpersonal communication?” is breaking it down into four distinct types.

• Verbal: In other words, speaking. This term covers the words you use, how persuasively you speak, the language you use, which words you emphasize, and even the use of affirmative sounds and short phrases like “Yup” or “Uh-huh.”
• Listening: You can make a good case for listening as the most important interpersonal communication skill. It covers the ability to listen attentively, whether you’re using your ears to listen “in-person” or some other means, say, over the Internet. Listening also includes special techniques like reflection and clarification. The best listeners are people who can focus their attention on the speaker to make the latter feel like they're the sole and most important person in the room.
• The Written Word: Thanks to the Internet age and situations requiring isolation (e.g., the pandemic), good written communication skills have become an asset. Whether you're on social media, in the workplace, or even texting on your phone, you must know how to get your point across in writing. This type includes emojis, grammar, clarity, tone, and even punctuation. After all, there's a vast difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!"
• Non-Verbal: This final type covers body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures. Again, it's essential that the listener picks up and correctly interprets non-verbal cues.

Building interpersonal communication skills can help you improve your relationships, increase your ability to collaborate effectively with others, and enhance your overall success in life. Here are some tips to help you develop them:

Practice active listening: One of the most important aspects of interpersonal communication is active listening. This involves fully concentrating on what the other person is saying, without interrupting or judging them. You can practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and asking questions to clarify their message.

Use clear and concise language: Communication is most effective when it is clear and concise. Use simple language and avoid jargon or technical terms that others may not understand.

Be aware of nonverbal communication: Nonverbal communication, such as body language and facial expressions, can also convey messages. Be aware of your own nonverbal cues and try to read others' body language to better understand their message.

Show empathy: Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. When communicating with others, try to put yourself in their shoes and show understanding and compassion for their perspective.

Build rapport: Building rapport involves finding common ground and establishing a connection with others. This can help to build trust and enhance communication. Look for common interests or experiences, and use humor or other forms of positive reinforcement to build a positive relationship.

Be open to feedback: Be open to constructive criticism and feedback from others, and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

As more people are working remotely, developing interpersonal communication skills becomes even more important to maintain relationships and collaboration. Here are some tips for remote workers to enhance their interpersonal communication skills:

Use video conferencing: Use video conferencing as much as possible instead of just relying on phone calls or emails. This will help to establish a better connection with your colleagues by seeing their facial expressions and body language.

Schedule regular check-ins: Make an effort to schedule regular check-ins with your colleagues to stay connected and up-to-date on projects. This can be a quick call or a virtual coffee break to chat about work and life.

Practice active listening: When on a call or video conference, practice active listening by giving your full attention to the speaker, asking questions, and clarifying their message. This will help to build better communication and understanding.

Use appropriate tone and language: When communicating in writing, use an appropriate tone and language to convey your message clearly.

Use collaboration tools: Use collaboration tools like shared documents or project management tools to keep everyone on the same page and avoid misunderstandings.

Be flexible: As remote work can be more fluid than a traditional office environment, be flexible with communication methods and schedules to accommodate different time zones or work styles.

By practicing these interpersonal communication skills, remote workers can build strong relationships and collaboration with their colleagues, even if they are not in the same physical space.

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Now that we’ve established the types of interpersonal communication, we can take the next step in understanding this concept by breaking it down into six separate elements to answer “what is interpersonal communication?”.

• The Communicating Parties: There’s no communication without a sender and a receiver. However, many people mistake assigning only one speaker and one listener to the conversation. Effective interpersonal communication requires all parties to assume both roles, sending and receiving the message at the appropriate time.
• The Message Itself: This element covers the information in all possible forms, including speech and non-verbal communication.
• Extraneous Noise: Noise includes anything that interferes with, distorts, or overpowers the message. This element comprises everything from physically-based noises (e.g., traffic sounds, a screaming baby at the next table over) to more abstract difficulties such as cultural misunderstanding, overblown corporate jargon, showing disinterest, or inappropriate body language.
• Feedback: This element blurs the line with the “sender and receiver” idea, but it’s distinct enough to be considered separate. Feedback is limited to immediate reactions to a sent message. Feedback could be anything from verbal (e.g., “I agree,” or “I’m confused; what do you mean?”) to non-verbal (e.g., facial expressions, changes in body language/stance).
• Context: Have you ever heard the phrase “Read the room!”? That means the speaker should be paying attention to the general mood and atmosphere of the listeners and where they are. Context includes physical location, the mood/emotional climate of the audience, and social context.
• The Channel: This element covers moving the message from the sender to the receiver and refers to vision and speech.

We have one more set of breakdowns to cover. Whenever you communicate with people, you should keep in mind these four principles. If you do, your interpersonal communication technique will improve, and your messages will be more effective.

• It’s Unavoidable: Unless you’re a hermit living in a cave, you will inevitably interact with others in one manner or another. Even if you’re a shut-in, thanks to something like a quarantine, you will still have the opportunity for interpersonal communication (e.g., phone, Skype, texting).
• It’s Irreversible: You may be familiar with the phrase “I can’t unsee that.” You can't take back what you have written or said. Even if you make amends with an apology or try to walk back your comments, people don't forget words easily. And remember, Internet content is forever.
• It’s Complicated: You would think the act of speaking and hearing would be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, everyday life is complicated and interpersonal communication is filled with pitfalls. Not everyone has the same frame of reference or is equally adept at picking up subtle clues or getting the hint. Some speakers assume that everything they say is taken the right way because the listeners must obviously be on the same wavelength as they are (spoiler alert: this is not always the case).
• It’s Contextual: Sometimes, we can't control what people hear our message, where they are, their mood and mindset, and their level of comprehension. But, again, this harkens to the section dealing with interpersonal communication elements, specifically the context.

Here are some common examples of interpersonal communication. You will notice how they reference the different interpersonal communication types.

• Emails: This example is a ubiquitous form of interpersonal communication in our era of increased online usage. Unfortunately, we can't always communicate nuance and tone, leading to misunderstandings. Consequently, you need good written communication skills.
• Phone calls: Yes, people still use their smartphones for actual speaking! However, since most phone calls lack visual cues, you should have strong verbal communication skills.
• Presentations: You know what this involves if you've ever heard a lecture or been in a business meeting. Presentations typically incorporate every type of interpersonal communication. The speaker needs good verbal skills, uses gestures and expressions effectively, refers to written texts and other visual aids, and understands how the audience feels and receives the message.
• Texting: You knew we’d touch upon this one, right? Texting is less formal and structured than emails, so the communicator should grasp casual conversation skills.

We inevitably employ interpersonal communication in many different situations and contexts, whether at work or home. We use this vital skill to:

• Impart and gather information
• Influence the attitudes and behaviors of others
• Create contacts, make friends, and maintain relationships
• Make sense of our world and better understand our experiences in it
• Express our personal needs and understand the needs of others
• Make decisions and solve problems
• Set social and professional boundaries
• Provide and receive needed emotional support
• Anticipate and predict people’s behavior
• Regulate the balance of power in a workplace or social circle

Interpersonal communication and intrapersonal communication are two different types of communication. Interpersonal communication refers to communication between two or more people. It involves the exchange of messages, ideas, and information between individuals. This can take many forms, including face-to-face conversations, phone calls, emails, and video conferences.

Intrapersonal communication, on the other hand, refers to communication within oneself. It involves the internal dialogue or self-talk that occurs in our minds. This type of communication is essential for self-reflection, self-awareness, and personal growth.

Interpersonal communication is a valuable "soft skill" in many job descriptions. Strong interpersonal communication skills help people better express their emotions and thoughts and cultivate a stronger sense of empathy for others.

Interpersonal communication is also a vital part of being a team player or a group leader, things that recruiters are always looking for.

If you have solid interpersonal communication skills, you can clearly express your intentions and thoughts, enriching your professional relationships and personal life.

So many conflicts stem from simple misunderstandings. Strong interpersonal communication skills help reduce the likelihood of these misunderstandings, which subsequently lowers the risk of arguments, hurt feelings, grudges, and problems with morale.

Let's face it; not everyone is cut out to be a leader. Unfortunately, people are often placed in managerial roles because they have the work experience and hard skillsets but have no idea how to speak to people, motivate them, and keep group cohesion and morale consistently high.

Project managers need good interpersonal communication skills. If you want to become a project manager, Simplilearn can help you acquire many of your skills to fill the role effectively. The Post Graduate Program in Project Management certification course provides live online interactive classes and masterclasses from UMass Amherst and Harvard Business Publishing.

The course is aligned with PMI-PMP and IASSC-Lean Six Sigma and covers strategizing and various aspects of management such as project, program, risk, and quality. You will also learn complexity management, customer-centric digital transformation, PMO implementation , and Agile and Scrum skills.

According to Glassdoor, project managers can earn a yearly average of $97,656 in the United States and ₹800,000 in India. So visit Simplilearn today, and get a valuable headstart on the project management track!

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Interpersonal Communication Skills: A Complete Overview

Read this blog on Interpersonal Communication Skills to learn about communication processes and master verbal, nonverbal, listening, and other essential skills. Learn how to improve these skills, their benefits, and practical tips to enhance your interpersonal communication abilities in this comprehensive overview. Read more to learn!

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According to The Future of Work 2021 report, 87 per cent of employers reported that it is difficult to fill positions due to the skills gap. So, mastering the skills like Interpersonal Communication Skills can improve your chances of getting hired. In this blog, you will learn what Interpersonal Communication Skills are, their benefits and how to develop them, and some useful tips to enhance them.   

Table of Contents          

1) Understanding Interpersonal Communication Skills 

2) Different types of Interpersonal Communication Skills 

3) How to develop strong Interpersonal Communication Skills?

4) Interpersonal Communication in the workplace

5) Jobs that require Interpersonal Communication Skills

6) Benefits of Interpersonal Communication Skills

7) Tips to enhance Interpersonal Communication Skills

8) Conclusion 

Understanding Interpersonal Communication Skills

Interpersonal Communication Skills are the abilities that allow individuals to communicate, collaborate, and interact with others effectively. These skills encompass active listening, clear communication, empathy, and building and keeping relationships.   

Different types of Interpersonal Communication Skills

 Here is a brief overview of some of the most common Interpersonal Communication Skills:

Verbal Communication Skills

Verbal Communication Skills refer to the use of spoken words to convey messages and meanings. These include choosing the appropriate language, tone, and style for the audience and context, speaking clearly and confidently, using persuasive and assertive techniques, and providing constructive feedback and praise. Verbal Communication Skills are important for expressing opinions, sharing knowledge, influencing others, and building rapport.

Nonverbal Communication Skills

Nonverbal Communication Skills refer to the use of body language, facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, and other cues to complement or contradict verbal messages. Nonverbal Communication Skills include maintaining an open and relaxed posture, using appropriate gestures and facial expressions, making eye contact and nodding, and respecting personal space and boundaries. 

Written Communication Skills

Written Communication Skills refer to the use of written words to convey messages and meanings. Written Communication Skills include using correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation, organising and structuring ideas logically and coherently, using clear and concise language, and adapting the tone and style to the audience and purpose. 

Listening is the process of receiving, attending, and understanding verbal and nonverbal messages from others. Active Listening Skills include paying attention and avoiding distractions, showing interest and curiosity, asking questions and clarifying doubts, summarising and paraphrasing key points, and acknowledging and empathising with the speaker.

Dependability

Dependability is the quality of being reliable, trustworthy, and consistent in fulfilling one’s responsibilities and commitments. Dependability skills include setting realistic and achievable goals, prioritising and managing time effectively, following through and delivering on promises, and being accountable and honest. 

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others. Empathy means recognising and acknowledging the emotions and perspectives of others, putting oneself in their shoes and imagining how they feel, and expressing support and compassion. 

Leadership is the ability to inspire, motivate, and guide others towards a common goal or vision. Leadership Skills include setting clear and realistic objectives, communicating effectively and persuasively, delegating tasks and responsibilities, providing feedback and recognition, and resolving conflicts and challenges. 

Teamwork is the ability to work effectively and cooperatively with others towards a shared purpose or goal. Teamwork skills include respecting and appreciating diversity, sharing ideas and information, listening and giving feedback, collaborating and compromising, and supporting and helping each other. 

Are you ready to take your Communication Skills to the next level? Join our Effective Communication Skills Course now! 

How to develop strong Interpersonal Communication Skills?

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to recognise and understand our own emotions, thoughts, and behaviours and how they affect ourselves and others. Self-awareness can help us communicate more clearly, authentically, and respectfully, as well as identify our strengths and areas for improvement. To enhance self-awareness, we can practice self-reflection, seek feedback, and be open to learning.

Empathy and emotional intelligence

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others. Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage and regulate our own emotions, as well as recognise and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence can help us communicate more effectively, compassionately, and respectfully, as well as build trust and rapport. 

Active listening skills

Active listening involves giving full attention, feedback, and encouragement to the speaker and reflecting on what is being said. Active listening can help us communicate more effectively, comprehensively, and accurately, as well as facilitate problem-solving and decision-making.

To enhance active listening skills, we can use verbal and nonverbal signals to show attentiveness and ask open-ended and probing questions to elicit more information. Moreover, we can paraphrase and summarise what the speaker said to check for understanding and accuracy.

Conflict resolution skills

Conflict resolution skills refer to handling esolving conflicts and disagreements in a constructive and respectful way. Conflict resolution skills can help us communicate more effectively, collaboratively, and peacefully, as well as maintain positive and productive relationships. To enhance conflict resolution skills, we can use clear and concise language, be aware of nonverbal communication, be open to feedback, and seek win-win solutions.

Use clear and concise language 

Interpersonal Communication is at its peak when it is both concise and clear. Individuals in a conversation can utilise simple language and avoid any jargon or other technical terms which the other individual may not understand. Concise language also holds the listener’s attention and makes a long-lasting impact on their understanding of your message.  

Be aware of nonverbal communication  

Non-verbal communication involves body language and facial expressions. These facets of human communication are powerful as they convey important messages. Individuals in a conversation must take caution of their non-verbal cues and attempt to understand their counterpart’s body language to better comprehend the message conveyed. 

Be open to feedback 

Being receptive to feedback is a very important and attractive characteristic of an individual as that reflects their open-mindedness and humble personality. Open-mindedness constitutes receptivity to both criticism and feedback from others and entails leveraging their personal growth with the feedback.  

Master the art of conflict resolution and negotiation for transformative change with our Conflict Resolution And Negotiation For Change Training – sign up today! 

Interpersonal Communication in the workplace 

Working with a team and interacting with others, such as colleagues, customers, or superiors, is essential for almost every job. Different jobs require different levels of Interpersonal Communication Skills, and some depend on them more than others. Here are some key benefits of having effective communicators in any workplace:

a) New opportunities: Having excellent Communication Skills translates to easy and smooth communication with colleagues, which results in more work opportunities and ultimately professional growth.  

b) Becoming an effective leader: The mark of a successful leader is their ability to communicate with everyone, regardless of their leadership position in the corporate or educational space. An individual who communicates effectively with all their team members can better strengthen their relationships and foster a trusting environment. These practices make the team more resilient in the long run.  

c) Express more gratitude: Expressing and receiving gratitude can have a significantly positive impact on an individual’s well-being and performance at work. Managers who convey their gratitude to their well-performing employees motivate them to work harder. Such employees feel heard, and their work is acknowledged, which automatically makes them put in significantly more work than usual. 

Jobs that require Interpersonal Communication Skills 

Any job that a candidate applies for requires Interpersonal Communication Skills in some form. Here is a list that describes the various jobs that are pivotal on robust Interpersonal Skills: 

Teachers need Interpersonal Skills to work well with their colleagues, students, administrators, and parents. They need to be empathetic and patient as they encourage students to learn and grow.

Administrative Assistants

Administrative Assistants need Interpersonal Skills to be reliable and dependable. They need to communicate regularly with customers and clients and handle their requests and inquiries.

Registered Nurses

Registered Nurses need Interpersonal Communication Skills to provide comfort and care to their patients. They need to be compassionate, emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and emotionally stable as they deal with various health issues and situations.

Marketing Managers

Marketing Managers need Interpersonal Skills to collaborate with their marketing and sales teams and customers. They need to communicate effectively and persuasively as they create and execute marketing campaigns and strategies.

Customer Service Agents

Customer Service Agents need Interpersonal Skills to handle and manage customers. They need to be empathetic, patient, and active listeners as they address customers’ problems, complaints, and feedback.

Benefits of Interpersonal Communication Skills

These skills have wide-ranging applications in both professional and personal contexts. These skills are crucial in fostering effective teamwork, providing exceptional customer service, delivering impactful presentations, and building and maintaining relationships. Here are some key areas where Interpersonal Communication Skills are highly valuable:

Workplace communication  

Strong Interpersonal Communication Skills are essential for fostering a positive and productive environment in the workplace. Here's how::

a) Effective teamwork and collaboration: Interpersonal Communication Skills enable individuals to collaborate effectively with colleagues, share ideas, and work together towards common goals.  

b) Leadership and management: Strong Communication Skills are crucial for leaders and managers to convey expectations, provide feedback, and inspire their teams.   

c) Customer service: Interacting with customers requires exceptional Interpersonal Communication Skills to listen attentively, understand their needs, and provide solutions effectively.   

d) Presentations and public speaking : The ability to communicate clearly and engage the audience is vital for delivering impactful presentations or public speeches.   

Personal relationships  

Interpersonal Communication Skills are equally important in personal relationships for establishing strong connections and resolving conflicts. Here’s how:

a) Building and maintaining relationships: Effective communication helps build trust, understanding, and intimacy in personal relationships, such as friendships, romantic partnerships, and family dynamics.   

b) Conflict resolution in personal life: They aid in resolving conflicts constructively, promoting healthy communication, and maintaining harmonious relationships.   

c) Active listening in relationships: Being an active listener in personal relationships enhances empathy, fosters deeper connections, and strengthens emotional bonds.   

d) Expressing feelings and needs: Effective communication allows individuals to express their feelings, needs, and desires, leading to greater understanding and satisfaction in relationships.  

By applying Interpersonal Communication Skills in these areas, individuals can enhance their professional success, build fulfilling personal relationships, and navigate challenging situations with confidence and empathy.   

Tips to enhance Interpersonal Communication Skills  

Enhancing Interpersonal Communication Skills is an ongoing process that requires continuous improvement. By actively working on these skills, individuals can become more effective communicators and build stronger connections with others. Here are some strategies to enhance your Communication Skills:   

a) Practice and feedback: Engage in role-playing and simulations to practice different communication scenarios and seek feedback from trusted individuals to refine Communication Skills.   

b) Continuous learning: Attend communication workshops and courses, read books and articles, and watch educational videos on Interpersonal Communication to gain new techniques and insights.   

c) Observing role models: Identify effective communicators, analyse their techniques, and apply their insights to personal communication styles.   

By consistently practicing, seeking feedback, and learning from others, individuals can enhance their Communication Skills and become more effective and confident communicators. These skills will benefit professional success and build stronger relationships in both personal and professional settings.   

Ready to excel in your personal and professional relationships? Join our Interpersonal Skills Course and unlock the keys building strong connections.   

Conclusion  

Interpersonal Communication Skills are crucial for personal and professional growth. Individuals can build stronger connections and resolve conflicts effectively by practising active listening, improving verbal and nonverbal communication, and fostering empathy. Continuous learning, seeking feedback, and observing role models also play key roles in honing these skills.   

Enhance your Communication Skills for personal and professional success with our Communication Skills Course – sign up now! 

Frequently Asked Questions

To enhance your active listening skills, you can practice these tips:

a) Pay attention to the speaker and avoid distractions.

b) Show interest and empathy by using verbal and non-verbal cues.

c) Ask open-ended questions and paraphrase what you heard.

d) Give feedback and avoid interrupting or judging.  

Yes, improving Interpersonal Communication Skills can boost your confidence. By communicating effectively, you can:

a) Express yourself clearly and assertively.

b) Build trust and rapport with others.

c) Handle conflicts and feedback constructively.

d) Learn from different perspectives and experiences.  

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Alongside our diverse Online Course Catalogue, encompassing 17 major categories, we go the extra mile by providing a plethora of free educational Online Resources like News updates, Blogs, videos, webinars, and interview questions. Tailoring learning experiences further, professionals can maximise value with customisable Course Bundles of TKA .   

The Knowledge Academy’s Knowledge Pass , a prepaid voucher, adds another layer of flexibility, allowing course bookings over a 12-month period. Join us on a journey where education knows no bounds. 

The Knowledge Academy offers various Communication Skills courses , including Public Speaking, Effective Communication and English Grammar Course . These courses cater to different skill levels, providing comprehensive insights into Communication Skills Interview Questions .

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4 Practical Interpersonal Communication Activities

We all know that authentic communication goes both ways, as an ongoing dialogue between two or more people.

But so often, we struggle to teach language in that way. That’s why it’s necessary to stress the importance of interpersonal communication.

Keep on reading to find out about 4 fun interpersonal communication activities that you can do with your students!

4 Effective Interpersonal Communication Activities

1. post-presentation q and a session, 2. conversation around the circle, 3. student-generated surveys, 4. random object improv, what are the 3 modes of communication, 1. interpretive communication, 2. presentational communication, 3. interpersonal communication, why your students need interpersonal communication activities.

Download: This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you can take anywhere. Click here to get a copy. (Download)

This is a clever way to inject some interpersonal flavor within the presentational mode.

Next time your students give a prepared presentation , follow up with a spontaneous question-and-answer session.

Provide some brief coaching on the vocabulary and sentence structure needed for asking questions, and then let the students ask whatever comes to mind related to the information presented. For this activity, make sure students know they will not be penalized in any way for incorrect grammar or pronunciation. If they feel free to make mistakes, it can lead to a truly uninhibited, two-way conversation.

Here’s a fun activity to do with your class.

Arrange your students to sit in a circle. Then, move the conversation in a clockwise or counter-clockwise direction as each student asks a question. Depending on their level of proficiency, these questions may be improvised on the spot or prepared ahead of time. You can choose to have each student ask a question of the peer sitting next to him/her; or you can have 3-5 different students volunteer answers to the question, depending on the group and their comfort level.

This activity can be adapted to different seating arrangements, and works well in a game format (i.e., have students compete to see which ones give the most answers.)

This is a survey activity that encourages short, structured responses. It can be adapted to any level and gives students structured practice with two-way communication.

Students must create survey questions based on a topic that you’re covering in class. For example, questions about their favorite leisure activities work well if you’re working on a unit about hobbies and pastimes. These can be presented in:

• Open-ended questions: “What is your favorite sport?”
• Yes/no questions: “Do you like to draw?”

Students then circulate around the room, asking their peers questions and compiling the results. At the end, the class regroups so students can share these results, using the target language. Common results shared include sentences like: “Four students like to play baseball,” “Six students like to draw,” and so on.

Jot down the names of a few random objects (i.e., “guitar,” “tree,” “pencil,” etc.) on slips of paper and put them in a hat. Students then walk up in pairs or small groups, pick an object out of the hat, and then improvise a short dialogue around that item. This activity can be loads of fun, getting even the shyest students out of their shell.

It’s widely accepted that we use three different ways to express ourselves, depending on the situation. For a language learner to become fluent in their target language, they need to first understand the different modes of communication and when to use them.

So, what’s the difference between the three? Let’s take a look.

This is a type of one-way communication where students use their listening and/or reading skills to comprehend spoken and written language. Some examples would be listening to a podcast or reading a book  and answering questions.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with interpretive communication activities in the classroom. In fact, they are invaluable for providing language exposure that can lead to fluency. And reading and listening are both crucial skills for effective communication.

But the awkward fact remains that real-life encounters with the language are usually about holding conversations  rather than one-sided listening or reading activities.

This is yet another instance of one-way communication—but in the other direction.

Presentational communication occurs when your students use their writing and speaking skills to present information or knowledge on a topic. Examples include performing a prepared skit or dialogue, or presenting a slideshow.

This type of communication is also valuable to your students. They need to learn how to organize and express their thoughts clearly.

But real conversations are spontaneous. You don’t get a chance to prepare a speech ahead of time. Rather, it’s a give-and-take of listening and responding.

This is two-way communication in which both sides actively negotiate meaning through a process of observing, monitoring and clarification.

Needless to say, this describes most authentic conversations in daily life . All parties spontaneously build meaning together.

But it’s tough to achieve this level of spontaneity within the constructs of a classroom, among students who may only have a basic vocabulary at their disposal.

Despite the challenges, though, interpersonal communication is essential for your students to learn how to use the language effectively.

Below are some reasons why you should be adding interpersonal communication activities in your lessons.

But first, if you want to maximize classroom communication and help your language learners speak more naturally,  FluentU   can help.

FluentU offers a unique learning experience not found in most language-learning curriculum—authenticity.  FluentU enables educators to teach language using a mixture of tried-and-true exercises and real-world material. As a result, students learn the mechanics of a language and practice communicating like a native speaker.

Now that we’ve covered the basics, here are some reasons why language learners should be actively building their interpersonal communication skills.

1. Interpersonal communication helps them build confidence and overcome anxiety about speaking

Let’s be honest; many students find it terrifying to speak up in a language class. They’re accustomed to carefully phrasing their communication via social media comments or text messages. Spontaneous, face-to-face communication feels unnatural and scary.

But by providing plenty of opportunities for interpersonal communication within your classroom, you can build your students’ comfort levels so they can go forth and communicate with confidence.

2. It develops a more natural understanding of language and how it works

As we constantly express ourselves and negotiate meaning with others, we develop an intuitive understanding of the language.

One example is grammatical rules. You can teach grammar in your lessons , but it won’t really make sense until someone has a chance to hear the rule in action so that they can recognize when something just doesn’t sound right.

3. It taps into the emotional, affective side of learning

What makes knowledge memorable? Often it’s the emotions we associate with it.

That’s why we often use songs, pictures,  stories and literature to make a lesson stick in our students’ minds.

The spontaneous interactions of interpersonal communication force us to dig a little deeper for our responses—tapping into that rich emotional landscape where true learning happens.

4. Interpersonal communication is the whole reason for studying a language

You know your students are not in your class because they want to learn how to prepare scripted dialogues or to read passages from a text.

They want to be able to listen and speak in their target language.

How many people do you know who studied a language for years in school, yet are unable to speak it? How sad and disappointing. The students in front of you dream of being able to converse fluently in the target language. That’s the whole reason they’re in your class in the first place.

And guess what. Interpersonal communication is the only way to get them there.

By now, you’re probably sold on the benefits of interpersonal communication— that is, if you weren’t already.

But when it comes to incorporating spontaneous, two-way communication in your classroom, you may feel that your creativity is quickly stretched to the limit. That’s where we can help! Read further to learn how to prepare interpersonal communication activities that you can easily incorporate in your classroom routine.

Communication truly is a two-way street—and the foreign language activities above can help you walk down it.

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49 Communication Activities, Exercises & Games

Read on to learn about how important communication is in a relationship and how you can work on improving your communication skills.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

What are communication activities, exercises, and games, the role of communication in a relationship, how can we develop better communication skills, 18 communication games and activities for adults, 17 exercises to help improve communication in a relationship, the importance of communication in the family unit, 14 family therapy activities for communication, a take-home message.

The resources in this piece include tips, techniques, exercises, games, and other activities that give you the opportunity to learn more about effective communication, help guide your interactions with others, and improve your communication skills.

Some might feel like a chore you need to cross off your to-do list while others may make you forget you’re not just having fun with your family , but actually boosting vital life skills; however, they all have one thing in common: they will help you become a better, more effective, and more positive communicator with those who mean the most to you.

But what’s the deal with these activities, exercises, and therapy games ? Are they really that important or impactful? Do we really need to work on communicating when it seems like we’re pretty good at it already?

Check out this quote from Stephen R. Covey and take a minute to think about how vital communication really is.

The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. And if our words and our actions come from superficial human relations techniques rather than from our own inner core, others will sense that duplicity. We simply won’t be able to create and sustain the foundation necessary for effective interdependence.

Stephen R. Covey

As Covey notes, communication is the foundation of all of our relationships , forming the basis of our interactions and feelings about one another.

According to Australia’s Better Health Channel, communication is “ the transfer of information from one place to another ” and within relationships, it “ allows you to explain to someone else what you are experiencing and what your needs are ” (Victoria Department of Health & Human Services, n.d.).

When communication is good, we feel good about our relationships. Dr. Susan Heitler (2010) puts it this way:

When people say, ‘We have a great relationship,’ what they often mean is how they feel when they talk with one another. They mean, ‘I feel positive toward that person when we interact. I send and I receive positive vibes with them.’

Besides making our relationships easier, there are also relationship-boosting benefits to good communication:

• Effective communication shows respect and value of the other person.
• It helps us to better understand each other; not all communication is about understanding—some are intended to fight, dismiss, invalidate, undermine, etc.—but it should be!
• It makes us feel more comfortable with each other and encourages even more healthy and effective communication (Abass, n.d.).

Download 3 Communication Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to improve communication skills and enjoy more positive social interactions with others.

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Fortunately, all it takes to develop better communication skills is a commitment to do so and a little bit of effort.

These tips from Australia’s Better Health Channel can help guide you toward better communication with your partner or spouse (these tips can also apply to any other relationship in your life with a little tweaking):

• Set aside time to talk without interruption from other people or distractions like phones, computers or television.
• Think about what you want to say.
• Be clear about what you want to communicate.
• Make your message clear, so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean.
• Talk about what is happening and how it affects you.
• Talk about what you want, need and feel – use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I need’, ‘I want’ and ‘I feel’.
• Accept responsibility for your own feelings.
• Listen to your partner. Put aside your own thoughts for the time being and try to understand their intentions, feelings, needs and wants (this is called empathy ).
• Share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you.
• Be aware of your tone of voice.
• Negotiate and remember that you don’t have to be right all the time. If the issue you are having is not that important, sometimes let the issue go, or agree to disagree (Victoria Department of Health & Human Services, n.d.).

If you’re experiencing high levels of conflict in your relationship(s), the Better Health Channel has some specific recommendations for you:

• Avoid using the silent treatment.
• Don’t jump to conclusions. Find out all the facts rather than guessing at motives.
• Discuss what actually happened. Don’t judge.
• Learn to understand each other, not to defeat each other.
• Talk using the future and present tense, not the past tense.
• Concentrate on the major problem, and don’t get distracted by other minor problems.
• Talk about the problems that hurt your or your partner’s feelings, then move on to problems about differences in opinions.
• Use ‘I feel’ statements, not ‘You are’ statements (Victoria Department of Health & Human Services, n.d.).

8 Tips on How to Teach Communication Skills

This useful framework comes from Alice Stott at Edutopia (2018):

• Physical: How a speaker uses their body language, facial expressions, and voice.
• Linguistic: The speaker’s use of language, including their understanding of formality and rhetorical devices.
• Cognitive: The content of what a speaker says and their ability to build on, challenge, question, and summarize others’ ideas.
• Social and emotional : How well a speaker listens, includes others, and responds to their audience (Stott, 2018).

Once you have a good framework for understanding communication, try these 8 ways to foster effective communication in your children or students:

• Teach your kids empathy so they can get a sense of what the other person is thinking and feeling.
• Teach your kids conversation skills with techniques like puppets and video modeling, which they can then apply in exercises and activities.
• Establish listening and speaking procedures in the classroom or at home (e.g., Dr. Allen Mendler’s SLANT strategy : Sit up straight, Listen, Answer and ask questions, Nod to show interest, Track the speaker; Mendler, 2013).
• Teach respectful vocabulary and remind students that being “cold” (passive) or “hot” (angry) will probably result in less understanding and more conflict.
• Teach the power of pausing (e.g., encourage them to pause, think, and ask questions like “What do you mean by that?” and “Why?”).
• Have your kids practice speaking and listening in natural settings (e.g., outside of the home and classroom).
• Encourage introspection in your children; it will help them understand themselves better as well as those around them.
• Practice taking turns with a talking stick or a ball, teaching your children that they can speak when they have the object but they are expected to listen when others are talking (Stanfield, 2017).

One of the most effective ways to avoid unnecessary disputes is to practice non-violent communication (NVC). According to Rosenberg (1999), non-violent communication methods can serve us in three ways:

• It can increase your ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection
• It helps connect empathically with yourself and others to have more satisfying relationships
• It shares resources so everyone is able to benefit

In an effort to exemplify the various forms that communication can take, we want to share some key differences between passive, assertive, and aggressive communication styles.

• Specifically, a passive communicator prioritizes the needs of others, even at their own expense. This often leads to being taken advantage of and having their own needs disregarded by others as well.
• An assertive communicator mirrors the values of NVC, which is what we should aim for. This communication style emphasizes the importance of all parties’ needs and is defined by confidence and the willingness to compromise
• Aggressive communication, also referred to as violent communication, disregards any other parties involved and consists of constant disrespect, interrupting, and domination.

Now that you are familiar with these types of communication styles, it’s time to analyze how you convey your thoughts to others (and if there is any room for improvement).

If you’re looking for some concrete ways to build communication skills in adults, you’ve come to the right place. Below are 18 games, activities, and exercises that you can use to help adults develop more effective listening and communication skills.

5 Communication Activities for Adults

To get started improving your (or your team’s, or your student’s) communication skills, give these 5 activities a try.

1. Card Pieces

This exercise from the team at MindTools is a good way to help participants develop more empathy, consider other perspectives, build their communication and negotiation skills.

First, make sure you have enough people for at least three teams of two, enough playing cards to give out between 4 and 6 cards to each person, and 15 minutes to spare.

Here’s how the activity works:

• Cut each playing card into half diagonally, then in half diagonally again, so you have four triangular pieces for each card.
• Mix all the pieces together and put equal numbers of cards into as many envelopes as you have teams.
• Divide people up into teams of three or four. You need at least three teams. If you’re short of people, teams of two will work just as well.
• Give each team an envelope of playing card pieces.
• Each team has three minutes to sort its pieces, determine which ones it needs to make complete cards, and develop a bargaining strategy.
• After three minutes, allow the teams to start bartering for pieces. People can barter on their own or collectively with their team. Give the teams eight minutes to barter.
• When the time is up, count each team’s completed cards. Whichever team has the most cards wins the round.

Afterward, you can use these questions to guide discussion on the exercise:

• Which negotiation strategies worked? Which didn’t?
• What could they have done better?
• What other skills, such as active listening or empathy, did they need to use?

2. Listen and Draw

This game is easy to play but not so easy to “win.” It requires participants’ full attention and active listening.

Gather your group of participants together and hand out a piece of paper and a pen or pencil to each player. Tell them you will give them verbal instructions on drawing an object, one step at a time.

For example, you might give them instructions like:

• Draw a square, measuring 5 inches on each side.
• Draw a circle within the square, such that it fits exactly in the middle of the square.
• Intersect 2 lines through the circle, dividing the circle into 4 equal parts.

As the exercise continues, it will get progressively harder; one misstep could mean that every following instruction is misinterpreted or misapplied. Participants will need to listen carefully to ensure their drawing comes out accurately. Once the instructions have all been read, compare drawings and decide who won.

For added engagement, decide in advance on what the finished product is supposed to represent (e.g., a spiderweb, a tree).

3. Communication Origami

This is a great exercise to help people understand that we all hear and interpret things differently, even if we are given the exact same information.

Here’s how it works:

• Give one sheet of standard-sized paper (8.5 x 11 inches) to each participant.
• Tell your participants that you will be giving them step-by-step instructions on how to fold their piece of paper into an origami shape.
• Inform your participants that they must keep their eyes and mouths closed as they follow instructions; they are not allowed to look at the paper or ask any clarifying questions.
• Give the group your instructions on how to fold the paper into the origami shape of your choice.
• Once the instructions have all been given, have everyone open their eyes and compare their shape with the intended shape.

You will likely find that each shape is a little bit different! To hit the point home, refer to these discussion points and questions:

• Make the point that each paper looks different even though you have given the same instructions to everybody. What does this mean?
• Ask the group if you think the results would have been better if they kept their eyes open or were allowed to ask questions.
• Communicating clearly is not easy, we all interpret the information we get differently that’s why it’s very important to ask questions and confirm understanding to ensure the communicated message is not distorted.

4. Guess the Emotion

Another useful exercise from the Training Course Material website is called “ Guess the Emotion .” As you might expect, it involves acting out and guessing emotions. This helps all participants practice empathy and better understand their coworkers or group members’ reactions.

Follow these instructions to play this engaging game:

• Divide the group into two teams.
• Place on a table (or put in a box) a packet of cards, each of which has a particular emotion typed on it
• Have a participant from Group A take the top card from the table and act out (pantomime) the emotion for his/her group. This is to be done in a fixed time limit (such as a minute or two).
• If the emotion is guessed correctly by Group A, they receive ten points.
• Now have a participant from Group B act out an emotion; award points as appropriate.
• Rotate the acting opportunities between the two groups.
• After 20 to 30 minutes of acting and guessing, call time and announce the winning team based on its point total.

If you have a particularly competitive group, consider giving a prize to the winning team!

5. The Guessing Game

Finally, another fun and engaging game that can boost communication skills: “ The Guessing Game. ” You will probably recognize this game, as it’s similar to what many people know as “ Twenty Questions ,” except there is no hard limit on the number of questions you can ask.

To start, separate the group into two teams of equal (or roughly equal) size. Instruct one player from each team to leave the room for one minute and come up with a common object that can be found in most offices (e.g., a stapler, a printer, a whiteboard).

When this person returns, their teammates will try to guess what the object is by asking only “Yes or No” questions (i.e., questions that can only be answered with “yes” or “no”). The team can ask as many questions as they need to figure it out, but remind them that they’re in competition with the other team. If there’s time, you can have multiple rounds for added competition between the teams.

Take the last 10 minutes or so to discuss and debrief. Use the following points and questions to guide it:

• Tell the group that obviously it took a long time and effort for us to find out the object in each round, but what if we didn’t have time and only had one question to ask to find out the object, what would that question be?
• The question would be “What is the object?” which is an open-ended question.
• Open-ended questions are an excellent way to save time and energy and help you get to the information you need fast, however, closed questions can also be very useful in some instances to confirm your understanding or to help you control the conversation with an overly talkative person/customer.

5 Listening Activities for Adults

If you’re intent on improving listening skills, in particular, you have lots of options; give these 5 activities a try.

1. Telephone Exercise

This classic exercise from Becky Norman (2018) at Sift’s Training Zone illustrates why listening is such an important skill, and why we shouldn’t ignore any opportunities to improve it.

Split your group into two even lines. At opposite ends of each line, whisper a phrase or short sentence to the person on the end and tell them to pass it on using only whispers, one person at a time. They can only repeat the phrase or sentence once.

While participants are busy passing the message along to the next person in line, play music or engage them in conversation to create some white noise. This will make it a bit more difficult but it will mimic real-life conditions, where distractions abound.

When the messages have made it to the end of each line, have the last person to receive the message in each line report out on what they heard. Next, have the first person to receive the message in each line report the original message and compare it to the final message received.

2. Stop Listening Exercise

This exercise , also from Becky Norman’s piece (2018), will show participants the emotional consequences of not listening and—hopefully—encourage them to practice better listening skills.

Split your group into two smaller groups of equal size and take one group outside the room. Tell them that they are instructed to stop listening to their partner after about 30 seconds, and to be open in showing their disinterest. Tell the other group to think of something that they are passionate about and be prepared to tell their soon-to-be partner a meaningful or personally relevant story about this topic.

Bring the other group back in, put all the participants into pairs, and tell them to get started. Observe the behavior from the listeners and the reactions from the speakers until you’re sure each speaker has picked up on what’s happening. Stop the conversations at this point and explain the instructions that were given to each group.

Facilitate a group discussion on the importance of listening, how to use active listening, and what indicates that someone is truly listening.

3. Listener and Talker Activity

The “Listener and Talker” activity is another good activity for showing the importance of active listening and giving participants a chance to practice their skills.

Divide your group into pairs, with one partner assigned to the talker role and the other assigned to the listener role. The talker’s job is to describe what he or she wants from a vacation without specifying a destination. The listener’s job is to listen attentively to what is being said (and what is not being said) and to demonstrate their listening through their behavior.

After a few minutes of active listening, the listener should summarize the three or main criteria the talker is considering when it comes to enjoying their vacation. Finally, the listener should try to sell the talker on a destination for their vacation. After a quick debrief on how well the listener listened, the two should switch roles and try the exercise again.

This exercise gives each participant a chance to practice talking about their wants and needs, as well as an opportunity to engage in active listening and use the knowledge they gained to understand and relate to the speaker.

4. Memory Test Activity

This great activity from TrainingCourseMaterial.com is called the “Memory Test” activity.

• Tell participants that you are going to read them a list of words to test their memory.
• Instruct them to listen carefully, as they cannot write down any of the words. Tell them you will test them later to see how many of the words they can remember.
• When you finish reading the list of words, distract your participants by talking about something else for at least one full minute.
• Once you have finished talking, have each participant write down as many words as they can remember from the list.

You (and your participants) will find that it’s pretty difficult to remember a list of somewhat-random words, especially when there is a break in time and another discussion in between hearing them and recalling them! Relate this to real-life listening by emphasizing the importance of paying attention to people when they are speaking to you, especially if it’s an important conversation.

5. Just Listen Activity

This activity comes from the folks at MindTools.com and offers participants a chance to communicate their feelings and provide a recap or rephrasing of another person’s feelings on a subject.

To get started, you will need an even number of people to pair off (or prepare to partner with one yourself) and eight index cards per pair. These index cards should have one topic written on each card; try to make sure the topics are interesting but not too controversial, as you don’t want listeners to dislike the speakers if they disagree with their viewpoint (e.g., you should probably avoid politics and religion).

Use these instructions to conduct the activity:

• Have the team members sit down in their pairs.
• Give each pair eight of the index cards.
• Instruct one partner to choose a random card and then speak for three minutes on how he or she feels about the topic.
• Instruct the other partner to stay quiet while the first partner talks, just listening instead of speaking.
• After the three minutes is up, the listener has one minute to recap what the speaker said (not agree, disagree, or debate, just recap).
• Have each pair switch roles and repeat the exercise so both partners get a chance to speak and to listen.

After each participant has played both roles, end the activity and guide a discussion with the following questions:

• How did speakers feel about their partners’ ability to listen with an open mind? Did their partners’ body language communicate how they felt about what was being said?
• How did listeners feel about not being able to speak about their own views on the topic? How well were they able to keep an open mind? How well did they listen?
• How well did the listening partners summarize the speakers’ opinions? Did they get better as the exercise progressed?
• How can they use the lessons from this exercise at work?

You will find this activity at this link , exercise #4.

6 Nonverbal Communication Activities for Adults

Nonverbal communication is just as important as verbal communication, if not more so!

Use these 6 activities to practice reading and “speaking” effective nonverbal messages.

1. Power of Body Language

This activity from TrainingCourseMaterial.com will help your participants work on their body language skills.

• Tell the participants that you are going to give them a series of instructions and you want them to follow them as fast as they can.
• Put your hand to your nose.
• Clap your hands.
• Touch your shoulder.
• Stamp your foot.
• Cross your arms.
• Put your hand to your mouth (but while saying this one, put your hand to your nose).
• Observe how many participants copied what you did instead of what you said.

Share this observation with your group and lead a discussion on how body language can influence our understanding and our reactions. It can reinforce what we hear or it can interfere with the verbal communication we receive. The more aware we are of this possibility, the better communicators we become. It’s vital to keep your own body language in mind, just as it’s vital to notice and understand others’ body language.

2. Clap and Follow

The “Clap and Follow” activity is a great way to practice using your body in conjunction with verbal communication.

It works like this:

• Tell your group that this is a game that requires their full concentration.
• When they hear one clap from the leader (you), tell them this means they should stand up.
• When they hear two claps from the leader, they should hop once in place.
• When they hear three claps, they should rub their belly.
• When they hear four claps, they should do a 360-degree turn on the spot.
• When they hear five claps, they should pat their head.
• Begin the activity! Start with one clap, then two claps, and so on until you have given the group each instruction once.
• Now, mix it up! Switch between the five different instructions and begin to pick up the pace. This is when the eliminations begin.
• Each time a participant engages in the wrong activity, eliminate them from the game. Continue until there is one clear winner.

If you have a competitive group, you may want to bring a prize to ensure active engagement with the exercise. It will give participants a chance to practice nonverbal communication in a fun context.

3. Wordless Acting

This activity from Grace Fleming (2018) at ThoughtCo will show your participants how much we “speak” with our body language and facial expressions.

Here are the instructions:

• Separate your group into pairs.
• Assign one participant in each pair to be Partner A and the other to be Partner B.
• Give each participant a copy of the script (copied below).
• Instruct Participant A to read his or her lines out loud, but instruct Participant B to communicate his or her lines in a nonverbal way.
• Provide Participant B with a secret emotional distraction written on a piece of paper (e.g., Participant B is in a rush, is really bored, or is feeling guilty).
• Have each pair work through the script.
• After each pair has finished working through the script, have the “A” participants guess what emotion their partner was feeling.

This is the script you will give each participant:

A: Have you seen my book? I can’t remember where I put it. B: Which one? A: The murder mystery. The one you borrowed. B: Is this it? A: No. It’s the one you borrowed. B: I did not! A: Maybe it’s under the chair. Can you look? B: Okay—just give me a minute. A: How long are you going to be? B: Geez, why so impatient? I hate when you get bossy. A: Forget it. I’ll find it myself. B: Wait—I found it!

After the activity, guide a discussion on how much information we can pick up from nonverbal communication and how important it is to regulate our bodies and our facial expressions when communicating, even if we’re also using verbal communication.

4. We Have to Move Now!

Another great exercise from Grace Fleming (2018) is called “We Have to Move Now!” and it will help your participants learn how to express and detect several different emotions.

These are the instructions for this activity:

• Cut several strips of paper.
• On each strip of paper, write down a mood, feeling, or disposition, like guilty, happy, suspicious, paranoid, insulted, or insecure.
• Fold the strips of paper so you can’t see what is written on it and place them in a bowl or jar. These are your prompts.
• Have each participant take a prompt from the bowl or jar and read the exact same sentence to the class, but with the emotion the prompt specifies.
• The sentence everybody will read is: “We all need to gather our possessions and move to another building as soon as possible.”
• Have the participants guess the emotion of each reader by writing down what they think the speaker is feeling (or what they are supposed to be feeling).

After each participant has had a chance to read the sentence based on one of the prompts, run through the emotions displayed and see how many each participant guessed correctly. Finally, lead a debriefing discussion on how things like tone and body language can impact the way a message is received.

5. Stack the Deck

All you’ll need for this exercise is a deck of playing cards, a blindfold for each participant, and some space to move around.

Here’s how “Stack the Deck” works:

• Shuffle the deck of cards and hand one out to each participant.
• Instruct the participants to keep their cards a secret; no one should see the suit or color of another participant’s card.
• Tell the participants that they will not be allowed to talk at all during this exercise.
• Instruct your participants to assemble into four groups according to their suit (hearts, clubs, diamonds, spades), but using only nonverbal communication.
• If you have the time and your participants have the inclination, try blindfolding each participant and giving the same instructions—it makes it much more difficult and more time-consuming!
• Once participants have all gathered into one of the four groups, have them line up according to their rank (Ace is the lowest, King is the highest); again, they cannot speak or show their cards to anyone during this part of the exercise.
• The group that lines up in the right order first wins!

As always, you can offer a prize to the winning team to motivate your participants.

This exercise will show how difficult it is to communicate without words, but it will also show your participants that it is not only possible, it gets easier as they start to pick up on one another’s nonverbal cues.

You can find this exercise at this link (Activity #3).

6. Silent Movie

Finally, facilitate this activity to really drive home the importance of effective nonverbal communication.

Divide your participants into two groups. For the first half of the activity, one group will be screenwriters and the other group will be actors. In the second half, the two groups will switch roles.

Instruct the screenwriters to write a silent movie, but to keep these things in mind:

• Silent movies tell a story without words. It’s important to start the scene with the actor doing an obvious task, like cleaning the house or rowing a boat.
• The scene must be interrupted when a second actor (or several actors) enter the scene, and their arrival should have a big impact. The character(s) could be anyone (or anything), including burglars, salesmen, children, or even animals.
• A physical commotion must occur.
• The problem that is caused by the commotion must be resolved by the end of the scene.

Give the screenwriters time to write out their script, then have the actors perform the script. Once the scene is finished, have the groups switch roles.

The communication game – Asgar Hussain

2 Communication Group Activities

Other great activities for group communication include the “Square Talk” and “Follow All Instructions” activities.

1. Square Talk Activity

For this activity , you will need one blindfold for each participant, one long piece of rope for each team (teams should be composed of around 5 participants each), and 25 minutes.

Follow these steps to give this activity a try:

• Divide your group of participants into groups of about 5 each.
• Clear the room so you have as much space as possible.
• Blindfold each participant and tell them their objective: to make a square from a rope (i.e., stand in the shape of a square with their team).
• Disorientate each participant by moving them a bit, spinning them around, etc.
• All team members are blindfolded and must remain so for the duration of the activity.
• The rope you are holding is approximately ___ feet in length.
• The role you are holding is knotted together to form a circle; it must not be undone.
• You must not let go of the rope.
• You will be told when you have 5 minutes remaining.
• Allow the teams to work on the activity and inform them when they have 5 minutes left.

Once the teams have given this activity their best shot, use these 5 discussion questions to review the importance of good group communication:

• Do you feel as a group you communicated effectively?
• During the Activity, what communication skills did you use effectively?
• During the activity, what communication skills could you have used to improve performance?
• How important is communication in the workplace? Why?
• What key points have you learned about communication from this activity, that you wish to apply in the workplace?

2. Follow All Instructions Activity

This activity from TrainingCourseMaterial.com is a great one for young people, but it can be used with participants of all ages. All you’ll need is a set of instructions for each participant.

• Write all of your teams initials at the top right-hand corner of this sheet.
• Write your first name on your sheet of paper.
• Write the total of 3 + 16 + 32 + 64 here: __________________
• Underline instruction 1 above.
• Check the time by your watch with that of one of your neighbor’s.
• Write down the difference in time between the two watches at the foot of this page.
• Draw three circles in the left-hand margin.
• Put a tick in each of the circles mentioned in 6.
• Sign your signature at the foot of the page.
• On the back of the page, divide 50 by 12.5.
• When you get to this point in the test, stand up, then sit down and continue with the next item.
• If you have carefully followed all these instructions, call out ‘I have’.
• On the reverse of this page, draw quickly what you think an upright bicycle looks like from overhead.
• Check your answer to Item 9, multiply it by 5 and write the result in the left-hand margin opposite this item.
• Write the 5th, 10th, 9th and 20th letters of the alphabet here: ___________________
• Punch three holes with your pen here: o o o
• If you think you are the first person to get this far, call out ‘I’m in the lead’.
• Underline all the even digits on the left-hand side of the page.
• Draw triangles around the holes you punched in Item 15.
• Now you’ve finished reading all the instructions, obey only 1, 2, 20 & 21.
• Stand up and say, “We’re the greatest team in the World!”

As you can see, the instructions include lots of silly directives (e.g., “When you get to this point in the test, stand up, then sit down and continue with the next item.”) that will identify who is following the directions and who is not—but the person that stands is actually the one not following directions!

The first and only verbal instruction you will give participants is to read all the written instructions first before engaging in any of the directives. The first person to complete the list will be declared the winner of the activity. You can offer a prize to the winner if you think the group would be motivated by it.

This exercise is a fun way to see who is paying attention and who is skipping the most vital instruction—to read everything before acting.

7 Communication Games for Couples

Defeating Divorce shares the following three games aimed at improving communication in a romantic relationship.

This game is goal-directed, meaning the couple is working towards a common goal, and that goal requires effective communication.

• The couple sits back to back with an identical set of building blocks in front of each of them.
• One partner uses their blocks to create some sort of building or structure.
• The builder partner then relays a series of instructions to the other partner to help him or her build the exact same structure.
• The listener partner must try to build the same structure based on the speaker partner’s instructions.

This game takes some serious teamwork and good communication, and it can be repeated as needed to help a couple build their skills.

2. Minefield

“Minefield” is a physical game that will not only get both partners up and moving, but it will also require a great deal of trust and communication to complete the challenge.

You will need a blindfold for one partner, some space to navigate, and some objects with which you can create a minefield or obstacle course. Once the course is ready to go, blindfold one partner and bring them into the room.

The challenge here is for the non-blindfolded partner to guide the blindfolded partner through the obstacle course using only verbal communication. The couple will only succeed if the blindfolded partner has trust in their partner and the non-blindfolded partner is an effective verbal communicator.

Feelings of frustration are common in this game, but it can be a great way to highlight issues in communication or, alternately, highlight the couple’s communication strengths.

3. Give Me a Hand

This game is another one that can be frustrating for the couple but ultimately provides a great opportunity to build effective communication skills and unite the two in a common goal.

In this game, the couple will be given a seemingly easy task to complete, such as buttoning a shirt or tying a shoe, but with a catch—each partner will have one arm tied behind their back. The couple will find that the lack of one arm makes the task much more difficult than they might expect!

To complete the task, the couple will need to communicate effectively and coordinate their movements. It will be tough, but immensely satisfying to successfully complete this challenge!

4. Twenty Questions Times Two

If you remember the game “Twenty Questions”, you’ll recognize this game. It can be used to help couples communicate, share important details, and strengthen their connection.

Here’s how:

• The couple should schedule some time alone, without distractions.
• Before playing the game, each partner should come up with a list of 20 detailed personal questions to ask the other partner. The couple should feel free to get creative here!
• Both partners take turns asking each other one question at a time.
• When they’ve finished asking each other their questions, they should reverse them! Instead of asking questions like, “What is your favorite color?” each partner will ask, “What is my favorite color?”

This fun twist on a familiar game will result in greater knowledge and understanding of your spouse and, hopefully, better communication skills.

5. Eye-to-Eye

This game is a good way for couples to work on communicating and improving their connection, and all you need is your eyes!

Here’s how to do it:

• The couple sits facing each other, close enough to hold hands.
• Each partner looks directly into the other partner’s eyes.
• Each partner should take a minute to notice the feelings they are experiencing at this point.
• One partner begins talking about something simple and easy to discuss, like what happened that day, what they had for lunch, or something they are grateful for.
• The other partner reciprocates with a similar conversation, all while holding eye contact.
• The couple continues sharing things one at a time until each partner has shared at least three or four times.
• The couple discusses what the experience was like.

Many people find this game uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it can greatly enhance your sense of intimacy with your partner.

6. The Top Three

Similar to the “three good things” exercise, this game’s aim is to boost a couple’s gratitude for one another and give them both a chance to practice expressing it. Couples should schedule a time for this game every day, but the good news is that it doesn’t take long—just a few minutes will do.

To play “The Top Three”, couples should follow these instructions:

• At the end of each day, take some time to reflect on your day. Think about what your partner has done for you today.
• Take turns sharing those three things with your partner and tell them what each thing meant to you.
• Don’t forget to say “thank you” or otherwise verbally express your gratitude to your partner!

This game gets couples to practice vocalizing their appreciation and expressing gratitude, two things that are not necessarily in everyone’s daily communications but can have a big impact on a relationship.

7. Make a Playdate

Playdates are not just for kids or puppies—they are a great idea for couples as well! A play date is not your average, regularly scheduled programming sort of date, but something that is different, spontaneous, unique, and/or just plain fun!

Here are the three ground rules for the playdate:

• It has to be something for just the couple to do and they cannot include the kids or discuss mundane things like chores or bills.
• It has to be something that requires both partners to be present in the moment; think sailing, rock climbing, or dance lessons rather than seeing a movie or going out to dinner.
• The couple should take turns picking the activity and try to surprise their partner with something new.

Planning this date will not only make it easier to feel connected and closer to one another, but it also provides couples with an opportunity to communicate their love for one another through their actions. Depending on the date activity, it can also provide some much-needed time for the couple to talk.

5 Exercises and Activities for Married Couples

These exercises , also from Defeating Divorce, are not just for married couples, but for anyone in a committed relationship.

1. Fireside Chats

This communication exercise is based on President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s “fireside chats,” in which he addressed the American people with the intention of making it feel as if he was speaking directly into their living room, carrying on a calm and rational discussion of important issues.

The intention of this exercise for couples is similar: to make the couple feel more connected, more aware of what is going on in each other’s lives, and to maintain a pulse on how the relationship is going.

The two partners should schedule a 15 to 30-minute “fireside chat” each week to practice their ability to speak calmly, respectfully, and effectively about important and relevant issues. They should minimize the chances of distraction (turn off the TV, put their phones on silent, etc.) and focus only on one another for these chats.

What the couple discusses is up to them, but if there are salient relationship issues, this is a good time to talk about them. If the issues are very serious, it may be a good idea to start out this exercise talking about less intense, less emotional topics before moving on to the problem areas.

2. High-Low Activity

The high-low activity also aims to help couples feel more connected and in touch with one another, which requires measured and thoughtful communication. Engaging in this exercise daily will give the couple a chance to practice their communication skills on a regular basis, as well as their active listening skills.

Here’s how the exercise works:

• Wait until the end of the day (e.g., at the end of dinner, around bedtime) to put it into practice.
• The couple will then “check-in” with each other about the other’s day.
• Each partner will ask the other to share their “high” of the day or the best part of their day.
• Next, each partner will ask the other to share their “low” of the day or the worst or most disappointing part of their day.
• As one partner is sharing, the other should practice active listening techniques, conveying their empathy and understanding to their partner.

This simple activity will result in a more intimate and understanding relationship between the two partners, all for just a few minutes a day.

3. Listening Without Words

If a couple wants to practice both their verbal and nonverbal communication, this is a great way to do it. The “Listening Without Words” activity allows each partner to apply both verbal and nonverbal communication skills, as it involves switching between only speaking and only listening.

This is how to practice it:

• The couple will schedule some time for themselves without kids, work, or other responsibilities interrupting them.
• They set a timer for somewhere between 3 to 5 minutes.
• Until the timer goes off, one partner acts as the speaker and the other acts as the listener. The speaker will talk about any subject they’d like to talk about.
• While the speaker talks, the listener will attempt to show the speaker compassion, empathy, and understanding through nonverbal communication only (e.g., smiling, nodding, taking their partner’s hand).
• When the timer goes off, the partners will have a chance to process what they experienced and discuss any thoughts or feelings that came up.
• Finally, the partners switch roles and repeat the exercise.

This exercise is a great way to boost your bond and your skills at the same time.

4. Eye See You

Similar to a previous exercise (“Eye-to-Eye”), this exercise relies heavily on eye contact; however, unlike the previous exercise, this one does not allow talking until the end.

Here’s how to give it a try:

• The couple should be in a quiet and relaxing environment, with as few distractions as possible.
• They sit in two chairs facing one another, near to one another but not touching.
• The couple sets a timer for five minutes and settles in their respective seats, making and holding eye contact with one another. They will hold eye contact but refrain from speaking or touching until the timer goes off.
• Both partners should be encouraged to note any thoughts, feelings, or sensations that come bubbling up during these five minutes.
• Once the timer goes off, the two should try to guess what the other person was thinking and feeling during the five minutes. Once they have a chance to guess, they should discuss these things that bubbled to the surface as they maintained eye contact.

It might surprise some people to hear what their partner was thinking and feeling during the activity, but a strong relationship depends on understanding and empathizing with one another, making communication like this a necessity.

5. Send Me a Postcard

Although we’ve mostly focused on verbal communication and communications via body language, facial expressions, and touch, there is another form that we haven’t mentioned: written communication. This activity guides the couple in developing more effective written communication skills.

Both partners should have two blank postcards and something to write with for this exercise. On one postcard, each partner will write down a message to the other partner communicating a frustration, a feeling, or a desire. They should take a few minutes to create a thoughtful message to their partner.

Once they have their postcard ready to “mail” each partner will deliver their message to their partner without any verbal communication. They will both read their partner’s message and take a few moments to process. When they feel ready, they will use their remaining blank postcard to craft a response to their partner’s message.

When both partners have finished writing their response, they will deliver those messages to one another as well. After they have both read the response postcards, the couple can debrief and discuss their messages to one another.

5 Communication Exercises for Couples Therapy

If you’re hungry for more couples’ communication exercises, maybe these five exercises will hit the spot!

1. Active Listening

Active listening is not the easiest skill to master, but it is an important one to develop. This exercise from marriage counseling expert Racheal Tasker will give you a chance to practice it with the person closest to you.

The next time you and your partner are talking about something important or sensitive, put these tips and techniques into practice:

• The speaker should remain focused on a single thought or idea.
• The listener should listen attentively to the speaker, concentrating on understanding their perspective and attempting to gain new insights into their thoughts and feelings.
• The speaker and listener should switch roles after a while to allow each to practice both types of communication.
• Both partners should practice speaking and listening with patience and love, allowing their feelings for their partner to guide them toward true understanding rather than just reacting (Tasker, n.d.).

2. Sharing Emotions Freely

It can be tough to be truly open with our emotions, but it’s vital for effective communication and a healthy relationship. Try this exercise to work on this skill.

The couple should agree to try this exercise together and follow these instructions:

• Decide on a specific time and place to put this exercise into practice.
• Let your partner know what you need to feel safe sharing your feelings, and listen to what your partner needs to feel safe sharing his or her feelings.
• Be sure to also ask your partner what would make him or her feel more comfortable as you share your feelings, as it can be just as difficult to hear as it is to share.
• Share with your partner! If it helps, use a timer to limit how much sharing can occur and to ensure equal time to share feelings.
• Listen to what your partner tells you and discuss what, if any, concrete steps you can take based on the information you’ve both shared. Commit to using the information you gained to improve your communication skills and your relationship in general (Tasker, n.d.).

3. Use Positive Language

Another great exercise from Racheal Tasker is focused on using positive language with one another. It can be surprisingly easy to slide into a pattern of mostly neutral or even negative language with your partner, but you can use this exercise to counter that tendency.

Here’s what to do:

• Commit to using positive language when you communicate with your partner.
• Ask your partner to make the same commitment to positive language.
• Avoid being overly critical or negative when communicating with your partner.
• Use a positive and encouraging tone when you speak to your partner.
• Keep an eye on the words you use; try to incorporate words like “love”, “feel”, “appreciate”, and ditch words like “fault”, “never”, and “hate” (e.g., “I hate it when you do X!”).

As partners continue to practice this exercise on a regular basis, they will find that their communication style grows more positive with less effort, and their relationship will flourish (Tasker, n.d.).

4. Take a Trip Together

There’s nothing like traveling with someone to work on your communication skills! Making a trip successful requires tons of communication, coordination, and clear expectations, but it can also open you up to fun new experiences and relaxation. To practice communicating with your partner, try planning and taking a trip together.

Plan your trip with a focus on doing things you both like, going to a place you’d both like to visit, and trying new food, activities, and other experiences together. Getting out of your routine and into a novel environment can do wonders for your communication—not to mention your overall mood.

Use some of the other tips and techniques mentioned in this article when you are planning your trip and while you are enjoying your trip; you’re sure to see some improvements to your communication with your partner (Tasker, n.d.).

You can find this exercise at this link , second exercise from the bottom.

5. I Feel (Blank)

The final exercise from Tasker is called “I Feel _____” and it’s a simple one.

We often have trouble sharing our feelings, even (or especially) with those we are closest to. A great way to work on communicating your feelings more often—and more effectively—is to practice saying “I feel (blank).”

The next time you are experiencing strong emotions or discussing a sensitive or difficult subject with your partner, try beginning your sentences with “I feel…” and continue from there. So, if you’re upset with your partner for forgetting about an important appointment or canceling plans at the last minute, instead of saying “You don’t respect my time,” try “I feel like you don’t respect my time.”

Framing your discussion in this manner—as a statement of your feelings rather than a personal attack or blaming session—is not only conducive to greater understanding, it also shows your partner that you care about having a constructive conversation and that your intentions are not to hurt them but to help them see from your perspective.

According to researchers Peterson and Green (2009), family communication is so important because:

“…it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another.”

The benefits of high-quality communication make spending time on improving the way family members relate to one another a task that is well worth the time spent on it. If you’re interested in working on your communication skills as a family, give the following activities and exercises a try.

These 14 activities are great tools to use in family therapy, but you can also try them at home.

4 Group Exercises for the Family

These four group exercises are a great introduction to communication skill-building as a family. They’re fun, engaging, and good for all ages!

1. What If?

The best time to work on communication skills is when families take the time to just sit and relax together. This simple game is a great way to do that, allowing families to improve how they communicate with one another while laughing together and putting their imagination to good use.

You will need strips of paper, a pencil or pen for each family member, and two bowls.

• Get two slips of paper and something to write with for each family member.
• On the first slip, have each family member write a question off the top of his or her head; it can be silly, serious, or anywhere in between. Put all the questions in one of the bowls and give them a good mix.
• On the second slip of paper, have each family member write an answer to the question they came up with. Place these slips in the second bowl and mix them up.
• Pass each bowl around the room and have each family member take one question slip and one answer slip.
• Have each family member read the question and the answer that they have in their hand. The questions and answers might fit well together or they may result in absurd combinations!
• Continue the game with two more slips of blank paper. It may take a few rounds for everyone to get the hang of the game, but family members will get more comfortable with the game and enjoy it more as they go along.

Use the following questions to guide your discussion as a family:

• Did the activity spark your imagination?
• Why did the questions and answers get funnier after several rounds?

2. Expressing Individuality

Although families usually share values, norms, and beliefs, that doesn’t mean all family members will see things the same way. It can be hard for some family members to communicate their thoughts and feelings when they feel like the odd one out or a “black sheep” in the family.

To make sure your family is a safe space for everyone to share their thoughts and feelings, give the “Expressing Individuality” activity a try. It will help each family member understand that they are a valuable part of the family and that they are always free to share their unique perspective.

You’ll need about an hour for this activity, 15 minutes to make the dough and 45 minutes for the activity itself. Use one of the recipes below to make your own play dough as a family.

If you want to make reusable play dough, mix together:

• 1 cup flour
• 1 cup water (add food coloring to water if you want colored clay)
• 1 teaspoon cream of tartar
• 1 tablespoon oil

After mixing these ingredients together, put over low heat and stir slowly. When the dough has formed into a small ball, remove it from the heat and knead while still warm. Store the clay in a sealed container.

If you plan on baking your designs at the end of this activity to preserve them, mix together:

• ½ cup water
• Food coloring (if desired—you can also paint the figures after you bake them)

Follow these instructions to encourage each family member to express their individuality:

• If you love Boy Scouts, you may want to mold the image of a person sitting on a log by a campfire.
• If you received an award as the “Employee of the Month,” you may want to mold the image of something that represents hard work, or dependability.
• If friendliness is a personal characteristic that you value, you may want to mold a face with a pleasant smile, or if you have a great love for animals, you may want to mold several of your favorite animals.
• After creating your unique design, you can preserve it by placing it on a cookie sheet and baking it in the oven on warm for several hours (until hard). This will harden the clay hard so that it maintains its shape. If you did not use food coloring to color the clay, or if you like to paint, you could paint the hardened figure. Once everyone has completed a mold, display these molds in the home.

To continue working on communicating your individuality as a family, ask these questions and discuss your answers together:

• Why did you choose to make what you did?
• What does it mean to you?

If the idea of creating a figure out of play dough doesn’t appeal to you, you can also try these two alternatives:

• You could draw pictures using plain white paper and colored pencils/crayons. Drawing may allow you to express more ideas than if you use clay. Make sure that you do not place an emphasis on artistic abilities. It is okay to draw simple stick figures that represent people or other objects.
• You could cut pictures out of old magazines and paste them on a poster board. After each person has completed a mold, picture, or collage, allow each family member to explain how their collage, picture or mold represents them.

3. Hints of Anger

Anger is a normal human emotion, and we will all get angry at some point. Instead of trying to avoid or deny anger, it’s vital that families learn how to manage their anger and communicate it to others in a healthy way. This activity will help family members identify their anger cues (the signs that indicate they are getting angry) and help them regulate their emotions to ensure they don’t say or do something they will regret.

Here’s how to do this activity as a family:

• Tell family members to think about a time when they were angry or upset, and consider how they felt.
• Were your hands relaxed or clenched in a fist?
• Was your heart rate normal or beating fast?
• Were your muscles relaxed or tight with tension?
• What kind of thoughts was going through your head?
• As a family, discuss any discrepancies between what you think about your anger cues and what other family members think.
• How did your body feel during this period of time?
• In which scenario did you feel more comfortable, angry, or happy?
• Discuss the importance of knowing when you are getting upset and might need to take a break and think.

After the activity, discuss these questions as a family:

• Why is it important to recognize the signs that you are angry?
• Why is it important to control your anger?
• What do you feel like specifically, when you are upset?
• What are the things you are going to do to manage your anger so it does not hurt your family relationships?
• Can recognizing anger cues help in managing your anger?

4. Family Meetings

Family meetings are a good idea for a lot of reasons, but yet another benefit of these get-togethers is the potential for building and developing better communication skills as a family. Regular family meetings can help family members learn how to:

• Make joint decisions
• Plan together
• Accept responsibility
• Show concern for others
• Spend some quality time together

Pick one night of the week when your family can consistently get together for a weekly family meeting that lasts 30 to 60 minutes, and make sure it’s scheduled on everyone’s calendar.

Here’s how to conduct good family meetings:

• Set a regular time. Setting a regular time and place gives the family council a position of importance and results in it becoming a permanent part of family operations. If everyone knows that the family is meeting together regularly, they find that most problems can wait a few days to be discussed. For this reason, some families like weekly meetings.
• Use an agenda. Post a paper during the week where family members can list concerns they want brought up (possibly, the message center). Discuss things in the order listed. This also reduces problems between meetings when parents can say, “List it on the agenda and we’ll discuss it at the meeting.”
• Attendance is voluntary . All members of the family are invited to attend — but attendance is voluntary. However, if a member is not present, he/she is still expected to abide by any decisions made by the family council.
• Each person has an equal voice . Everyone should be encouraged to contribute ideas and suggestions. All members must be treated the same, regardless of age. Using the steps of negotiation to (1) introduce the problem, (2) discuss solutions, and (3) vote on a solution. This gives everyone a chance to be involved. Councils do not always run smoothly. Teenagers are often suspicious that the new program is just another way for parents to gain compliance with their demands. In the first council meetings, rebelliousness may be exhibited to deliberately test whether parents are sincere about including them in family decision-making.
• Use rules of order . If participation is to be equal, then some type of order must be maintained. If a person has the right to express himself, then he also has the right to be heard — which implies that others have the obligation to listen. Rules of order help this situation.
• Rotate chairmanship . If the same person conducts all meetings, that person eventually begins to assume an air of superiority. To help maintain a feeling of equality, family members should take turns conducting the councils. This allows each person to experience the privileges and the responsibilities of this position.
• Accentuate solutions . Family council should not be “just a gripe session” — a time to get together and complain. In order to prevent this, you may decide that the person presenting a problem must also suggest one possible solution. Family members could then discuss alternate solutions or modify the one presented. In practice, some solutions do not work as well as anticipated. As family members begin to live with a decision, they may decide it needs to be changed. This change, however, must wait until the next regular meeting. Children soon recognize a need for better solutions and they learn by experience to make wiser choices. When family council is held regularly, each member learns to project ahead and anticipate problems. When this occurs, the emphasis at council meetings shifts from problem-solving to problem prevention and planning. Family council can also be a time to plan fun things like vacations or family outings. Families can talk about different places to visit and how they want to spend the time available.
• Decide on the authority level . The family council can be the final authority for the family, or a family can have a modified version of decision making. For it to be effective, however, most decisions made by the council need to be binding. If parents always overrule the council, children will soon lose interest.
• Keep a record . There sometimes develops a difference of opinions as to who conducted the last meeting, what matters were discussed, and what plans were agreed upon. For this reason, a secretary to record minutes is most helpful. The secretary can rotate with each meeting.

After your first family meeting, discuss these questions as a family:

• How did your first family meeting go?
• What about the meeting was good? What was bad?
• What do you want to incorporate in future meetings?

4 Active Listening Exercises

Active listening is a vital part of communication and can greatly improve relationships between family members. These four active listening exercises are a great way to boost your skills.

1. Precision Communication

Another activity that can help your family build and continue to develop good communication skills is called “Precision Communication.” It’s focused on active listening, which is a vital part of communication and conducive to better understanding and stronger, healthier relationships.

Here’s how to put this activity into practice:

• Set up a maze in your home using furniture, such as kitchen chairs or other pieces of furniture that can act as a barrier.
• Tie string or yarn between the furniture to create a clear path through the maze.
• Select a family member that will try to walk through the maze blindfolded. This person must not see the maze prior to being blindfolded.
• Have someone give voice instructions so the family member can be directed through the maze.

This activity’s aim is to see if the family member giving instructions can help the blindfolded family member get through the maze without bumping into the furniture, walls, or string. This means that not only must the speaking family member communicate clear and detailed instructions, but the blindfolded family member must also use their active listening skills to receive the instructions and implement them effectively.

Use these discussion questions to debrief and maximize this learning opportunity:

• Why was clear detailed communication necessary for this exercise?
• How important was it to listen carefully to the one giving instructions? Why?
• What were some of the difficulties associated with helping a family member complete this exercise?
• Using some of the ideas from this exercise, how can you, as a family, improve your communication skills?

If you want more from this activity, try this follow-up:

Draw a simple picture or pattern on a piece of paper. Without letting family members see the diagram, tell them what they need to do to make a copy of your picture that matches as closely as possible. After giving detailed instructions, see how accurately the pictures match up.

2. End of the Word—Beginning of the Next

This is a fun game on the Encourage Play website that can keep your kids actively engaged in building their listening skills.

Here’s how to play:

• One person (probably an adult) starts the game by giving out one word—it can be any word, it just needs to be one that every family member knows how to spell.
• The next family member must listen to the word the previous person said, then come up with a word that starts with the letter the last word ended with.

This is an easy game to play since you don’t need any materials, just a few minutes and the ability to hear one another! That makes it a great game for car rides, waiting in restaurants, or standing in a long line. To make it more challenging, give it a bit of complexity by limiting the words to a category, like animals or cities.

3. Red Light Green Light

Another exercise from the Encourage Play website is a familiar one. It’s based on the classic “Red Light, Green Light” game in which the leader gives instructions by color: saying “red light” means stop and saying “green light” means go.

To make the game a bit more challenging and really emphasize the importance of active listening, incorporate these three variations to the game:

• Different colors refer to different types of movement; for example, yellow light could mean skipping, purple light could mean crab walking, and blue light could mean hopping.
• Pretend to be a different animal for different colors (yellow = lion, green = bunny, purple = frog, etc.).
• Use words that rhyme with red or green to see if the players catch the difference (e.g., “Bread Light! Teen Light!”).

4. Tell a Group Story

Group stories are a great way to practice active listening with the whole family. It also gives kids a chance to be creative and silly, which helps to keep them engaged in the activity.

• The first person (probably an adult) starts a story with just one sentence (e.g., “Once upon a time, there was a very curious brown bunny”).
• The next person adds onto the story with just one sentence as well (e.g., “This bunny lived with her mother and father in a cozy little burrow under a willow tree”).
• The story continues until everyone has contributed at least a couple of sentences to the story.

This activity boosts active listening skills because it requires careful and attentive listening to what has already been said in order to make a good contribution to the story.

3 Assertive Communication Exercises

One of the best skills to teach your kids is how to be assertive instead of aggressive or passive (or passive-aggressive). Use these three assertive communication activities to help them learn this important skill.

1. Assertive Communication Worksheet

This worksheet is a great way to help older kids understand the difference between types of communication and to learn how to communicate assertively.

The worksheet first provides a good working definition of assertive communication:

“A communication style in which a person stands up for their own needs and wants, while also taking into consideration the needs and wants of others, without behaving passively or aggressively.”

It also outlines the traits of people who are assertive communicators, including:

• Clearly state needs and wants
• Eye contact
• Listens to others without interruption
• Appropriate speaking volume
• Steady tone of voice
• Confident body language

Next, it shares four tips on communicating assertively:

• Respect yourself—your wants and needs are as important as everyone else’s.
• Express your thought and feelings calmly rather than using the silent treatment or yelling and threatening.
• Plan out what you’re going to say before you say it.
• Say “no” when you need to, say it clearly, and do it without lying.

After some examples of assertive communication, we get to the active part of the worksheet. It’s geared toward adults, but the scenarios can be tweaked to fit kids as well.

There are four situations presented and space to write out your own assertive response to each. These situations are:

• Your partner says, “ I know you have plans for the weekend, but I really need you to watch the kids. I have a friend coming to town, and we made plans .”
• Situation: You’ve just received your food at a restaurant, and it was prepared incorrectly. Your sandwich seems to have extra mayo, instead of no mayo.
• Your friend says, “ Hey, can I borrow some money? I want to buy these shoes, but I left my wallet at home. I’ll pay you back soon, I swear. It won’t be like last time .”
• Situation: Your neighbor is adding an expansion to their house, and the crew starts working, very loudly, at 5 am. It has woken you up every day for a week.

Working through these scenarios as a family can help your kids see what healthy assertive communication looks like and show them that it’s okay to say “no” sometimes.

2. The Aggressive Alligator

The Aggressive Alligator is a great tool from Kristina Marcelli-Sargent, for teaching assertiveness over-aggressiveness or passiveness. It makes what can be a dry and boring subject more interesting and engaging.

Start by giving simple definitions to the terms “passive,” “aggressive,” and “assertive.” Next, show them a list of animals or a bin of small stuffed animals and allow them to choose an animal that they feel represents each definition. The aggressive animal doesn’t need to be an alligator, it can be anything that makes sense to your children.

After your kids have chosen an animal for each term, describe some social situations and instruct your kids to act them out with their animals. Each animal should act according to the definition it represents (e.g., the aggressive alligator should act aggressively, the passive panda should act passively, and the assertive anteater should act assertively).

Once all scenarios have been acted out, talk to your kids about how the outcomes differed between the three animals. Point out which one(s) resulted in a positive outcome and which one(s) should probably be avoided. In the future, you can refer back to the assertive anteater to remind your kids to be assertive instead of passive or aggressive (Sargent, 2015).

3. Keeping Cool

A great lesson for kids to learn is that assertive communication is about being firm and direct without being angry or upset. This activity will help you teach healthy assertiveness to your kids or students.

Here’s how to go about it:

• First, ask your kids how people might feel when they are bullied. If they have trouble coming up with answers, talk about how people might feel angry, scared, sad, upset, embarrassed, or confused.
• Next, ask your kids what kinds of things people want to do when they feel this way. If they can’t think of things people might do when they feel upset, angry, or sad, mention that they might yell, throw something, hit something, hide, cry, or do something else to make another person feel as bad as they feel.
• Ask your kids if they think these are good or helpful things to do. Explain how everyone has strong, negative feelings like this sometimes, and that it’s okay to feel them. These feelings have a purpose; they tell us that something is wrong or that something needs to be fixed, but they can also encourage us to do the wrong thing unless we learn how to keep a cool head.
• Close your eyes and take several slow deep breaths
• Count to ten
• Relax the muscles in your face and body
• Talk silently to yourself and repeat a soothing phrase, such as “Keep calm” or “I control my feelings”
• Get a drink of water
• Go sit by a person you trust

Discuss these options with the whole group and decide together on what the best techniques are, then practice using them together.

Click here to read about this exercise from the Education Development Center’s Bullying Prevention program.

3 Nonverbal Communication Exercises

Finally, although verbal communication is generally the focus of skill-building exercises and activities, nonverbal communication is also a vital skill to develop.

Use these 3 exercises to help your kids build their nonverbal skills.

1. Understanding Non-Verbal Communication

Things like tone of voice, facial expressions, body posture, and hand gestures are all non-verbal, but they are hugely important in our communication with others. If we say one thing with our words and another with our face or body, we can end up giving mixed messages and confusing others.

To make sure we are saying what we want to say with our words and our face, body, and tone, help your kids learn how to understand and “speak” non-verbal communications.

Here’s s description of this activity:

“As a family, make a list of different non-verbal actions. For example, folding your arms, snorting, frowning, etc… Select a TV program or a segment of a video. Watch about 5 to 7 minutes of the program with the volume off. While watching the program without volume, identify the different non-verbal messages, especially the feelings that are expressed. After 5 to 7 minutes, turn off the TV and discuss what you observed. You could even carry on the discussion as the program continues.”

To get the discussion started, use questions like:

• What were the non-verbal messages that you observed?
• How important do you think the non-verbal messages are in helping you to enjoy the movie and understand what was going on in the movie?
• Did you observe any confusing non-verbal messages?
• What feelings were expressed through non-verbal communication?
• What were some of the difficulties of this activity?
• What can you do to be more aware of non-verbal messages?
• Did everyone think the non-verbal message meant the same thing?
• Are non-verbal messages always obvious in real life?

If you want more from this exercise, try this follow-up activity. Seat two family members away from each other and have them carry on a conversation about giving directions to somewhere or explaining how to do something. As they talk, they should focus on trying to understand the other person’s feelings.

After doing this for a few minutes, the two should turn around, face each other, and continue the discussion—they will likely find it much easier!

Use the following questions to guide your discussion after the follow-up:

• When you had your backs to each other, did a lack of non-verbal communication affect your ability to communicate with the other person? If so, how?
• What feelings did you experience as you communicated with your back to the other person?
• When you spoke to the other person face-to-face, did this improve your ability to communicate and understand the other person’s feelings? If so, how?
• Did face-to-face communication improve your ability to understand the other person’s feelings?
• How can you increase your awareness of non-verbal messages you do not mean to be sending?
• How can you be aware of how we may misinterpret someone else’s non-verbal messages?”

2. Charades

Charades is a popular game with kids since it’s fun, easy to play, and can result in some seriously silly situations.

Here’s what you need to do:

• Animals: Monkey, dog, cat, rabbit, kangaroo, snake
• Activities: brushing teeth, playing cards, shining a flashlight, fishing, playing frisbee
• Emotions: scared, sad, bored, angry, happy, wary, proud

Acting out these prompts will give kids an opportunity to practice communicating non-verbally, a skill that they can easily build over time (Simmons, n.d.).

This nonverbal communication activity  is available from Sue Simmons at Equinox Family Consulting.

3. Silent Snack

Finally, another activity from Sue Simmons is called “ Silent Snack ” and it gives young children a chance to have fun while building their nonverbal communication skills.

Follow these instructions to give it a try:

• Put out a few different snacks in individual bowls.
• Tell everyone it’s “Silent Snack Time,” meaning there’s no talking allowed!
• Offer each person a taste of each snack.
• Each player should take turns sharing their opinion on each snack. They can use indicators like thumbs up and thumbs down or facial expressions to communicate their opinions.

It’s a simple activity, but an effective one! Give it a try at your next snack time.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

I hope you leave this piece with a treasure trove of new resources you can use to improve your own life or the lives of your clients.

Communication skills are one of the most important skills a person can have, making it well worth your while to devote some time and energy to develop them.

What are your favorite ways to work on communicating with your spouse? Do you schedule a time to talk about how your relationship is doing or do you just let it flow naturally? What do you think are the best ways to build, enhance, and maintain your communication skills? Let us know in the comments section.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

• Abass, S. (n.d.). 3 benefits of effective communication in a relationship. Lifehack. Retrieved from https://www.lifehack.org/509189/3-benefits-effective-communication-relationship
• https://defeatingdivorce.com/communication-exercises-for-couples/
• Fleming, G. (2018). 4 helpful nonverbal communication activities. ThoughtCo. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/nonverbal-communication-activities-1857230
• Heitler, S. (2010). What does communication have to do with a good relationship? GoodTherapy. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/what-does-communication-have-to-do-with-good-relationship
• Lee, T. R., & Pyfer, T. (n.d.). Helping youth succeed: Strengthening family ties: A workbook of activities designed to strengthen family relationships . Utah State University Extension. Retrieved from https://www.families-first.net/uploads/userfiles/files/FL_Youth_02.pdf
• Mendler, A. (2013). Teaching your students how to have a conversation. Edutopia. Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/blog/teaching-your-students-conversation-allen-mendler
• Norman, B. (2018). Trainers’ tips: Active listening exercises. Training Zone . Retrieved from https://www.trainingzone.co.uk/develop/cpd/trainers-tips-active-listening-exercises
• Peterson, R., & Green, S. (2009). Helping Youth Succeed: Keys to successful family functioning: Communication . Virginia Cooperative Extension. Retrieved from https://www.pubs.ext.vt.edu/content/dam/pubs_ext_vt_edu/350/350-092/350-092_pdf.pdf
• Reichmann, D. (n.d.). 5 communication games guaranteed to bring you closer. Engaged Marriage . Retrieved from https://www.engagedmarriage.com/5-communication-games/
• Rosenberg, M. B. (1999). Nonviolent communication: A language of compassion. Del Mar.
• Sargent, K. M. (2015). The aggressive alligator: Fun ways to teach assertiveness to children. Art of Social Work . Retrieved from https://kristinamarcelli.wordpress.com/2015/10/21/the-aggressive-alligator-fun-ways-to-teach-assertiveness-to-children/
• Simmons, S. (n.d.). Nonverbal games: 10 simple activities . Equinox Family Consulting, Ltd. Retrieved from https://equinoxfamilyconsulting.com/communication/nonverbal-games-10-simple-activities/
• Stanfield, J. (2017). 8 tips to teach effective communication skills. James Stanfield. Retrieved from https://stanfield.com/blog/2017/11/8-tips-teach-effective-communication-skills/
• Sott, A. (2018). Teaching communication skills. Edutopia. Retrieved from https://www.edutopia.org/article/teaching-communication-skills
• Tasker, R. (n.d.). 6 amazing couples therapy exercises for improving communication . GuideDoc . Retrieved from https://guidedoc.com/couples-therapy-exercises-for-improving-communication
• Victoria Department of Health & Human Services. (n.d.). Relationships and communications . Better Health Channel. Retrieved from https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication

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Selected Assignments for Interpersonal Communications

Related Papers

Benard mayogi

Mark Costanzo

Julia Lesage

The studv of verbal and nonverbal communication has assumed a prominent role in psychology during the past 20 years Researchers are also investigating the process of interpretation-how we use nonverbal cues to form impressions and conclusions about others. Correct interpretation is a remarkable feat because. in anv interaction. hundreds or thousands of verbal and nonverbal cues stream by us, vanishing in milliseconds. How do we discard most of these cues, seizing the few (e.g., a momentary facial expression, a vocal inflection) that tell us what another person means or is feeling? The process of interpretationis one of the most impressive and least understood of human abilities. Research attests to the importance of subtle expressive behaviors in how we communicate with others and in how we interpret their behavior. However, teaching about verbal and nonverbal behavior is a difficult challenge because the subtlety and complexity of verbal and nonverbal behavior are difficult to conv...

Sandra HX Mhlabi

IOLC Conference

Non-verbal communication is the study of communication without words. Our actions are the means of communication, subject to interpretation by others. Even the failure to act is a way of communicating. Today when we interact with others, we continuously give and receive wordless signals. All of our nonverbal behaviors—the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk, how close we stand, how much eye contact we make—send strong messages. These messages don't stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you're silent, you're still communicating nonverbally. Facial expressions, body movements, eye contact, vocal qualities all help us to communicate without words. These silent messages communicate our feelings during any form of interpersonal communication that we have with our friends, teachers, seniors, subordinates or colleagues. The present paper deals with what is non-verbal communication, its various forms and types, how to interpret them, and also some tips of how to enhance these non-verbal communication.

Cecilia L . Calub

The real value of nonverbal communication lies in the insight it can give to your own behavior. It is impossible to discuss oral communication without taking nonverbal communication into account because “only up to one-third of a message in a person-to-person situation is conveyed by words alone (Beisler F, Scheeres H, & Pinner D. 1990, p. 38). Even silence and absence can be considered as nonverbal messages. This paper discusses and describes the different categories of nonverbal communication or messages(e.g., oculesics, paralanguage, proxemics, haptics, chronemics, head movements and postures, gestures, personal presentation, environment, artifacts, olfactics, silence, absence, color) as interpreted in other cultures and communities which most students have not studied in depth.

Anggi Purnama

Journal of Nonverbal Behavior

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Project Assignment #1

Personal Assessment of Interpersonal Communication

Possible Points:             100

Due Date:                      Thursday April 21 st

Criteria:                         This assignment must be typed using proper grammar and correct spelling.   The entire assignment should be at least 2 pages, but less that 4 pages in length.

Step One:        Identify An Exemplary Person

Identify an influential person in your life (influential in terms of interpersonal communication.)

In paragraph form, describe what qualities of communication you admire in that person. (i.e. listening, paraphrasing, eye contact, positive self image, etc.)   Be specific.   Use examples to illustrate your points.   Describe what communication qualities you have gained or desire to gain from that person.   Be specific.

Step Two:        Evaluate How Competent You Are With Others

Determine the roles that you currently hold in life (i.e. son, student, brother, boyfriend, etc.)   Evaluate at least 4 roles.   As best as you can, project how competent (effective as well as appropriate) others perceive your communication.   Next, project yourself forward in time and write a statement about how you would like to be perceived in that role.   Record this information on a chart to turn in.

            Roles                 How I Am Perceived                 How I Would Like to Be Perceived

Step Three:     Identify Possible Areas of Growth

Based on what you stated in Step 2, list in paragraph form, the areas (at least 3) of interpersonal communication you believe you can improve on.   These are areas that you believe directly affect your communication competence.   i.e. listening, nonverbal communication, judgment of others, ineffective approach to conflict, self-monitoring behaviors, interrupting, etc.)