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Mathematics Personal Statement Examples

Hopefully, these examples of Mathematics Personal Statements will help you create a unique statement for your UCAS application .

I have always been fascinated by the world of mathematics and its ability to explain and understand complex phenomena in the world around us. From a young age, I have been drawn to the beauty and elegance of mathematical concepts and their ability to provide answers to some of the most challenging questions we face.

At school, I have excelled in mathematics, consistently achieving top grades in my exams and regularly participating in extra-curricular math competitions. I have particularly enjoyed studying topics such as calculus, algebra, and geometry, and I have found that my natural aptitude for problem-solving has allowed me to excel in these areas.

In addition to my passion for mathematics, I have also developed a strong interest in computer science. I have taught myself several programming languages and have enjoyed using these skills to create my computer programmes and simulations. I believe that the combination of my mathematical knowledge and computer programming skills would make me an ideal candidate for a degree in mathematical sciences.

As a university student, I am eager to continue exploring the fascinating world of mathematics and to push myself to the limits of my abilities. I am confident that a degree in mathematical sciences would provide me with the knowledge and skills necessary to pursue a successful career in this exciting and rewarding field.

I am applying to your university because I believe that it offers an outstanding programme in mathematical sciences, with a strong emphasis on both theoretical and practical applications. I am particularly impressed by the diverse range of research opportunities available, and I am eager to participate in cutting-edge research projects that will challenge and inspire me.

As a student with a passion for mathematics, I am excited at the prospect of studying at such a prestigious institution and I am confident that your programme would provide me with the knowledge and skills necessary to pursue a successful career in this field.

At school, I have consistently achieved top grades in my mathematics exams, and I have regularly participated in extra-curricular math competitions. I have a particular interest in topics such as calculus, algebra, and geometry, and I have found that my natural aptitude for problem-solving has allowed me to excel in these areas.

In addition to my passion for mathematics, I have also developed an interest in computer science. I have taught myself several programming languages and have enjoyed using these skills to create my computer programmes and simulations. I believe that the combination of my mathematical knowledge and computer programming skills would make me an ideal candidate for your degree programme.

As a university student, I am eager to continue exploring the fascinating world of mathematics and to push myself to the limits of my abilities. I am confident that a degree from the University of Cambridge would provide me with the knowledge and skills necessary to pursue a successful career in this exciting and rewarding field.

I am particularly impressed by the wide range of research opportunities available at your university, and I am eager to participate in cutting-edge research projects that will challenge and inspire me. I am also excited by the opportunity to study at such a historic and prestigious institution, and I believe that the intellectual environment at Cambridge would be the perfect place for me to grow and develop as a student.

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Showing your mathematical motivations

'Maths is like Marmite: you either like it or you don’t': an opening line from one student's maths personal statement, which, while not really revealing anything concrete about that applicant's motivation, does help to illustrate how tricky it can be explaining what exactly you enjoy about the subject.

With a subject like maths at university, motivation is 90% of the battle – so anything that demonstrates your motivation and enthusiasm for the subject will go down well. Here are a few tips from admissions tutors to help with your maths personal statement:

'We love to see anything that shows the depth or breadth of your interest in maths, and especially your interests in the subject beyond the A level (or equivalent) syllabus – like any maths books you’ve read, maths clubs you’re part of, or especially any maths challenges you’ve been involved in'.
The University of Bristol looks for applicants who can show participation and success in mathematical competitions: 'there are many of these competitions, whether local, national, or international, and the more recent your participation and the greater the success you attained, the more weight it carries.'
'We like to see a bit of spark and originality. For example, what first inspired your interest in maths, or better still, what currently inspires it?'
'Give us a sense of which aspects of maths you especially like and why. Is it algebra, calculus, statistics, or something else?'

How polished your statement needs to be will vary from uni to uni because it’s your mathematical ability and potential that matters most – but as the London School of Economics’ says, 'an original and interesting personal statement which outlines your enthusiasm and motivation is expected.'

What else to include in your maths personal statement

Your extra-curricular activities: tutors want to know about your sporting, cultural, or community involvement, or anything else you do outside your studies that demonstrates drive, commitment, enthusiasm, and your potential to excel.
What you'll contribute: uni isn’t just about studying – universities are also communities, and it's great if you can show how you'll contribute to university life.
Your personality: try to give tutors a sense of your personality through talking about any outside interests that offer an insight into who you are. Bristol is looking for students who 'stand out from the crowd' and are upbeat in their statements.

Try not to be too quirky, but do get your personality across if you can. And most of all, explain why you love maths.

Writing a mathematics personal statement: expert advice from universities

Ace your maths personal statement with these tailored tips from university admissions teams

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Undergraduate Personal Statement Example: Mathematics

By taking the time to study personal statement examples , you can learn how to write and structure your own application. Basically, you can pick up some great tips on how to write a personal statement by examining others.

And, of course, examples of personal statements can be valuable when applying to a university or college course.

But with so many university personal statement examples available, how do you know if you’re reading a good one?

Undergraduate personal statements should highlight relevant academic and practical experience, academic skills, ambitions and suitability for the degree field. This undergraduate personal statement example for Mathematics clearly illustrates these three critical elements.

Undergraduate degree personal statement examples are sometimes referred to as personal mission statements or statements of purpose , so if you’re tasked with writing a personal mission statement, the following example will work for you.

I’ve broken down this personal statement example section by section, with a commentary on each element.

That way, you’ll see its strengths and weaknesses and get some inspiration for your own personal statement .

Once you’ve read the personal statement example and analysis, you’ll be able to download a pdf of the whole document, to use as inspiration for your own!

Personal Statement Example: Introduction

“Whilst an inspiring and encouraging teacher nurtured my formal interest in maths, my dad ignited my love of finding the logic in patterns and puzzles. I’m someone who enjoys solving problems and has always been interested in how different networks and systems operate, inspiring my interest and engagement in logistics. Participating in workshops with the Office for National Statistics gave me a clear insight into the techniques required to analyse trends in data and illustrated a range of potential career opportunities. I am motivated to study Mathematics as I consider it vital to the development of numerous critical industries and for solving global problems such as rising fuel costs and staff shortages. By completing a Maths degree, I aim to gain extensive knowledge and skills that will prepare me to meet a range of professional challenges.”

My Commentary and Analysis

This undergraduate personal statement example for Mathematics begins in a traditional but effective way. The writer has referenced an inspiring person that acted as an early mentor or introduced them to the subject they are now applying to study at university.

This personal connection works very effectively, especially as it really just takes the first sentence to hook the reader. This tactic is a useful one, but do make sure you limit any references to people other than yourself, or you may begin to inadvertently write a personal statement about someone that isn’t you!

The writer goes on to talk about logistics, which is clearly a discipline they are keen to pursue within mathematics, and from there, connect their interest to tangible experiences that show engagement with the subject outside of the classroom. This is an excellent strategy, as it shows motivation, a depth of knowledge and a strong array of applicable, transferable skills.

The writer finishes the introduction by outlining their professional ambitions, although in a very general way. This isn’t a tremendous problem at the undergraduate level, but it would have been valuable to have had a little more clarity. What exactly does this candidate know about the various fields they might enter? Do they understand exactly how a degree will help them achieve their goals? These things are implied but not explicit.

If you’re struggling with your personal statement introduction, check out my article on how to write perfect opening paragraphs here .

Personal Statement Example: Section 2

“My Grade 8 in Mathematics has provided an excellent foundation for further study, and the data analysis knowledge I acquired has deepened my potential for managing quantitative and qualitative data research. In GCSE Computer Science I gained a good knowledge of the coding program Python, which will be important in this degree. I have excellent independent learning and collaborative skills, maintain high academic standards and always put in maximum effort. I continuously learn and recap critical curriculum concepts and am diligent with my homework and revision, which is a valuable undergraduate skill. My Business A-level course requires me to analyse data from tables, evaluate financial situations and discuss appropriate actions and strategies to improve profitability and stability. In Geography, I value the opportunity to analyse trends and patterns from maps and images. As part of my academic research, I am carrying out an NEA project requiring me to collect and analyse data. I look forward to developing my understanding of these skills and applying complex formulae to generate a specific outcome across various contexts.”

My Commentary and Analysis

The writer refers to related academic qualifications and courses in this next section, but more than this, they focus on the value of the experience and knowledge gained in relation to the subject they intend to study. This is the key to every good personal statement example: the relevant value gained from an experience is more effective than simply describing the experience itself.

They then focus on some higher-level coding and data analysis skills which are exceptionally relevant to their application and impressive at this level. They make the link with valuable transferable skills as well: evidence that they will flourish in higher education.

The writer manages to weave in examples of academic research, real-world awareness and collaborative skills, all of which are relevant and exactly the content an admissions tutor expects to see. More than this, the writing style is concise and detailed and continually works to establish credibility and validity in the mind of the reader.

A very capable section that reflects the maturity and broader knowledge of the candidate.

If you’d like to learn more about how to structure your personal statement or statement of purpose , check out my awesome Personal Statement Template eBook here . It’s full of detailed examples of what to include!

Personal Statement Example: Section 3

“Completing work experience at Marshall Logistics, I learnt about freight industry operations and developed my collaborative and listening skills. This included evaluating factors behind customer acquisition, vehicle choice concerning the transport of materials and contemporary issues affecting the business, such as rising fuel costs. I also familiarised myself with numerous operating systems including delivery tracking and efficient import/export analysis, dealt with invoices and solved logistical problems. Learning to work accurately at a fast pace, managing a large volume of work and dealing with the stress of unfamiliar and challenging environments are skills that I have developed as a result.”

Having undertaken work experience is an increasingly important aspect of university preparation, and one which is becoming widespread for a range of courses. Once the preserve of medicine and practical subjects, admissions teams now frequently expect to see evidence that applicants have gone ‘out there’ and seen how their proposed subject can be applied in the real world.

The writer has made this quite a descriptive passage, almost a list of the duties they undertook, but this is then put into context when they explain the value of what they learned.

There isn’t any real suggestion of how these skills or experiences might be of value on the degree course they are applying for, but the examples tie in with the earlier mention of logistics, so the reader can certainly see a relevant theme emerging, which is likely to reassure them of this candidate’s potential for success.

Check out lots more examples of personal statements here , and see how they can inspire your application!

Personal Statement Example: Section 4

“I work well independently, taking responsibility for my organisation, timekeeping and learning. This has been evident in my piano lessons, where I had particularly challenging pieces of music to learn for my Grade 6 exam. When practising, I prioritised work on challenging sections to improve the quality and command of my interpretation. I also had to show great resilience at secondary school in the years after my dad passed away. I maintained an excellent attitude to learning and a high standard of work despite going through a difficult time. During lockdown, I completed my work to a high standard and my teachers praised my commitment. Applying these skills during my degree will be critical because modules such as Vector Calculus are likely to be challenging.”

My Commentary and Analysis:

A slightly weaker paragraph. The co-curricular activities mentioned do add to the overall picture of the candidate, but the transferable skills mentioned are quite general and a bit of a stretch in terms of application.

This makes the reader think that either this person doesn’t have a developed level of social skills and may lack the maturity needed for higher education or that they are filling the word count with extra elements because they don’t have enough content to add which relates directly to their proposed major.

The writer then makes a connection with a generic course topic (it is not advisable to refer to specific topics in the UK undergraduate admissions system), which shows awareness of the kinds of course elements they are likely to encounter and reassures the reader that they have an understanding of the courses they are applying for.

The one thing that all successful personal statements have in common is that they are concise, engaging and accurate in spelling, punctuation and grammar. Consequently, I always recommend Grammarly to my students and clients.

It’s an outstanding tool for ensuring your personal statement is rich with detail whilst hitting those all-important word limits. Check out the free version of Grammarly here , or hit the banner for more information.

Personal Statement Example: Conclusion

“After graduating, my extensive knowledge of maths will enable me to succeed in a job requiring a high percentage of problem-solving, potentially in the finance industry. My motivated and informed approach gives me a clear understanding of the steps I need to take to achieve this goal. Undertaking a Maths with Finance degree will enable me to support people and businesses by finding solutions to their problems, and I am confident that my diligent and supportive approach will make me a valuable addition to your university.”

The writer identifies the skills and qualities that they aim to possess as a result of studying this subject and connects that with what potential employers are looking for. This shows that they have an understanding of the course and its potential outcomes, which, again, admissions readers expect to see.

The rest of the section is more general, less specific, and recaps information and ideas mentioned previously. This makes it less effective, and it would be far better to introduce new material here which strengthens the application. Perhaps a reference to research and reading or a clearer description of the kinds of companies or industries the writer might be keen to explore.

Equally, the writer could have made more detailed reference to exactly what they hope to contribute to the university environment, as this is only referenced in general terms. By outlining the value they hope to offer, a candidate can often evidence their suitability more convincingly.

In summary, this is a strong undergraduate personal statement example, which would be improved with some greater reference to academic mathematics skills and experiences.

For more great advice, check out my article on writing an excellent final personal statement paragraph here .

Click here or on the banner below to get your free download of this complete personal statement example .

Whether you’re looking for personal mission statement examples or an example of personal purpose statement, I hope this personal statement example has been helpful. Above all, I wish you every success in your academic career.

If you’d like to work with me to develop your personal statement 1:1 and write a powerful mission statement, I’d be delighted to hear from you.

Find out about my personal statement support services by clicking here or on the image below.

Research and content verified by Personal Statement Planet .

David Hallen

I've worked in the Further Education and University Admissions sector for nearly 20 years as a teacher, department head, Head of Sixth Form, UCAS Admissions Advisor, UK Centre Lead and freelance personal statement advisor, editor and writer. And now I'm here for you...

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Mathematics personal statements

Mathematics with statistics degree personal statement example (1a)

This is a real personal statement written by a student for their university application. It might help you decide what to include in your own. There are lots more examples in our .

Mathematics and Statistics have interested me all my life and the latter in particular is a large part of my life and my way of thinking. I think mathematics is a most interesting subject. It is amazing that a series of simple numeric characters represent most of the problems in the world. I fell in love with mathematics when I was a young pupil, I selected the right formula and did some simple computational processes and I arrived at the correct answer. I have chosen to study mathematics and statistics at university because I am really addicted to it. I can use mathematics to solve a variety of difficult problems by dividing the problem into smaller parts, then solving each part one by one using logical processes, to achieve the final solution. I think this mode of mathematical thinking is very useful in real life as well, because it can be used to simplify challenging problems.

Statistics as a subject is needed in order to analyse, organise and research data. We can use statistics to work out and analyse if a proposal is going to be successful or not. Statistics is another reason why I am so interested in mathematics. If pure math is abstract, statistics is much closer to our life. We use data to enable an analysis of different views which is likely to lead to an informed decision. Thus important decisions can be made from statistical research. For example a doctor may consider using a new drug instead of an older one, having set up null and alternative hypotheses and testing a sample statistic doctors can make an informed choice based on statistical analysis. If I use statistics, to arrive at a decision it is achieved in a more logical way. I like to explore football statistics and analyse the different player’s performance. For example, what percentage of shots on target does Rooney manage each match?

When I have free time, I like to research the formulae in my school syllabus and explore the historical roots of how someone came up with these. For example, the ‘Stirling formula’, in which Stirling discovered how to work out the natural logarithm of a huge factorial number.

During my work experience for a charity organisation last summer, I had to develop my communication skills when collecting money from people on the street. In addition I was asked to visit the elderly and housebound in their homes, particularly in a situation, when there were few members of their own family. I am able to maintain a good work-life balance by regularly playing sport; football and badminton. The social and physical challenges have helped me to improve my communication skills.

I also enjoy the team aspects of sport, while keeping fit. I am a keen member of a table tennis club and played in the Suffolk tournaments. This experience enables me to meet many professional players, which gives me a breadth of insight into life outside school. Life at school offers me many opportunities which I am able to take up, such as being a member of the Maths Challenge competition. This requires fast mental skills for working out the different questions. It trains my brain and I can put into practice some aspects of A Level Statistics. In addition, I was chosen to be a boarding prefect this year. I am required to share the pastoral responsibility for the male boarders, alongside staff members. This involves me in meeting numerous boarders, who regularly share concerns and joyful events in their lives. Through this experience I have grown more tolerant of people and different cultures.

I hope to use the statistical knowledge for my future as a statistics researcher, where I may work in a survey company which collects data and interprets it. By analysing the mixed data I would enable the company to improve its profit. My aim would be to make the data more organised and reach a satisfactory conclusion. I am really looking forward to university life and to contributing and participating in many aspects of life there, in addition to developing my knowledge and engaging in lively discussions.

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Personal statement example mathematics (msci) personal statement.

Submitted by Milo

Considering a degree in Computing? Choose Roehampton

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Mathematics (MSci) Personal Statement

In my mathematical career to date, I have always pushed myself and thrive on new challenges. As such, I took the FSMQ additional maths in year 11 and am teaching myself AS further additional and the AEA in my year out. Working independently, I find I am always eager to learn more. This is the key reason I look to study maths at university, not because it's what I'm best at, but because I genuinely love doing it.

A level study expanded my mathematical horizons from matrix algebra and complex numbers to hypothesis testing and probability distributions. So far, proof by induction is the topic which absorbed me most. The concept that something can be 'proven' true for all cases is especially engaging and powerful; I can't wait to improve my skills in this field. In my spare time, I have begun working on STEP papers. Studying more advanced topics and being able to answer deeper questions is very rewarding.

A maths degree will always deliver this kind of challenge which is an exciting prospect for me. Studying chemistry fed my love for problem-solving. Topics like spectroscopy and synthesis built on the skill set gained in maths; gathering information and using it to find the solution to a problem. My favourite were problems requiring analysis of multiple graphs and spectrograms to be collated to achieve the final answer. The influence maths had on my thinking and, ultimately my ability to problem solve, was an important factor in my gaining a silver in the Chemistry Olympiad. Maths gave me the confidence to think logically and analytically and enabled me to persevere with difficult problems, knowing a solution would come. As a mathematician, this helped me take a step back from complex problems and approach them using potentially riskier, less obvious strategies.

Studying biology also allowed me to appreciate the importance of maths in making sense of data and thus allowing progress in research. Biomedical research is responsible for improving and saving lives through medical and public health interventions, many of which could not have been developed without the framework of understanding provided by mathematicians. Health economics research, clinical trials and epidemiology rely heavily on maths to provide reliable evidence to guide clinicians and policymakers. My natural curiosity led me to seek out many extracurricular events, including a problem-solving day where I was introduced to modular arithmetic and its applications in cryptography. Working in groups, we were required to present our findings to the wider audience, a presentation in which I took the lead. Explaining unfamiliar maths to strangers was very gratifying and I relished the way people's questions deepened my understanding.

Attending an Oxford conference on personalised medicine and the Earth Optimism Day in Cambridge showed me how central maths is to many disciplines. From statistical testing of evidence to mathematical modelling of climate change and population epidemiology; maths is everywhere. This convinced me further that it was the right degree for me. I have developed excellent interpersonal skills through volunteering in schools in the UK, India, and southern Germany, overcoming language barriers to communicate effectively.

I am currently a mentor to A2 further maths students and was mentor to AS students last year; teaching is entirely different to learning and has deepened my understanding. Being part of my local swimming club for over a decade taught me the value of commitment and teamwork, as has over 2 years working in cafes and as PA to a senior academic. For the first time (having earned enough!), I have an opportunity to travel independently and will visit China, Japan and Vietnam in 2018. Oriental cultures have always fascinated me: how ancient traditions coexist in such technologically advanced societies. Experiencing such different ways of life will undoubtedly prepare me better to embrace everything university life has to offer.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

Essay 1: Summer Program
Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
Essay 3: Why Medicine
Essay 4: Love of Writing
Essay 5: Starting a Fire
Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
Essay 9: Eritrea
Essay 10: Journaling
Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally.

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read.

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.” They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great.

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day?

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture.

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality.

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration.

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars.

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”. They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in.

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite.

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents.

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate, perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells. Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is. No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted dunes. No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother, her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes). It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time. You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells. I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero . I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic. “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.” Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential. Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader.

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay.

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Mathematics

Author: solene vidal, applied in: winter 2019, university offers: ucl, warwick, imperial college.

Mathematics has become a true passion for me over the years, generating increasing excitement as I experience its deepening complexity and gain insight into its endless possibilities that explain the workings of the universe. I am fascinated at its underpinning of developments in Artificial Intelligence and machine learning, allowing the human world champion of Go – a game supposedly too complex for machines - to be beaten for the first time by the computer AlphaGo. Conversational artificial intelligence similarly probes new boundaries, with chatbots such as Siri and Alexa mirroring human communication strategies and answering more challenging queries everyday.

Thriving on academic challenge, I pursue a science-based Baccalauréat with Further Maths, consistently gaining highest class ranking. I enjoy the demands of complex problems that require logic for their solution, seeing it as a form of game. This lies behind my choice of Russian as an option, a language I have studied for seven years. Although considered difficult, I am attracted by its logical grammatical structures which greatly facilitate my learning and enable me to excel. Mathematics has similarly helped develop my critical thinking, teaching me that there may be many different approaches to solving a given problem. Calculating the digits of Pi (an irrational number), for example, triggered my curiosity because there are various algorithms providing a way in. The real challenge, as described by Bellos in “Alex’s Adventure in Numberland”, is to be sufficiently creative to find a new method that converges faster than previous ones.

I enjoy reading extensively about my interests. A favourite piece is “Closing the Gap” by Vicky Neale, highlighting the complex world of prime numbers - which have always surprised me by their numerous and unexpected applications in fields such as cryptography. I was particularly struck by the joint effort made by mathematicians to find the least gap separating consecutive primes attained infinitely often, through the Polymath8 project. Although the first proof was a major achievement, proving that the gap could be no more than 70,000,000, thanks to many improvements from a huge community of mathematicians, it quickly went down to 246. This project surprised and impressed me as I found discoveries often to be the result of many small contributions.

My curiosity has drawn me increasingly to the field of computer science, leading me to attend a 2017 summer course at Cambridge University focused on website development. Leveraging coding languages HTML, CSS and Javascript, I managed to create an interactive image gallery written on Github. Dealing with programming taught me to be not only meticulous - as a small syntax mistake may well induce a program error - but also to think ahead, as coding difficulties often arise from lack of planning. The pleasure I gained helped me understand the innumerable opportunities enabled through programming. I was able to reinforce the experience through a two-week internship shadowing different teams at ASOS, discovering software engineers to be the backbone of this online platform.

The piano (currently preparing Grade 7) represents for me a contrasting, but very real, source of pleasure. In music as in maths, I have been fascinated to discover a point where investment in study allows a level to be reached where I can detach from the academic process, to join the flow and elegance of the material. I believe also in active recreation – representing my school in Handball at the 2016 London Youth Games. Here, as elsewhere, team participation teaches me that major achievement often depends upon cooperation with others. I am eager to continue playing Handball at university.

I look forward to my university studies in Mathematics and Computer Science deepening my understanding so that I may play my part in tomorrow's digital revolution.

Please note UCAS will detect any form of plagiarism. PSE and its contributors do not take any responsibility for the way in which personal statements are used.

Applying to College: The Application Packet

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Once you’ve decided where to apply, it’s time to get the application in order! An application for admission is broken into two general parts: the application itself and the additional information. The application consists of information that most colleges require, and the additional materials vary from college to college.

For information on what’s needed to apply to York College, visit: ycp.edu/admissions/apply

1. Application

The application is where colleges seek personal information, extracurricular activities, and a character statement if the college requires one.

Paper Application vs. Online Applications

If applying on a paper application, make sure that it is the current and correct application. Many colleges will not accept an old application. New applications will typically be available in late summer before the senior year.

To apply online, visit the college websites. You can also visit the Common Application, www.commonapp.org , which allows you to submit one application to many member colleges. Remember: when applying online, make sure to upload or send in any additional materials. Also, work with your school counselor to send your official transcripts to each college you apply to. Your application for admission will not be considered complete without these additional materials.

2. Application Fee or Waivers

College application fees are usually non-refundable and can range from $0 - $100, and sometimes more. But don’t panic! Not all colleges charge an application fee, and there are a few ways that application fees can be waived…

a. SAT Fee Waivers – If you qualified for an SAT Fee Waiver, you can send in an application fee waiver with your application. You can get the application fee waiver from your high school counselor.

b. NACAC Fee Waivers – A form is available from the National Association for College Admissions Counseling. The form can be downloaded from their website ( www.nacacnet.org ) and must be signed by a counselor.

c. Alumni Vouchers – Some colleges offer alumni and college employees the chance to send in a voucher to waive the application fee of an interested student. Contact the college for details.

d. Campus Visits – Some colleges waive the application fee if you have visited the college. Ask the Admissions Office for details.

e. Ask the college for a fee waiver. They may be able to work with you!

3. Transcripts, Test Results, and Character Statement

Official transcripts.

Colleges will only accept transcripts that are “official.” Transcripts should be sent directly from your high school to the college: electronically transferred or in sealed envelopes. Transcripts that have been opened are no longer considered “official” and will not be accepted by colleges for your application. Test scores should be sent directly from the testing agency (ex. College Board or ACT) unless otherwise stated by the college.

Standardized Tests

Some colleges and universities require standardized test scores as part of the application package. However some schools are test optional, meaning a test score is not always required for acceptance. Check with the college’s Admissions Office to determine whether or not a test score is required. If one is, you will need to take one of two tests before you can apply. Be sure to sign up early!

a. SAT (Scholastic Assessment Test) – www.sat.org The SAT involves two sections (Critical Reading and Math) and is scored out of 1600 total points.

b. ACT (American College Testing ) – www.act.org The ACT involves four sections (English, Math, Reading, Science) and is scored out of a possible 36 points. Most colleges require you to take the optional writing test for your ACT scores to count, so make sure to sign up for “ACT plus Writing.”

Test Fee Waivers

Standardized tests can be expensive—between $40 to $80 each time you take the test—and it’s not uncommon for students to take these tests more than once. The good news is test fee waivers are available for eligible students for both the SAT and ACT. All test fee waivers are available through your high school counselor. They do not cover late registration fees, so be proactive: ask for the waiver and sign up for the test early!

Test scores can be automatically sent to colleges you are applying to by filling out the School Code (a four-digit code unique to each College/University) in the appropriate box on the test. School codes are entered at the end of each test. If your college of choice is unknown, scores can be sent after testing, but additional fees may apply.

Example : York College SAT Code: 2991, York College ACT Code: 3762

Studying for the Tests

There are many free ways to study and take practice tests to get familiar with the SAT and ACT. High school guidance offices and local libraries have guidebooks available that offer practice tests free of charge. For free online practice tests, check out khanacademy.org and the College Board website: https://bigfuture.collegeboard.org/ .

Test Optional

Some colleges provide an application pathway that does not require a standardized test score. In this case, submitting a standardized test score, like the SAT or ACT, is optional. Without a test score though, supporting documentation becomes very important. You’ll want to check with the college’s Admissions Office to determine what additional materials may be required in lieu of a test score.

Character Statement

The character statement is the student’s promise that there is no false information on the application. Make sure it is signed and know that colleges with character statements look at lying on your application like teachers look at plagiarism. Honesty is important.

4. High School Counselor Recommendation

This informs colleges of the high school’s grading scale, the student’s class rank, and lets the Admission staff know the applicant is in good standing and intends to graduate on time. Many colleges require materials in addition to the application. Each college has different requirements, so make sure to send exactly what that college requests.

Possible Additional Materials/Supplements Colleges May Request:

Teacher Recommendations - Many colleges ask for 1-2 teacher recommendations. These recommendations should be from 11th or 12th grade teachers who taught an academic core subject.

Essay/Personal Statement - An Essay is a writing sample on a specified topic. A Personal Statement is usually on any topic chosen by the applicant. For example, applicants will use it to explain a challenge they faced in a subject area and how they overcame it. At some colleges, these are required; at others they are “highly encouraged.”

Interview - Some colleges require an interview with either an Admissions Counselor or alumni as part of the application review process. If required, schedule this interview as soon as possible because interview time slots can fill up quickly. This can be taken care of online or by a simple call to the Admissions Office.

SAT/ACT Scores

Portfolio/Audition - If you are applying for an arts, theatre, or music program, some colleges require a portfolio or an audition submission at the time of application. Contact the college to inquire about setting up an audition time, or for specifics on portfolio submissions.

Tips for Students

Teacher recommendation .

When asking a teacher to write a recommendation, ask them early in the fall semester of your senior year so they have time to write a thoughtful letter and are not swamped with other requests. You want the teacher to be able to shine the best possible light on your application! You may want to also seek a recommendation from your high school counselor, especially if they know you well.

If English is not your first language, and you took ESL classes in 9th or 10th grade, have one of your teacher recommendations be from your 11th or 12th grade English teacher—this proves to the college that you’ve worked hard at mastering the language and succeeded.

Essay/Personal Statement

When writing an essay on an assigned topic, make sure that you answer the question that is asked! If time allows, ask your English teacher to look over your essay for grammar and punctuation. Be sure to give them enough time in advance, just as you would a teacher recommendation.

When choosing a topic for a Personal Statement, don’t write about information you already listed in the application (such as a list of activities you’re involved in). Colleges already have a handle on your day-to-day activities from the application. Instead, write about something that they wouldn’t know about you by just reading the transcript. Describe the impact you made by performing a service in your community. Why do you want to attend this college or major in a certain field? What is an interesting fact about you or an experience that you’ve had that the Admissions Office would find interesting or unique? Keep in mind that some colleges and the Common Application provide prompts to respond to as opposed to selecting a topic of your choice.

For information on what's required when submitting your application to York, visit ycp.edu/admissions/admissions-guidelines .

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, what are the admission requirements for kansas university.

I'm a high school junior and I'm considering applying to the University of Kansas. Can someone help me understand the admission requirements for Kansas University? I want to have a clear idea of what I need to focus on during my senior year. Thanks!

I'm glad you're interested in the University of Kansas! Here's an overview of the admission requirements for Kansas University.

Academic Requirements:

1. GPA: KU does not have a minimum GPA requirement for admission, but they do consider your GPA as part of their holistic review process. A competitive GPA will increase your chances of admission.

2. Course Rigor: KU requires the completion of a pre-college curriculum with specific subject area requirements. Here's a breakdown of the required courses:

- English: 4 units

- Math: 3 units (4 recommended) including Algebra I, Geometry, and Algebra II

- Science: 3 units (4 recommended) including at least one lab science like Biology, Chemistry, or Physics

- Social Sciences: 3 units including US History, World History or Geography, and either US Government or a third unit of History

- Electives: 2 additional units from any of the subjects above, or from Computer Science, World Language, or Fine Arts.

Standardized Test Scores:

As of the 2023-2024 academic cycle, Kansas University has implemented a test-optional policy. You can choose to submit SAT or ACT scores if you believe they will help your application, but they are not required.

Other Application Components:

1. Personal Statement: Kansas University requires you to submit a personal statement as part of your application. Make sure to showcase your personality, achievements, and reasons for applying to KU.

2. Letters of Recommendation: While not required, KU welcomes up to two letters of recommendation. They can be from teachers, counselors, or community members who can speak to your achievements and potential.

3. Apply Kansas: In addition to completing the online application, you'll need to fill out the "Apply Kansas" section which includes information about your financial aid eligibility, extracurricular activities, and other achievements.

As you prepare for your senior year, focus on maintaining a strong GPA, completing the required coursework, and participating in meaningful extracurricular activities. Keep working diligently, and best of luck with your application to Kansas University!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

Five high school age students sit in a classroom listening

Most Philly public school students have college ambitions − but their level of preparation depends on which high school they attend

Ph.D. Candidate in Sociology, Princeton University

Disclosure statement

Joseph Sageman does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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When Nadia was in high school, her teachers and administrators portrayed college as the only realistic pathway to a respectable career.

“College, they make it seem like the end-all, be-all,” she said. “If it’s not college, I’ll visit you at the drive-thru once a week, that type of thing. There’s kind of like this dark hole. Anything outside of it, you’re not a part of moving up in society in a way.”

Faculty at April’s school across town, meanwhile, presented college as one of several possible routes to economic opportunity.

“The teachers let us know that they want us to do better with our lives,” she said. “Go to college, even start your own business. Mostly everybody has a career and technical education class and can get a license for (an industry). So even if you don’t go to college, you can start your own thing.”

The reason why Nadia and April had such different experiences is directly related to the type of schools they attended.

Nadia, like 41% of Philly public high school students , went to a school where students need to meet certain GPA, attendance and test score requirements in order to be admitted. These are known as “criteria-based schools.”

But April attended what I call an “open-access school” – an umbrella term for the different types of schools that don’t have competitive admission standards. These schools serve students who are from the surrounding neighborhood or interested in a particular vocational program – such as culinary arts, digital media or health-related technology – and 59% of Philly students attend those kinds of schools.

Between February 2022 and May 2023, I conducted 73 in-depth interviews with 12th graders, counselors and principals at two criteria-based and two open-access high schools in Philadelphia. The names Nadia and April are pseudonyms, as are all the names used in this article, to protect the research participants’ identities.

In my peer-reviewed study published in the journal Social Problems in June 2024, I find that criteria-based and open-access schools have very different structures in place – specifically around curricula and counseling – designed to position their students for success after graduation.

Different routes to social mobility

The admission processes that determine which side of the divide students end up on has been the subject of heated controversy because the stakes can be momentous. The high school a student attends is strongly related to their longer-term outcomes , including whether they go to college .

For example, in criteria-based schools, just over 75% of the class of 2023 went to college in the fall after graduation, according to my calculations using district data . At open-access schools, only 38% did.

When it comes to classroom instruction, Philly’s public high schools face a trade-off between emphasizing academic and technical skills.

Criteria-based schools focus almost exclusively on academics and, in the process, send students strong messages about the necessity of four-year college. Students at these schools often doubt the viability of other routes to economic stability and prosperity.

“When I was a freshman, they did an assembly for all the ninth graders,” recalled Laurence. “And the principal said on the microphone that if you don’t want to go to college, you should transfer.”

Open-access schools, by contrast, often integrate career and technical education, or CTE programs , into the curriculum. Students learn specialized skills and earn credentials that translate directly to the labor market.

This approach expands opportunities for students for whom college is not a realistic option , whether for financial, academic or personal reasons, such as caregiving responsibilities. Still, school leaders acknowledge that vocational training can come at the expense of academic rigor.

“How do I transition someone who’s been working for the past 10 years on diesel trucks in a shop and get them to teach and manage three classrooms full of kids for 100 minutes, 160 minutes and 100 minutes a day?” asked Mr. Clark, the principal of an open-access school. “Then you want me to pile on top of that, ‘Oh, yeah, and I need you to get them to analyze an author’s purpose in a text and be able to solve quadratic equations.’ I would love to be there. But just being honest with you, that’s pie in the sky.”

Counselors stretched thin

In my interviews, I also found that open-access schools have far less energy and resources to expend on college advising than their criteria-based counterparts.

Guidance counselors have historically been vulnerable to budget cuts, particularly at open-access schools. Between 2010 and 2014, fiscal crises caused the district to slash the number of counselors working in neighborhood high schools – a category of open-access schools – from 91 to 35.

The levels of economic disadvantage that characterize open-access schools compounds the issue of high student-to-counselor ratios. Social-emotional issues stemming from students’ trauma and material hardship can crowd out the individual attention that counselors would otherwise grant college-bound seniors.

“I have to address these needs,” said Ms. Allen, principal of the other open-access high school in my study. “I have two social workers in here. I have a behavioral health counselor. I have (a nonprofit partner) in here that helps with homelessness. That’s basically what I’m worried about right now. Most of my money goes to special education, behavioral health needs. So that’s what (open-access) schools are turning into. That’s what we became – a super high-needs school.”

Adult woman smiles while speaking to teenage girl student

A mismatch with students’ ambitions

Poverty and its related challenges are an important reason why open-access high schools are oriented to students’ immediate needs. They often accommodate students’ work schedules with early release policies that allow seniors to take as few as two academic classes per day.

“We have different scenarios that can help (students) in the short term,” explained Mr. West, a guidance counselor at an open-access school. “We try to provide them opportunities to get money now because I know it’s important to a lot of these kids.”

In spite of their financial constraints, students at open-access schools still commonly aspire to college. Fully two-thirds of the students I interviewed in these schools intended to enroll in either a four-year or a community college directly after graduation.

Their schools’ short-term outlook, then, creates a mismatch between students’ college ambitions and the limited institutional support available to them. As a result, many students from first-generation families that I interviewed were left to wade through complex financial aid forms and juggle application deadlines largely on their own.

Meanwhile, criteria-based schools are able to prioritize college counseling because their student bodies are more socioeconomically diverse. The ones I observed during the study used discretionary funds to hire more counselors than are allotted to them by the district and devoted instructional time to guide students through the college process.

The district’s criteria-based and open-access schools are united by a shared mission to help their students achieve economic and career stability. At criteria-based schools, getting ahead in life is synonymous with college. While open-access schools also encourage college attendance, they spread themselves thin to support students with a wide range of short-term challenges and long-term goals.

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I am enjoying my courses of A-Level Mathematics, Further Mathematics, Latin, General Studies and Statistics (AS). In addition, I was somewhat disappointed not to be able to take History at A2-Level, but only at AS-Level, since I have found History to be a challenging, yet rewarding subject. I am keen to read-up on different areas of Mathematics, in addition to those covered at A-Level, such as Topology and Number Theory, little of which is studied in-depth at A-Level. In addition, I enjoy reading contemporary Mathematics books, such as 'The Man Who Loved Only Numbers', the biography of Paul Erdös; a man who particularly inspires me. I have also taken part in National Mathematical Challenges and Olympiads, exams that I particularly enjoy participating in. As part of a school initiative set-up by myself, I now tutor one outstanding Mathematician in the Lower 6th Form.

I am trying to challenge him beyond the syllabus and explain the ideas and methods that I have learned over the past few years, helping me to develop my ability to communicate mathematically with other people. I take great pleasure in attempting challenging, non-standard problems that require a substantial amount of thought and ability. In this respect, the books 'The Mathematical Olympiad Handbook', STEP papers and similar publications have provided me with a great number of demanding problems that I have enjoyed attempting.

I enjoy Mathematics and feel that the elegance and logic of the subject is the reason for my desire to study it at a more advanced level. I realise that Mathematics is extremely important in daily life and in the systems in which we live and, as such, I believe a Mathematics degree, whilst being enjoyable and challenging, would give me a good platform on which to base a career of my choice. However, a long-term ambition of mine is to work towards a doctorate in Mathematics, something that I am determined to try to achieve.

Aside from Mathematics, I am interested in Classics. I am studying Latin at A-Level, enjoying the challenge posed by difficult 'unseen' translations, as well as reading our set authors, including Cicero, Catullus and Ovid. I have also been involved in some extra-curricular Latin in the form of Prose Composition, additional translation of Latin texts and the International Latin Exam (on which I achieved a perfect score).

As a member of the school community, I believe that I have been able to contribute greatly. I play for the school rugby and cricket First teams and I enjoy playing cricket and tennis recreationally, being a member of local clubs for both sports. I have represented the school in county chess tournaments, captained the general knowledge team and have recently been appointed as a school prefect. In such a way, I feel I have been able to develop my leadership skills and to build up my confidence and my sense of responsibility.

I am greatly looking forward to the transition from School to University because of the independence and opportunities that University life will offer. I believe that the challenge of studying and developing my Mathematics to a higher level is going to be one that I will thoroughly enjoy.

Profile info

There is no profile associated with this personal statement, as the writer has requested to remain anonymous.

Author's Comments

I applied for Maths at Cam, Dur, War, Bris, Bath, Umist.

Related Personal Statements

I think this person should of.

Sun, 12/09/2004 - 00:00

i think this person should of included more non-academic stuff,sounds like a 'mr no life' to me

I disagree with 'guest'; i

Sat, 18/09/2004 - 00:00

I disagree with 'guest'; i think this personal statement is very well written and shows a genuine interest in maths. Perhaps mentioning one or two out of school interests would have been good, but at the end of the day, universities want to see that you have a passion for your subject, and this person clearly does!

Thu, 23/09/2004 - 00:00

Masterpiece! Shows great interest and passion for mathematics, however some non-academic stuff would have made it perfect PS! Well done to anyone who has written

I think this statement

Mon, 06/12/2004 - 00:00

I think this statement incudes everything the admission people look for. However, with taking three maths related a levels, I would have liked more indications of being "rounded", and I have never liked "determined to try".

I think this person is now at

Sun, 02/01/2005 - 00:00

I think this person is now at Trinity Cambridge...so its a good PS.

not bad.....

Mon, 03/01/2005 - 00:00

not bad..... but there are still many things to be improved.

the writer should include

Wed, 08/06/2005 - 00:00

the writer should include more non-acodemic stuff like sports and leisure. Other than that, the ps was very well written

We had it drilled into us

Fri, 09/09/2005 - 00:00

We had it drilled into us that unis generally aren't interested in stuff not related to your subject, though it doesn't hurt to mention it briefly they would prefer you to focus on the course you want to take, which this PS does very well

general studies is not an A

Sun, 18/09/2005 - 00:00

general studies is not an A-level

you can take a general

Sun, 02/10/2005 - 00:00

you can take a general studies A level. I am!

what is everyone talkin about

Thu, 22/06/2006 - 00:00

what is everyone talkin about, does he not mention his sports, and chess, i would say that was his non school stuff. the worst thing you can do is just go on for ages about your extra curricular

You do not mention table

Tue, 18/09/2007 - 10:41

You do not mention table tennis anywhere.

Wed, 19/09/2007 - 08:37

Why every single one of them is like TOO GOOD!!

answer to the comment above,

Fri, 15/08/2008 - 15:46

answer to the comment above, i have read this book, it is really interesting, i reccommend it to you.

Back to the statement, i think that this is a good statement but doesnt stick out to me like others have, theres a lot about him and not linked in with him liking maths all of the time, whjich can be done well, and not be made to seem over the top

after reading personal

Sat, 23/08/2008 - 15:09

after reading personal statements like this one, i feel as though i have no chance to get into a good university if i am up against people like this!!! i cant say that i have read these books or taken part in an olypiad because i havent. what do i do???

Sat, 23/08/2008 - 15:10

Wed, 01/10/2008 - 10:28

hey hey heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !

this ps is super duper i enjoyed it! thanks for a great read :) im going to read it over and over because it is so...xx

i like maths and jam

Wed, 29/10/2008 - 20:01

Wed, 17/12/2008 - 02:50

i feel that it is a very well written piece as he has balanced his ambition for mathmatics with his fondness of latin...

however i believe that the second last paragraph should contain more detail abt his prefectship/sport activity.....

everyone who commented on

Mon, 28/09/2009 - 21:16

everyone who commented on this is stupid. telling him to put more about extra-curricular!! don't you understand that unis don't give a shit about that, all they want is for you to be passionate about your subject. for me what is wrong with this is that there's too much waffle. you mention too many things and don't go into detail in any of them, you need to be more specific about areas of maths you're interested in and why

Doesn't need to list these

Wed, 09/12/2009 - 14:15

Doesn't need to list these subjects, has included too little information about the books he has apparently read, uses the word "enjoy" too often and doesn't mention enough about the "initiative".

too many 'challenge' and

Tue, 15/12/2009 - 12:43

too many 'challenge' and 'enjoy' but otherwise I think it is pretty good. Very useful to me since I'm doing CLassical Civ alongside Maths and Further Maths:)

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COMMENTS

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15 Dec,2022 Alan Withworth. Hopefully, these examples of Mathematics Personal Statements will help you create a unique statement for your UCAS application . Example 1. I have always been fascinated by the world of mathematics and its ability to explain and understand complex phenomena in the world around us. From a young age, I have been drawn ...
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What else to include in your maths personal statement. Your extra-curricular activities: tutors want to know about your sporting, cultural, or community involvement, or anything else you do outside your studies that demonstrates drive, commitment, enthusiasm, and your potential to excel. What you'll contribute: uni isn't just about studying ...
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Focus on yourself. Your personal statement should focus on your motivations for wanting to study a subject, and why you in particular would make a good student. "Focus on yourself, rather than singing the praises of your subject," says James. "I'll have a good third of personal statements include some variation on 'mathematics is the ...
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Mathematics Personal Statement Example 1. I have always been fascinated by my mathematical studies and, having a flair for the subject, there was never any doubt that I would choose mathematics as a degree. It is a pivotal subject on which so many others depend (such as physics and chemistry).
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This personal statement is unrated. Mathematics and statistical data are fundamental to understanding the world. Being able to see how things as simple as numbers can be arranged into mathematical models that can describe everything from the stock market to the flight of a ball both excites and fascinates me.
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Mathematics (MSci) Personal Statement. Submitted by Milo. In my mathematical career to date, I have always pushed myself and thrive on new challenges. As such, I took the FSMQ additional maths in year 11 and am teaching myself AS further additional and the AEA in my year out. Working independently, I find I am always eager to learn more.
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In summary, I am extremely motivated and determined to study Mathematics. It clearly fulfils my ambition to explore an intriguing field which presents limitless opportunities while keeping me challenged, captivated and exhilarated. UCAS free and trustworthy example of a Mathematics personal statement that received offers from Oxford, Imperial ...
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I am looking forward to exploring Mathematics at degree level. I feel that I will be an asset to the university both in terms of my academic and non-academic contributions and I believe that I will make the most of every opportunity available. This personal statement was written by obrio for application in 2011. obrio's university choices.
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For example, rather than just telling them angles in a triangle add up to 180 degrees, I showed them why this is so using parallel lines which they hadn't previously realised. This made me question how I approached Mathematics as a subject. I felt the need to discover the derivations of such concepts and examine why they actually work, in an ...
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I am eager to continue playing Handball at university. I look forward to my university studies in Mathematics and Computer Science deepening my understanding so that I may play my part in tomorrow's digital revolution. UCAS free and trustworthy example of a Mathematics personal statement that received offers from UCL, Warwick, Imperial College.
Applying to College: The Application Packet
Essay/Personal Statement - An Essay is a writing sample on a specified topic. A Personal Statement is usually on any topic chosen by the applicant. For example, applicants will use it to explain a challenge they faced in a subject area and how they overcame it. At some colleges, these are required; at others they are "highly encouraged."
What are the admission requirements for Kansas University?
You can choose to submit SAT or ACT scores if you believe they will help your application, but they are not required. Other Application Components: 1. Personal Statement: Kansas University requires you to submit a personal statement as part of your application. Make sure to showcase your personality, achievements, and reasons for applying to KU. 2.
Mathematics and Computer Science Personal Statement Example
For now, I intend to approach the future positively and have many exciting thoughts. I hope to encounter new opportunities, make new friends and rise to the challenge of university! This personal statement was written by weirdo for application in 2003. weirdo's university choices. University of Bristol.
Most Philly public school students have college ambitions − but their
A sociologist and former high school math teacher found that Philadelphia students face starkly different expectations for college ... Disclosure statement. ... academic or personal reasons, such ...
Maths Personal Statement Example 1
Maths Personal Statement Example 1. Mathematics is a subject that I have thoroughly enjoyed throughout my school years. The challenge of thinking and the process of logic always attract me to Mathematical problems, however difficult and regardless of the form in which they come. I am enjoying my courses of A-Level Mathematics, Further ...
Congratulations to the 2024 HSE Graduates!
By Mira Radovich, Senior Contributing Writer It was a night of happy tears and joyful cheers as Rio Salado College honored students who earned High School Equivalency (HSE) diplomas at the annual graduation ceremony on Tuesday, June 18, 2024, at the North Phoenix Baptist Church. Watch a replay of the HSE graduation ceremony on our YouTube Channel.

Mathematics Personal Statement Examples

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Don’t list out your A-levels

Focus on yourself

Don’t use quotes unless you’re expanding on them

Mention any maths-related activities you’ve been involved with outside the classroom

Include your unexpected extracurriculars

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Undergraduate Personal Statement Example: Mathematics

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