setting boundaries assignment

How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships

And setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and positive relationships.

But let’s first understand what boundaries are.

Boundaries differ from person to person and are mediated by variations in culture, personality, and social context. Boundaries appropriate in a business meeting would seem irrelevant in a nightclub with old friends! Setting boundaries defines our expectations of ourselves and others in different kinds of relationships.

Below, we will examine definitions of relationship boundaries, how to set healthy boundaries, the different types of boundaries, and how to establish healthy boundaries in different contexts. We review the New York Times bestseller “ Set Boundaries, Find Peace ”.

In addition, we offer these free Positive Relationships PDF worksheets to help your clients define and set healthy boundaries—essential for healthy relationships.

This Article Contains:

What are boundaries, how to set healthy boundaries, examples of healthy boundaries, personal and emotional boundaries, boundaries in psychology, set boundaries, find peace: a review, 7 healthy boundaries worksheets (pdfs), positive relationship resources, a take-home message.

Let’s define boundaries. Put simply:

“A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others”

(Katherine, 2010, p. 14).

Our skin is an obvious physical boundary, but we have other kinds of interpersonal boundaries too, including a limit that extends beyond our body.

Consider what happens when somebody stands too close for comfort. We often describe it as someone invading our personal space, but definitions of personal space vary according to culture, the type of relationship involved, and social context.

Comfortable boundaries with your partner at home, would not be appropriate in a different social context, such as attending a business dinner together.

Similarly, the level of physical intimacy deemed appropriate for expression in public spaces varies wildly across cultures.

When I lived in Sri Lanka, it was customary for children to greet their parents by touching their feet rather than hugging them. Meanwhile, touching, hugging, and kissing between married couples was frowned upon in public.

However, in the UK, hugging and kissing in public is acceptable, and embraces between friends, partners, and family members are deemed appropriate in shared public spaces.

Having said that, we all have friends or family members who are personally uncomfortable with hugging in any situation other than in private with their partner. Each individual is different.

So, in summary, a relationship boundary is an interpersonal limit that is mediated by variations in personality, culture, and social context.

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Setting healthy boundaries requires self-awareness . We need to be clear about our expectations of ourselves and others, and what we are and are not comfortable with in specific situations. Setting healthy boundaries requires good communication skills that convey assertiveness and clarity.

Assertiveness involves expressing your feelings openly and respectfully. It does not entail making demands, but it requires people to listen to you. Setting healthy boundaries requires you to assert your needs and priorities as a form of self-care. Tawwab outlines three easy steps to setting healthy boundaries:

Step 1. Be as clear and as straightforward as possible. Do not raise your voice. Step 2. State your need or request directly in terms of what you’d like, rather than what you don’t want or like. Step 3. Accept any discomfort that arises as a result, whether it’s guilt, shame, or remorse.

The third step is common for people with poor boundaries, codependency issues, or are people pleasers.

Sometimes, adults have been raised by childhood carers who’ve taught them that expressing their needs is bad and selfish. However, not accepting the discomfort that comes from setting healthy boundaries in adulthood means settling for unhealthy relationships that can cause resentment, manipulation, and abuse.

Examples of healthy boundaries include:

Declining anything you don’t want to do
Expressing your feelings responsibly
Talking about your experiences honestly
Replying in the moment
Addressing problems directly with the person involved, rather than with a third party
Making your expectations clear rather than assuming people will figure them out.

Setting healthy boundaries also requires an awareness of different boundaries involved in relationships, as illustrated in our ‘7 Types of Boundaries’ diagram below.

In this section, we will look at personal and emotional boundaries. In the diagram above, personal boundaries refer to all seven types of boundaries that affect our personal wellbeing.

When we maintain healthy boundaries in all seven domains we will thrive, but when others cross or violate our boundaries, there will be a personal cost if we do not address it.

One domain refers to emotional boundaries which determine how emotionally available you are to other people. We all need support at different times when life hits us with unexpected events, or just help to process the onslaught of micro stressors during the day, sometimes referred to as ‘daily hassles’ in the psychology literature (Falconier et al., 2015).

However, we can’t always be there for people as we often have other priorities to attend to, such as work, domestic, and family responsibilities. As adults, we must take care of ourselves first. Self-care is the foundation of health, while putting others’ needs before our own is a characteristic of codependency that can lead to burnout .

When we don’t maintain healthy emotional boundaries with others, we may feel resentful, guilty, and drained.

As in the 7 Types of Boundaries diagram above, it is perfectly OK to state your limitations to people who make demands of your emotional resources. If they push back against your boundaries or continue to violate them, then this shows your relationship may be off balance, problematic, or even toxic.

When we are dealing with people who repeatedly cross or violate our personal boundaries, then the whole nature of the relationship may need to change. This can be tricky when the relationship is with somebody we cannot escape, such as co-workers and family members.

The rest of the article focuses on how to set healthy boundaries in specific relationship contexts.

There is extensive literature on the harms caused by poor boundaries and boundary violations in clinical relationships with patients and clients (Aiyegbusi & Kelly, 2012; Aravind, Krishnaram & Thasneem, 2012; Davies, 2007).

The APA’s psychologists’ code of ethics does not make any explicit statements about professional boundaries, although it covers related areas including:

multiple relationships (such as offering therapy to a student or friend),
sexual intimacies with current therapy clients/patients;
sexual intimacies with relatives or significant others of current therapy clients/patients;
therapy with former sexual partners; and
sexual intimacies with former therapy clients/patients (American Psychological Association, 2017).

Similarly, the BPS has no explicit statement on boundaries in their code of ethics for British psychologists and associated clinical professions, but outlines key principles including confidentiality and the related code of conduct (British Psychological Society, 2021).

Meanwhile, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy ( BACP ) has a detailed position statement on boundaries which begins as follows:

“It is a therapist’s duty to keep their clients psychologically safe. Boundaries are agreed limits or rules which help provide this safety and protect both the client and the therapist. They set a formal structure, purpose and standards for the therapy and the therapeutic relationship” (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, 2020, para. 3).

Health professionals of all kinds occupy a position of trust in their patients’ and clients’ lives. In legal terms, clinical and caring professionals have a fiduciary duty toward their clients as beneficiaries of their services that entails maintaining professional boundaries that protect the client’s interests above their own, at all times (Aravind, Krishnaram & Thasneem, 2012).

Setting boundaries at work

Maintaining healthy boundaries at work has become increasingly difficult with flexible working, remote and hybrid working, and technological progress.

Setting boundaries at work begins during the interview process, where you can establish what kinds of work practices you will accept, especially accessibility during working hours, out-of-hours working, and remote working arrangements.

Career Contessa offers eight tips for establishing healthy boundaries in the workplace.

Assess your personal boundaries first. These will be determined by your values and priorities. If you are not clear about your boundaries, then it’s much easier for others to cross them or violate them, leading to discomfort, stress, and even resentment.
Communicate directly. Be upfront yet professional. Avoid getting involved in discussing your colleagues with each other. Let people know when you are available and how you handle emails that arrive in your inbox outside work hours.
Create clear structures for your work, especially times for focused work, by letting your colleagues know when you do not want to be disturbed.
Keep your relationships professional. As tempting as it may be to become best friends with colleagues, it can lead to blurred boundaries and problems later on.
Delegate work when appropriate to manage your workload.
Get comfortable saying no.
Take time off.
Use technology to set and maintain work boundaries, by keeping others informed and using shareable project management tools, such as Trello or Asana.

Watch their video below for more detail.

If you find yourself in a workplace where your boundaries are repeatedly crossed or violated despite setting boundaries, then you may be being bullied or harassed. Look at this article on workplace bullying on how to manage and address the situation.

Healthy boundaries in friendships

The tips for keeping healthy boundaries in friendships include some points mentioned above, especially understanding your personal limits in terms of time and emotional investment.

These can also change as life events occur that entail a shift in priorities. For example, the time and energy you invest in friendships may change after starting a family. Your children become a priority and friendships may become less important until your children become more independent.

In the TED Talk below, Shasta Nelson describes the three requirements for healthy friendships that she calls ‘frientimacy’ as:

Consistency
Vulnerability

Setting boundaries and maintaining them with friends requires mutual trust and respect. Refer to our seven types of boundaries diagram above to consider your boundaries in friendships.

Boundary setting with friends who have crossed or violated them can be difficult, and you may experience pushback. If so, reassert the boundary again and be prepared to take a break from them by ignoring messages and calls for a while if the pushback continues.

Dr. Nicole LePera is a clinical psychologist trained at Cornell University in the US who has her own YouTube channel called the Holistic Psychologist. In the video below, she outlines the three key boundaries she has identified as essential for healthy friendships:

Conversational
Consumption

Boundaries in relationships

This section will take a brief look at boundaries in intimate relationships between partners. Many of the tips offered above also apply to intimate partnerships, including marriage. Let’s just take a moment to consider this quote:

“Boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.”

(Tawwab, 2021, p. 3)

Romantic relationships often run into trouble when implicit assumptions are made about shared values and relationship goals.

The key to having healthy intimate partnerships is clear communication between partners about mutual needs and expectations. Our worksheets below will provide further guidance.

This video by FlexTalk discusses how to set and maintain healthy boundaries in marriage, which also applies to any committed intimate partnership.

If you struggle with setting boundaries, then this book is for you. It prioritizes the self-care we need to look after ourselves and others.

The author uses real-life case histories from her therapeutic practice to illustrate a range of problems caused by poor boundaries.

In each chapter, she offers exercises to help readers identify communication skills deficits that lead to poor boundaries and provides helpful tips on how to set and maintain boundaries.

By setting boundaries in relationships, we also discover which relationships are healthy and which are not. As Tawwab explains, if friends, family members, or work colleagues push back against our boundaries by ignoring them, challenging them, or cutting us off, then the relationship was already in deep trouble and needed to end.

However, boundaries are not walls. Tawwab says that behavior that erects walls, such as cutting people off without giving them a right to reply, (sometimes called ghosting) or prolonged silent treatment, is not about setting healthy boundaries, it is emotionally abusive.

Part two is a guide on how to set boundaries in all kinds of relationships, including family, romantic relationships, friendships, at work, and with social media and technology use. This is all followed up by a self-assessment quiz to help you check your progress.

Find the book on Amazon .

To assist your clients in determining their boundaries, and then be comfortable in asserting them, make use of this selection of helpful resources.

1. Visualizing Your Boundaries

The worksheet Visualizing Your Boundaries helps your client identify life areas needing firmer boundaries.

2. The Personal Boundary Continuum – A Self-Reflection Tool

The Personal Boundary Continuum exercise helps your client define their boundaries in different life domains, and understand which areas of life may need more flexibility or firmer boundaries.

3. How to Set Boundaries – Saying No

This Saying No worksheet offers tips on how to set boundaries using the word ‘no’.

4. How to Set Boundaries – Stating What You Want

This State What You Want worksheet offers tips on how to set boundaries by stating what you want.

5. Group Boundary Setting Exercise

This Group Boundary Setting worksheet describes a group exercise that uses body language and speech to set and maintain boundaries.

6. Dealing With Boundary Violations

Dealing With Boundary Violations presents eight steps for dealing with boundary violations, especially when we are setting new boundaries in difficult situations.

7. Setting Internal Boundaries

The Setting Internal Boundaries worksheet helps you set internal boundaries by committing to the behavior you want to embrace (e.g., taking regular exercise, keeping a journal) and avoiding behavior that leaves you feeling uncomfortable (e.g., getting drunk with friends, yelling at your partner).

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

Empower others with the skills to cultivate fulfilling, rewarding relationships and enhance their social wellbeing with these 17 Positive Relationships Exercises [PDF].

Created by experts. 100% Science-based.

PositivePsychology.com has several other relationship articles with resources you may find useful. Click on the links below for more.

Building Healthy Relationships: Helpful Worksheets
The Importance of Positive Relationships in the Workplace
Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies
Conflict Resolution Strategies for the Workplace
Emotional Intelligence in Relationships (+Activities for Couples)

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others build healthy relationships, this collection contains 17 validated positive relationships tools for practitioners. Use them to help others form healthier, more nurturing, and life-enriching relationships.

Setting healthy boundaries is an essential life skill and an important self-care practice. Healthy boundaries create healthy relationships.

While someone who’s not used to setting boundaries might feel guilty or selfish when they first start, setting boundaries is necessary for mental health and wellbeing.

Appropriate boundaries can look very different depending on the setting, but it’s important to set them in all areas of life where we interact with others.

Finally, while setting boundaries is crucial, it is just as important to respect others’ boundaries, including parents, children, romantic partners, managers, coworkers, and anyone else we interact with.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

Aiyegbusi, A. & Kelly, G. (2012). Professional and therapeutic boundaries in forensic mental health practice . Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of conduct (2002, amended effective June 1, 2010, and January 1, 2017). Retrieved on 28 Oct 2022 from http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.html
Aravind, V. K., Krishnaram, V. D., & Thasneem, Z. (2012). Boundary crossings and violations in clinical settings. Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine , 34(1):21-4.
British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. (2020). What do counsellors and psychotherapists mean by boundaries – Client information sheet . Retrieved on 28 Oct 2022 from https://www.bacp.co.uk/media/8273/bacp-boundaries-client-information-sheet-april-2020.pdf
British Psychological Society. (2021). BPS Code of Ethics and Conduct . Retrieved on 28 Oct 2022, from https://cms.bps.org.uk/sites/default/files/2022-06/BPS%20Code%20of%20Ethics%20and%20Conduct.pdf
Davies, M. (2007). Boundaries in counselling and psychotherapy . Athena Press.
Falconier, M. K., Nussbeck, F., Bodenmann, G., Schneider, H., & Bradbury, T. (2015). Stress from daily hassles in couples: Its effects on intradyadic stress, relationship satisfaction, and physical and psychological well-being. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy , 41, 221– 235.
Katherine, A. (2010). Boundaries: Where you end and I begin . Hazelden Publishing.
Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself . Little, Brown Book Group.

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This article addressed something that I was wondering about.I found the article very helpful and to the point. It was refreshing,and I feel like I can share this newfound knowledge with different people in my life,

I just wanted to thank you for a comprehensive but easy to understand article on the subject. It was exactly what I was looking for.

El articulo esta genial!!! esta claro consiso e informativo, me gustaria saber para referenciar la imfg de los 7 tipos de limites la autora es la misma del articulo?

Hola Carolina,

nos alegra saber que has disfrutado tanto del artículo. No, el autor es independiente del diseño de las imágenes. ¡Tenemos nuestro propio diseñador gráfico que crea estas increíbles imágenes!

Un cordial saludo, Julia | Community Manager

Are these worksheets free to use in other settings?

Thank you, Jo, for this insightful, article written simply and with such clarity (not an easy thing to do). I’ll be drawing on it in a piece of work I’m doing with a group of women who have great demands on them and who themselves are dealing with a lot of trauma in their lives. Boundaries and maintaining them keep cropping up. So over the next few weeks we are giving space to working through this and learning to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. Your Positive Relationship Resources will be invaluable. You’re very generous in providing these freely here. I will acknowledge your work over the weeks. With gratitude. Marie

I find this article very interesting and educational because I think everyone of us has set boundaries because people can take advantage of one another by not accepting “no” for an answer.

I didn’t receive the 3 positive healthy worksheets

Hi Shaheen,

Please check your inbox for the three free PDFs. If you cannot find them, be sure to also check your spam/promotions folder, or perhaps try with an alternative email address.

Let me know if you’re still having trouble after this.

– Nicole | Community Manager

Great article! I needed to be reminded of the importance in setting clear boundaries; Especially in declaring them at the start of new relationship or at the beginning of a daunting task or circumstance.

This article also serves well as a course worthy of being taught to both adults & youth, maybe even as young as middle school!!

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published:	28 Sep 2023
updated:	18 Dec 2023

Setting the Stage for Success: Therapeutic Homework for Boundaries

Therapeutic homework for boundaries.

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for personal growth and well-being. Therapeutic homework can play a vital role in this process, providing individuals with valuable tools and exercises to develop and reinforce their boundaries effectively.

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, enhancing self-esteem, and fostering personal growth. Boundaries define where one person’s rights and responsibilities end, and another person’s begin. By establishing clear boundaries, individuals can protect their physical, emotional, and mental well-being, while also respecting the boundaries of others.

Without healthy boundaries, individuals may experience difficulties in maintaining personal space, asserting their needs, and navigating relationships effectively. Therapy homework assignments focused on boundaries can help individuals gain insight into their own limits, enhance their assertiveness skills, and establish healthier patterns of interaction with others.

How Therapeutic Homework Can Help

Therapeutic homework provides individuals with practical exercises and activities to deepen their understanding of boundaries and develop the necessary skills to set and maintain them. These assignments are typically tailored to the individual’s unique needs and therapeutic goals.

Homework assignments may include self-reflection exercises to help individuals identify their personal values, desires, and limits. Through guided prompts and journaling, individuals can gain clarity about their boundaries and areas where they may need improvement. For more information on therapy homework for self-reflection, check out our article on therapy homework for self-reflection .

Another key aspect of therapeutic homework for boundaries is practicing assertiveness . This can involve role-playing exercises where individuals simulate boundary-setting conversations with a trusted partner or therapist. These simulations allow individuals to practice expressing their needs, setting limits, and responding to potential challenges they may encounter in real-life situations. To explore more about therapy homework for assertiveness, take a look at our article on therapy homework for assertiveness .

Therapeutic homework also focuses on setting boundaries in relationships . By recognizing and understanding unhealthy boundaries, individuals can learn to establish healthier boundaries with others. Through guided exercises, individuals can develop effective communication skills to express their needs, negotiate boundaries, and maintain respectful relationships. To learn more about therapy homework for relationship building, visit our article on therapy homework for relationship building .

Lastly, maintaining and reinforcing boundaries is an ongoing process. Homework assignments often include activities that promote self-care and self-compassion . These exercises encourage individuals to prioritize their well-being and reinforce their boundaries by engaging in activities that nurture and support their emotional, physical, and mental health. For more information on therapy homework for self-care, explore our article on therapy homework for self-care .

By incorporating therapeutic homework into the therapeutic process, individuals can actively participate in their personal growth and boundary development. These assignments empower individuals to take ownership of their boundaries, navigate relationships more effectively, and foster a greater sense of self-awareness and well-being.

Identifying Personal Boundaries

Before effectively setting boundaries, it’s essential to have a clear understanding of your own personal boundaries. This involves a process of self-reflection and awareness , followed by defining your boundaries .

Self-Reflection and Awareness

Self-reflection and awareness are crucial steps in identifying your personal boundaries. Take the time to reflect on your values, beliefs, and needs. Consider the situations, relationships, and experiences that have made you feel uncomfortable or violated in the past. This introspective process allows you to gain insight into your own boundaries and helps you recognize the areas where you may need to establish stronger boundaries.

To cultivate self-awareness, you can engage in practices such as journaling, meditation, or therapy. These activities provide an opportunity for introspection and can help you uncover patterns and triggers that are relevant to your boundaries. For more information on incorporating journaling into your self-reflection practice, check out our article on therapy homework for journaling .

Defining Your Boundaries

Once you have gained a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs, it’s time to define your boundaries. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or relational in nature. They serve as guidelines for how you want to be treated and what you are willing to accept in various situations.

To define your boundaries effectively, consider the following aspects:

Values and Core Beliefs : Identify the values and beliefs that are important to you. These will act as a foundation for setting boundaries that align with your personal principles.
Limits and Deal Breakers : Determine your limits and deal breakers in different areas of your life, such as work, relationships, and personal space. Consider what behaviors or actions are unacceptable to you.
Needs and Self-Care : Recognize your own needs and prioritize self-care. Establish boundaries that allow you to meet these needs and maintain your emotional and physical well-being.
Communication Style : Consider how you prefer to communicate your boundaries to others. Some people may find direct communication more effective, while others may prefer a more subtle approach. Choose a communication style that feels authentic and comfortable for you.

By defining your boundaries, you empower yourself to assertively communicate your limits and expectations to others. This clarity and self-awareness will help you navigate relationships and situations with confidence. For more information on developing effective communication skills, check out our article on therapy homework for communication skills .

Remember, boundaries are personal and can vary from one individual to another. It’s essential to regularly evaluate and adjust your boundaries as needed. This ongoing process of self-reflection and boundary-setting enables you to establish healthy relationships and create a safe and fulfilling life for yourself.

Practicing Assertiveness

When it comes to setting and maintaining boundaries, assertiveness plays a pivotal role. Being able to communicate your boundaries effectively is essential for creating healthy relationships and maintaining your well-being. Therapeutic homework can provide valuable tools and exercises to help you practice assertiveness in setting and upholding your boundaries.

Communicating Your Boundaries

One of the key aspects of assertiveness is effectively communicating your boundaries to others. This involves clearly expressing your limits, needs, and expectations in a respectful manner. Therapeutic homework assignments can help you develop and refine your communication skills.

Role-playing exercises can be a valuable tool in practicing assertive communication. These exercises involve simulating real-life scenarios where you may need to assert your boundaries. By role-playing different situations and practicing assertive responses, you can build confidence in expressing yourself and setting boundaries.

In these exercises, you can take turns playing both the assertive individual and the person to whom the boundaries are being communicated. This allows you to gain a better understanding of different perspectives and develop effective communication strategies. By receiving feedback from your therapist or a trusted individual, you can refine your assertiveness skills and address any areas for improvement.

Remember, assertive communication involves being clear, direct, and respectful. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need, while avoiding blaming or accusing language. By practicing assertive communication in a supportive environment, you can build the skills necessary to effectively communicate your boundaries in various situations.

For additional resources and therapy homework assignments related to assertiveness, you may find our articles on therapy homework for communication skills and therapy homework for anger management helpful.

Role-Playing Exercises

Role-playing exercises provide a safe space to practice assertiveness and strengthen your boundary-setting skills. These exercises involve acting out scenarios with your therapist or a trusted individual, where you can practice assertive communication and boundary-setting techniques.

During role-playing exercises, you can explore different scenarios that may challenge your ability to set and maintain boundaries. For example, you could practice asserting your boundaries with a friend who consistently crosses them or with a colleague who frequently asks for your help outside of work hours. By engaging in these simulated situations, you can gain confidence and learn effective strategies for setting and asserting your boundaries.

When engaging in role-playing exercises, it’s important to focus on the process rather than the outcome. The goal is to practice assertiveness and learn from the experience, regardless of the specific outcome of the role-play scenario. Your therapist or trusted individual can provide feedback and guidance, helping you refine your assertiveness skills.

Remember, setting and maintaining boundaries is an ongoing process. By practicing assertiveness through role-playing exercises and applying your newly developed skills in real-life situations, you can strengthen your ability to communicate your boundaries effectively and foster healthy relationships.

For additional therapy homework assignments related to boundary-setting and assertiveness, you may find our articles on therapy homework for stress management and therapy homework for relationship building valuable resources.

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining fulfilling and respectful relationships. When it comes to setting boundaries in relationships , it’s important to both recognize unhealthy boundaries and establish clear boundaries with others .

Recognizing Unhealthy Boundaries

Recognizing unhealthy boundaries is the first step towards establishing healthier ones. Unhealthy boundaries often manifest in different ways, such as:

Enmeshment : When personal boundaries are blurred, and individuals have difficulty differentiating their own thoughts, emotions, and identity from others.
Codependency : When one person becomes overly reliant on another for their emotional and/or physical well-being, resulting in an imbalanced and unhealthy dynamic.
Lack of Boundaries : When there is a lack of clear guidelines and limits in a relationship, leading to a disregard for personal space, autonomy, and emotional well-being.
Violation of Boundaries : When someone consistently disregards or crosses another person’s boundaries, resulting in feelings of discomfort, resentment, and power imbalances.

Recognizing these signs of unhealthy boundaries is crucial for identifying areas in which improvements can be made. It is also important to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and strategies for developing healthier boundaries.

Establishing Boundaries with Others

Establishing clear boundaries with others is an ongoing process that requires open communication, self-awareness, and assertiveness. Here are a few steps to consider when setting boundaries in relationships:

Self-Reflection : Take time to reflect on your own needs, values, and limits. This self-awareness will help you identify the specific boundaries you want to establish in your relationships.
Communication : Clearly and assertively communicate your boundaries to others. Use “I” statements to express your needs and expectations. For example, “I need some alone time in the evenings to recharge, so I won’t be available for calls or visits during that time.”
Consistency : Consistently reinforce your boundaries by following through with the consequences you have communicated. This reinforces the importance of your boundaries and helps establish trust and respect.
Negotiation : In some cases, negotiation may be necessary to find a middle ground that respects both parties’ boundaries. Openly discussing and finding compromises can help foster healthier relationships.
Self-Care : Prioritize self-care and self-compassion as you navigate the process of setting boundaries. Recognize that your needs and well-being matter, and it’s okay to prioritize them.

Remember, setting boundaries is not about controlling others but about creating healthier dynamics and fostering mutual respect. It’s important to engage in open and ongoing communication with your loved ones to ensure that everyone’s boundaries are acknowledged and respected.

To explore more therapy homework assignments and techniques, check out our article on therapy homework assignments .

Maintaining and Reinforcing Boundaries

Once you have identified and established your personal boundaries, it is important to focus on maintaining and reinforcing them. This will help you create a healthy and balanced life that respects your needs and values. Two key aspects of maintaining and reinforcing boundaries are practicing self-care and self-compassion and taking accountability and evaluation .

Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Maintaining boundaries requires prioritizing your own well-being and practicing self-care. It is important to engage in activities and practices that nourish your body, mind, and soul. This can include activities such as exercise, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. By taking care of yourself, you replenish your energy and create a strong foundation for maintaining healthy boundaries.

Self-compassion is also crucial in maintaining boundaries. It involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding when you face challenges or setbacks. Remember that setting and maintaining boundaries is a process, and it is normal to encounter difficulties along the way. Be gentle with yourself, celebrate your progress, and learn from any experiences that may test your boundaries.

Accountability and Evaluation

Being accountable to yourself is an important aspect of boundary maintenance. Regularly evaluating and reflecting on your boundaries allows you to assess whether they are still serving your needs and aligning with your values. Ask yourself if any adjustments or changes are necessary. This self-reflection helps you stay connected to your boundaries and make any necessary modifications as you grow and evolve.

You can also seek support from a therapist, coach, or trusted friend to help hold you accountable. Discussing your boundaries with someone you trust can provide valuable insights and feedback. They can help you recognize any blind spots or patterns that may hinder your boundary maintenance.

Regularly evaluating your boundaries also enables you to recognize any potential boundary violations and take appropriate action to address them. It empowers you to assertively communicate your needs and reinforce your boundaries when necessary. Remember that assertiveness is a key component of boundary maintenance, as discussed in the previous section on practicing assertiveness .

By prioritizing self-care, practicing self-compassion, and being accountable and evaluative, you can maintain and reinforce your boundaries effectively. This ongoing process supports your personal growth, enhances your relationships, and fosters a sense of empowerment and well-being. Stay committed to your boundaries and embrace the positive impact they have on your life.

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A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries

When we define what we need to feel secure, we can do wonders for our well-beings.

Boundaries are limits we identify for ourselves, and apply through action or communication. When we define what we need to feel secure and healthy, when we need it, and create tools to protect those parts of ourselves, we can do wonders for our well-being at work and at home — which, in turn, allows us to bring our best selves to both places. Here’s how to boundaries in healthy ways:

First, figure out your “hard” and “soft” boundaries. Hard boundaries are your non-negotiables. Soft boundaries are goals that you want to reach but are flexible around. Knowing the difference will allow you to make choices that are aligned with your deepest needs and manage your energy as you work towards the rest.
Try this exercise: Imagine that your life, as it is right now, is no longer possible. Say you get laid off, you can’t live in the town you live in, or you’re forced to change careers. What would do next? Would you miss? What would you not miss? Your answers will reveal your high-level priorities.
Practice setting one hard boundary to protect your high-level priorities by limiting interactions or activities that are not the best use of your time. For example, if your high-level priority is to be less drained after work, cut back on a few energy-draining tasks.
Next, think about your aspirations. Are there soft boundaries you can set to feel more productive, creative, and rested at work and at home? Test them out.
Pay attention to how these behavioral changes make you feel. What boundaries do you want to stick with? What do you need to adjust? As you experiment, remember that the process is fluid, and may change over time.

Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend here .

Like exercise, meditation, or budgeting, most of us know that having boundaries around our work and our home lives is something we should probably do. Even so, finding the time to change unhealthy behaviors, learn, and build new habits is easier said than done.

JS Joe Sanok is the host of the popular The Practice of the Practice podcast which is recognized as one of the Top 50 Podcasts worldwide with over 100,000 downloads each month. Bestselling authors, experts and scholars, and business leaders and innovators are featured and interviewed in the 550 plus podcasts he has done over the last six years. He is originally from Traverse City, MI. You can learn more about his work and find additional resources by visiting his website here .

How to Set Healthy Boundaries With Anyone

A guide to setting limits with parents, partners, friends, and co-workers

What Are Boundaries?

How to Set Them
Healthy vs. Unhealthy
Relationships

Boundaries protect a person's personal or mental space, like fences that give neighbors privacy and help them feel safe. Boundaries are the physical and emotional limits of appropriate behavior between people. They help define where one person ends and another begins. People often learn boundaries during childhood within their families, but not always. Research has shown that in families with healthy, flexible boundaries, each person is able to develop into a distinct person with their own unique interests and skills. Having healthy boundaries gives them a sense of well-being, self-control, and self-esteem throughout their life. If people do not have the chance to learn how to set healthy boundaries as children, it can cause challenges for them as adults.

This article addresses healthy boundaries and how to set them.

AJ Watt / Getty Images

Research suggests that families have three types of boundaries. Families with clear boundaries tend to function well. However, each family may shift between the three main types of boundaries:

Clear boundaries : Clear boundaries are directly stated, flexible, and adaptable. While there is warmth, support, and stability within the family, each member is able to be assertive, communicate their needs, and develop their own interests.
Rigid boundaries : Rigid boundaries are closed and inflexible, much like a wall that does not let anything in or out. There is less engagement and more isolation both within the family and in the outside world. It can be more challenging for family members to communicate needs and express individuality when rigid boundaries are in place.
Open boundaries : Open (also called diffuse) boundaries are not clear, and might even be fuzzy or loose. It can be hard for individual family members to have their needs met. Families with open boundaries can be enmeshed and show more codependency traits.

How Do You Know When a Boundary Has Been Crossed?

One of the quickest ways to determine if a boundary has been crossed is to ask yourself how you feel about a particular situation.

Pay attention to your instincts. Often, our bodies will respond before our minds when something about a situation feels “off” or unsafe.

If you feel emotionally uneasy or even get physical sensations like nausea, these can be signs that something about a situation has made you very uncomfortable.

Examples of Boundaries

There are many different types of boundaries, including:

Physical : This includes your body and personal space. Healthy boundaries include the autonomy of your body. An example of physical boundary crossing is teaching children to automatically hug relatives at family gatherings. This may cause them to have weaker physical boundaries. Offering a handshake or just a "hello" are polite alternatives.
Sexual : Sexual boundaries consist of your sexual self and your intimate personal space. They include choices around types of sexual activity, timing, and partners. These boundaries are crossed when someone pressures you into unwanted intimate affection, touch, or sexual activity.
Intellectual/mental : This comprises your personal ideas, beliefs, and thoughts. A healthy boundary respects that others' ideas may be different. These boundaries are crossed when someone is dismissive, belittling, or invalidating your ideas or thoughts.
Emotional : Your feelings and personal details are part of emotional boundaries. These are crossed when feelings or personal information you have disclosed is belittled, minimized, or shared without your permission.
Material/financial : Your boundaries for financial resources and belongings are crossed when you're pressured to lend or give things away, or to spend or loan money when you would prefer not to.
Time : When you have a job, relationships, children, or other responsibilities, it's challenging to keep healthy time boundaries. These boundaries are crossed when you have unreasonable demands or requests of your time, or when you take on too much.

Here are some examples of what boundary setting can look like:

Physical boundaries:

Telling your child that it’s OK if they do not feel comfortable hugging/kissing a relative they’ve only met once or twice
Having certain days of the week or times of day when you do not have company at your house
Telling a sexual partner about your preferences and what you dislike
Requesting that your roommates ask permission before using your personal items or borrowing something from your room
Making it a house rule that your kids have to ask for money rather than just taking it out of your wallet if they need it

Emotional and mental boundaries:

Excusing yourself from the break room at work when the conversation turns to gossip
Asking a professor for a different topic for an assignment because the one you have been given would be triggering (e.g., reading a short story about a woman dying of cancer when you just lost your mother to cancer)
Telling your children that they are not allowed to use swear words when they talk to you because profanity makes you feel uncomfortable and disrespected
Asking your partner not to discuss the intimate details of your relationship with their friends
Telling your father that you are not comfortable talking to him while he is yelling and angry

Behavioral boundaries:

Not giving your personal email out at work and not answering your work email when you are off the clock
Making rules at home like no phones at the dinner table and always calling/texting if you’ll be late
Asking your roommate not to go into your bedroom when you’re not home
Letting your partner borrow your phone and not feeling worried that they’ll “snoop” on your photos, browsing history, email, etc.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries can be thought of as stop signs in your life. Where you put your stop signs and what you consider “crossing the line” will vary based on your beliefs, values, cultural customs, and family traditions. Here are a few things to think about when you’re setting boundaries:

Goal-setting : Ask yourself questions like “What is the goal in setting a boundary or needing to set a boundary?”
Start small : Setting boundaries can be hard and uncomfortable. The key is to start small and focus on one at a time.
Be clear : Focus on what you want as clearly as possible.
Practice : If thinking about setting a boundary makes you nervous, write out what you want to say beforehand or practice stating a boundary in the mirror.
Keep it simple : Less is more with boundary setting. Try not to overload someone with too many details at first. Just pick the main thing that is bothering you and focus on that.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries allow each person in a relationship or family to communicate their wants and needs, while also respecting the wants and needs of others.

Healthy Boundaries

A few examples of a person exhibiting healthy boundaries include:

Being able to say, "no," and accept when someone else says "no"
Being able to clearly communicate both wants and needs
Honoring and respecting their own needs and the needs of others
Respecting others' values, beliefs, and opinions, even if they are different from one's own
Feeling free to disclose and share information where appropriate
Flexibility without compromising yourself in an unhealthy way

Unhealthy Boundaries

Where there are unhealthy boundaries, safety in the relationship is compromised. This may lead to dysfunctional relationships, where people's needs are not met.

A few examples of a person exhibiting unhealthy boundaries include:

Having a difficult time saying, "no"
Having trouble accepting "no" from others
Not clearly communicating one's needs and wants
Easily compromising personal values, beliefs, and opinions to satisfy others
Being coercive or manipulative to get others to do something they don't want to do
Oversharing personal information

Unhealthy boundaries can quickly turn into abuse. Abuse—whether physical , sexual , or emotional —is a violation of boundaries.

People who have been abused as children may not know healthy boundaries. They often grow up with a lack of control over their personal, physical boundaries. The pattern may repeat with abusive partners because it's familiar and comfortable.

When Unhealthy Boundaries Become Abusive

This behavior is not healthy and may cross the line into abuse:

Violating your physical safety
Exerting excessive control of your life
Constantly scaring you
Being hyper-controlling and preventing you from doing reasonable things you'd like to do
Forcing you to do things you don't want to

If you are currently in a relationship where your partner is, or if you or someone you care about is being abused, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788 .

Benefits of Setting Boundaries

Setting limits can provide balance in your life. Some of the benefits of setting boundaries include:

Avoiding burnout : Doing too much for too many people is an easy way to burn out. Setting boundaries can help prevent burnout .
Less resentment : Giving and helping others is a strength, but when it turns into doing too much for others, you may start to feel resentful. Setting boundaries around what you are able to do can reduce or even get rid of any resentment that may have come up for you.
More balance : Sometimes, the boundaries we need to set are with ourselves. For example, while it can feel like a nice escape to binge-watch a favorite show, staying up too late on work nights can lead to exhaustion. Setting a boundary with yourself to go to bed earlier can give your life a little more balance.

Setting Relationship Boundaries

Setting boundaries in relationships is not about keeping others out; it's about providing an environment where there's a balance between the needs and wants of all the people who are involved. Setting boundaries with partners, parents, friends, and co-workers all present their own unique challenges.

Setting Boundaries With Partners

Setting boundaries with your partner helps maintain a healthy relationship that supports you both. It can also prevent a toxic relationship from developing. Here are some tips for setting boundaries in an intimate partnership:

Resist reactivity : Set the tone for the talk by being calm. If you're angry, upset, and aggravated, it may trigger your partner to become reactive. Pick a time when you're both relaxed and receptive to the conversation.
Avoid “you” statements: It can sound accusatory and put your partner on the defensive if you start every sentence with, " You did x" or " You do y." Think about your choice of words and use a calm, even tone.
Put down the phone : Be fully present with your partner. Put your phones on silent or just flip them over for a few minutes so you can talk. Incoming messages and notifications can be tempting to check, but give your partner your full attention. If you do, they will be more likely to do the same.

Setting Boundaries With Parents

Studies have shown that addressing problems with parents can be stressful. Some suggestions for setting boundaries with parents include:

Be respectful : You have the power to set the tone for the conversation by being respectful. Think of it as an opportunity to come to them as a confident adult.
Have the discussion : One study showed that when adult children took a passive approach of avoiding or accepting a problem with their parents, it increased their depression . Instead, sitting down and having a calm, rational discussion helps.
Stay cool and calm : Your parents may react or get upset during the conversation. While you cannot control the choices they make, you can control your own response to those actions. If you stay cool and calm, they may too.
Keep it simple : Pick a small number of things to address, such as the one that is most bothering you, and focus on that.

Setting Boundaries With Friends

Some ways to set boundaries in friendships include:

Setting the tone : Stay calm and be kind when communicating. This sets the standard for the conversation and will hopefully lead to positive outcomes.
Avoiding “ghosting:" While it can be hard to deal with something directly, avoiding a friend with no explanation (ghosting them) prevents them from knowing what the issue is and deprives them of a chance to try to address it. Avoiding the issue means they cannot grow from the experience, and it does not give you the opportunity to practice setting healthy boundaries.
Avoiding gossiping : While it can be tempting to discuss your friendship frustration with mutual friends, this can get back to your friend and potentially hurt them.

Setting Boundaries at Work

When it comes to setting limits with colleagues, managers, or supervisors, here are a few tips:

Set boundaries for yourself : With telecommuting, teleworking, and the use of smartphones, the boundary between work and home has become increasingly blurred. Set a firm work “stop" time, close your computer, and take a break.
Know who to reach out to : If you are having a problem with a colleague or manager and you cannot speak to them directly, look for guidance from your organization's “chain of command,” usually through human resources (HR).
Avoid gossiping : It can be tempting to discuss the problem with other colleagues, but this can backfire. It's better to address the issue directly but calmly with the other person involved. If possible and appropriate, involve a manager or supervisor.

Boundary Exercises

When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied:

Use "I" statements :

I feel ______ when _____ is said to me.
When this happens______, I feel_____.

When you feel disrespected :

I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now.
I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time.
I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it.

Buy yourself some time :

I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it?
I need more time to think, but I will get back to you.

When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation :

I would love to, but my plate is really full right now.
I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now.
I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating.

Seeking consent with sexual boundaries :

Are you okay with this?
Do you want to continue?
Are you comfortable if I____?

Boundaries are the limits of appropriate behavior between people. Personal boundaries define where one person ends and the other begins. Boundaries affect intimate relationships, families, and colleagues in a work environment. Setting relationship boundaries can be challenging, but boundaries ensure the relationship is healthy for everyone.

Setting boundaries is a key part of staying mentally healthy and maintaining positive relationships. You don't have to do this work alone. It may be helpful for you and your loved ones to seek support and guidance on how to set boundaries from a mental health professional.

Erdem G, Safi OA. The cultural lens approach to Bowen family systems theory: contributions of family change theory: Bowen family systems and family change . J Fam Theory Rev . 2018;10(2):469-483. doi:10.1111/jftr.12258

Reiter MD. Systems Theories for Psychotherapists: From Theory to Practice . Routledge. 2018.

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. Boundaries in addiction recovery .

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Love Is Respect. How to create boundaries in romantic relationships .

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. 8 tips on setting boundaries for your mental health .

Coe JL, Davies PT, Sturge-Apple ML. Family cohesion and enmeshment moderate associations between maternal relationship instability and children’s externalizing problems . Journal of Family Psychology . 2018;32(3):289-298. doi:10.1037/fam0000346

Heal For Life Foundation. The effect of trauma on boundary development .

Community Health Systems of Wisconsin. Setting boundaries .

Birditt KS, Polenick CA, Van Bolt O, Kim K, Zarit SH, Fingerman KL. Conflict strategies in the parent-adult child tie: generation differences and implications for well-being . J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci . 2019;74(2):232-241. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbx057

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Love Is Respect. What are my boundaries? .

By Michelle C. Brooten-Brooks, LMFT Brooten-Brooks is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Georgia. She has been covering health and medical topics as a journalist for over 20 years.

Submission Guidelines

boundaries header

oundaries protect what’s important. Setting boundaries on how we expend our energy, attention and time allows us to sustain these resources for the different arenas that matter in our lives, work, family, and wellbeing.

For health care professionals, setting boundaries prior to COVID was just as challenging. We find meaning in service and caring of others. Health care culture tends to promote values like self-sacrifice and perfectionism, and though there are valid reasons for these values, we also need values such as self-care, support and compassion to promote safe, quality care. Setting healthy boundaries, communicating with ourselves and others “what’s ok and not ok” is an important key to sustaining professional and personal well-being.

Especially during these times as we are recovering and rebuilding, we know we need to set boundaries to restore individual and team reservoirs. The question is how do we do that when the needs are still high and many of our teams are understaffed or burned out.

“Boundaries are the distance where I can love you and me simultaneously.” (Quote by Teacher & Author, Prentis Hemphill.)

5 tips on how to set boundaries

It can be hard to say no even if we want to; in this case, focus what you're saying yes to: authenticity, health, family, joy, adventure... It’s not that you don’t care about your team or your work; it is about remembering what else you care about. What else is important in your life? Carving out space for these other values enables you to continue caring for your patients and your team.

Be clear on what you need and communicate it. Identifying what you need and asking for it feels vulnerable and takes courage. It can also be an act of kindness to let people know how you would like to be treated, instead of expecting them to do the guesswork and get it wrong. If it’s a big ask, divide it into smaller asks, instead of just writing it off as not possible. Though it is not necessary, sharing some reasons for your request helps others to understand and better support you. If you have the resources, you can also help find coverage or refer out for what you cannot do.
Identify the resistance to not having boundaries. What emotions do you experience when you try to set or enforce your own boundaries? Fear, guilt, anxiety? Often their calling cards sound like “What if I let my team down? What if they think I don’t care or I’m selfish? What if they think I’m incompetent? What if I make them mad? What if I hurt my chances at promotion?” Acknowledge the feelings and thoughts; slow down and perhaps answer a few of these “What ifs” to assess their risks and realistic impact. Even just slowing down for a minute to name an emotion helps, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Besides these hard emotions, there may be beliefs and habits that you, your family and your team may hold that limit boundary setting. Name them and acknowledge that while they have served you in the past, do they serve you now as they are? What needs recalibrating? Sometimes, these habits are rooted in trauma, and consulting with a mental health professional may be helpful in healing and releasing.
Ask what happens if boundaries aren’t set. Resentment? Conflict? Burnout? Effects on team relationships, patient care, and turnover?
Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can’t , especially people’s reactions and judgments. Take care of your own feelings, as the process may be uncomfortable, and allow people to take care of their feelings. It’s not your responsibility to make others feel ok with your requests.

Try it out with your team

Team culture and leaders are important players in supporting the practice of boundary setting. Are boundaries discussed explicitly and modeled? Sharing examples and discussing the topic in team meetings can be helpful. For example, leaders can state why boundary setting is important and share an example of how they’ve done it. Check in with prompts or questions such as “When was a time you set a boundary? What was challenging and supportive of you doing it? What did you learn?”

As a leader, sometimes you can’t grant an employee’s request. Even when you can’t grant the request, thank the person for their willingness to let you know what they need and their vulnerability. Tell them why you can’t grant their request and let them know you want them to keep advocating.

Tips and scripts for boundary setting

Practice, practice, practice. (Start small. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but practice makes for more ease)

Consult with colleagues and mentors; seek the support you need.

I need/want/would like: I would like to take on that assignment and do it justice; what can I take off my plate?

No, thank you.

I don’t have the capacity right now.

Thank you for inviting me. It means a lot, but I can’t say yes at this time.

Give me a few days to think about it taking on that project. (Try slowing down the habitual urge to say yes)

I said yes, but I have reconsidered. I’m sorry to disappoint you. (Give yourself permission to change your mind.)

Would you be completely opposed to me changing my schedule?

Is it ridiculous to request a week/day off in the midst of all of this?

If I can’t take a week off, how about a 4-day weekend this month and could we plan for a week off in 3 months? (Recognize and avoid stress reaction’s tendency for tunnel vision or all or nothing thinking; negotiate).

Resources & References

Setting Boundaries As A Health Care Worker

Healing the Professional Culture of Medicine

Boundaries with Brene Brown

When work takes over your life - WorkLife with Adam Grant: A TED original podcast

We have personal protective equipment (PPE) for our body–but what about our mind? Huntsman Cancer Institute nurse manager Cassidy Kotobalavu has lead training on the concept of emotional contagion–how good (and bad) emotions spread. Here are Cassidy’s expert tips (with slides) on managing emotional contagion in health care.

Well-being experts Britta Trepp and David Sandweiss prioritize personal well-being through holistic approaches, including mindful movements and connecting with nature. Learn how these practices boost mental, physical, and emotional health, enhancing productivity and reducing stress for a more balanced life.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to forget what keeps us grounded and therefore more satisfied with life. Sydney Ryan reflects on the importance of making time for yourself and prioritizing what is important for you. She explains simple, deliberate actions that have made a difference in her work and her life.

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Health & Well-Being

How is Life Tree(ting) You?: Trust, Safety, and Respect - The Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries help determine what is and is not okay in a relationship– whether that be with friends, partners, co-workers, bosses, or family members. Ideally, we put them in place to protect our well-being. They help us to build trust, safety, and respect in relationships. Common boundaries include emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, and financial; they can apply to any aspect of your life where you feel they are needed. Ready to start setting boundaries? It requires a certain amount of self-awareness and reflection.

How to Set Boundaries

First, it's important to be aware of what is impacting you and what your tendencies are. Before setting a boundary, take time to reflect on your needs, struggles, and how it’s impacting your relationships . Say your boss calls you after work hours, which interferes with your time to rest or focus on school assignments. Setting a boundary might look like communicating to your boss that you are offline during certain hours for these reasons. Reflection and self-awareness will give you a clear idea on what boundaries need to be drawn so then you can take the next step of clearly communicating them.

After gaining clarity, the second step is to communicate your boundaries. Communication is extremely important in order to set healthy boundaries. Ideally, boundaries are communicated kindly and assertively. Focus on sharing how you feel and what you need in a respectful way, even if feeling anger and spite. While these are valid feelings, they are not always the most helpful when communicating boundaries.

After boundaries are communicated, you should continue to check-in with yourself about whether or not they are working for you. It may be necessary to have follow-up conversations if boundaries are crossed. For example, if your boss was to continue to call you after work hours after establishing your boundary, you can turn your phone off and have a follow-up conversation. Sometimes, taking that step can be difficult but is necessary to protect your mental health and well-being.

When you find yourself struggling to communicate your boundaries, remind yourself that doing so will support efforts to build and maintain the relationships that are important to you. If you are still finding it difficult to effectively communicate, consider reaching out for additional support. Please note, power dynamics (e.g. between you and your supervisor/boss, partner, family, or friend) can impact navigating boundaries and is a great time to consider reaching out for help.

Written by: Cherrial Ann Odell, Class of 2025

Stanford Resources

Need support in establishing boundaries? Struggling to communicate your boundaries to others? A Well-Being Coach can assist you! Book a session today based on your schedule.
Confidential Support Team: Offers support to Stanford students impacted by sexual assault and relationship violence, stalking, and sexual or gender-based harassment and discrimination.
SHARE (Sexual Harassment/Assault Response & Education) Title IX Office: The University’s central resource for redressing and preventing sexual harassment and violence issues experienced by all Stanford community members.
Weiland Health Initiative: Promotes mental health and wellness across the spectrum of gender identities and sexual orientations through education, training and clinical services.
Building and Maintaining Health Relationships The Flourish, February 2023: In Focus

Additional Resources

10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries Psych Central
How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships Positive Psychology
How to Set Boundaries: 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely Science of People

Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship

Dealing with difficult family relationships, attachment styles and how they affect adult relationships.

The 5 Love Languages and Their Influence on Relationships
I Feel Lonely: 8 Easy Ways to Deal with Loneliness

Loneliness and Social Isolation

Codependency: Signs, Causes, and Help for a Codependent Relationship

Tips to Improve Your Sex Life

Online Therapy: Is it Right for You?
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What are healthy boundaries?

Types of healthy boundaries, unhealthy boundaries, how to set and maintain boundaries, setting boundaries tip 1: know what you want in a relationship, tip 2: talk to the person about your needs, tip 3: enforce boundaries, how to respond when someone else sets a boundary, setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

Whether you’re dealing with romantic partners, family, friends, or coworkers, maintaining healthy boundaries can help you strengthen relationships, avoid unhealthy connections, and improve your self-esteem and overall well-being.

You might hear the word “boundaries” and imagine walls that separate you from other people. In a sense, that’s true. But boundaries aren’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, they’re an important ingredient in healthy, balanced relationships. They’re also a crucial part of maintaining your identity, mental health, and physical well-being.

Boundaries can include restrictions on physical actions, such as asking a roommate or partner not to look through your phone or not to interrupt when you’re working from home. They can also be psychological, such as asking your spouse to accept that your goals and dreams may not always be the same as theirs.

Healthy boundaries serve to:

Encourage autonomy and reduce codependent habits .
Set expectations when interacting with others.
Give you a sense of empowerment and self-respect.
Ensure your physical and emotional comfort.
Clarify individual responsibilities in a relationship.
Separate your wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings from those of others.

Without healthy boundaries, your relationships can become toxic and unsatisfying and your well-being can suffer. You might feel taken advantage of if a friend keeps asking for money, for example, or feel overwhelmed by stress if you feel the need to solve all of your partner’s emotional problems. Or if a parent continually invades your privacy, you’ll likely feel resentful. Similarly, if you continually ignore another person’s boundaries, you risk making them feel uncomfortable and damaging the relationship.

Boundaries aren’t just necessary in your personal relationships, though. They’re also needed in the workplace, where coworkers or managers might monopolize your time or disregard your needs. Unhealthy boundaries at work can also follow you home and reduce the quality of your personal life.

One study showed that when boundaries are blurred between personal life and work, people experience more emotional exhaustion and less happiness. On the other hand, setting boundaries, particularly when it comes to job duties, can lead to a greater sense of empowerment.

Learning how to set and maintain boundaries can change many aspects of your life, ranging from work to family relations to dating. It all starts with understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries.

Personal boundaries can come in many forms. However, not every relationship requires you to address every type of boundary. For example, you might need to set physical restrictions with a coworker but not financial ones.

Physical boundaries help keep you comfortable and safe, not just when you’re dealing with strangers, but also when you’re interacting with those closest to you. For example, you might tell someone that you’d prefer handshakes instead of hugs. Or you could tell a friend that you need to take a rest during a lengthy bike ride. If a physical space belongs to you, you can set limitations around that as well. Perhaps you don’t want someone to intrude in your bedroom or clutter your office with their items.

Sexual boundaries could involve anything from asking for consent before being physically intimate to checking in with your partner’s comfort level during sex. Even if you’ve been with your partner for years, you should make an ongoing habit of communicating your preferences . You might want to reassess limitations and expectations surrounding things like frequency of sex and contraception use.

Emotional boundaries ensure that others are respectful of your emotional well- being and internal comfort level. When setting an emotional boundary, you might say something like, “I don’t want to talk about this subject while I’m at work because I need to focus.” You might also use these barriers to prevent yourself from feeling overwhelmed by other people’s feelings. For example, you can acknowledge you’re not responsible for how another person reacts to your decision to turn them down for a second date.

Material/financial boundaries extend to your belongings, such as money, clothing, car, or home. If you’re a charitable person, you might have a hard time saying “no” to people who want to borrow items. However, people may intentionally or unintentionally take advantage of your goodwill, and then you may notice your own resentment building. When setting a material restriction, you might say something like, “You can borrow my phone charger, but please put it back when you’re done” or “No, I can’t loan you money for new shoes.”

[Read: Coping with Financial Stress]

Time boundaries allow you to focus on your priorities at work and in your personal life without feeling crowded by other people’s needs and wants. Imagine that you’ve had a stressful work week and want to spend the weekend recuperating. You might decline a party invite or set a limit on how long you’ll be there. Other time-related restrictions could include asking a friend to avoid calling you during work hours or asking a partner to delay an important conversation until a more convenient time.

Shifting boundaries

Boundaries aren’t etched in stone. You’ll need to adjust them as circumstances change and relationships grow. This can be especially true in long-term relationships. Communication is important as you reevaluate and revise your boundaries. You want the other person to be clear on the change and the reason behind it.

Examples of shifting boundaries

Initial boundary	New boundary
You initially have loose financial boundaries with family members and help them pay bills when necessary.	You lost your job, so you decide to set tighter boundaries to protect your financial well-being.
You often agree to work extra weekend hours to help a coworker.	You cut back on hours so you can spend more time with your newborn.
You allow a friend to vent their emotions to you daily.	The oversharing of information affects your mental health, so you set a limit on how often you talk about the subject.
You and your partner have sex multiple times a week.	Your , and you ask your partner if the two of you can focus on different forms of intimacy.
You allow your brother-in-law to temporarily use your garage for storage.	You need the space for your own needs, so you talk to him about relocating his items.

Unhealthy boundaries often tend to be either too rigid or too porous. Healthy ones fall somewhere between these two extremes.

Rigid boundaries keep other people at a distance, even loved ones. Maybe you refuse to talk about your emotions with your partner or rarely set aside time to meet with friends.
Porous or weak boundaries develop when you have a hard time saying “no” to others. For example, you might be too willing to take on all the responsibilities in a relationship. Or maybe you tend to overshare when talking with strangers.

There are many reasons why people may consistently struggle with unhealthy boundaries, such as:

Desire for control. Some people use boundaries to manipulate others. For example, a person might use rigid boundaries to stonewall conversations, refusing to engage with you until you do what they want.

Fear of rejection. If you’re afraid of a romantic partner walking out of your life because of your flaws, you might hesitate to be emotionally open with them.

Lack of experience with setting limitations. If you grew up surrounded by people who set poor personal boundaries, managing proper ones can be a challenge. You might think that invading other people’s personal space is normal because your parents and siblings regularly did it to you.

Overly agreeable personality. If you’re too eager to please other people, you might allow them to do things that make you uncomfortable. Maybe you regularly overcommit to activities or agree to help people because you simply want to be loved and accepted.

Low self-esteem. You might feel as if your needs and wants aren’t worth vocalizing, or that you don’t have an identity of your own. Instead, you prioritize what other people want. As a result, people fail to recognize your discomfort.

Boundaries and enabling behavior

When someone you love is dealing with addiction , you may need to shift your boundaries to avoid enabling their behavior. Enabling is when you shield someone from the consequences of their actions. For example, you might want to offer to pay their legal bills for a DUI or lie to other people to cover up evidence of a gambling or drug addiction . These kinds of actions may seem helpful in the moment, but you’re actually preventing your loved one from learning from their mistakes.

[Read: Helping Someone with a Drug Addiction]

Enabling isn’t limited to situations that involve addiction. It can happen in other mental health issues. For example, if your loved has social anxiety disorder, you may try to shield them from uncomfortable interactions by speaking up for them in pubic. The result is that they continue to rely on you instead of addressing the issue on their own.

While it’s usually best to start setting boundaries early on in a relationship, establishing healthy rules and limitations can help strengthen a relationship at any stage.

In many cases, you may not even realize a certain restriction is needed until you get to know each other more. For example, it might take you some time to realize that a coworker is regularly distracting you while on the job or that a romantic interest seems too controlling.

The following tips can help you establish boundaries if you are experiencing trouble communicating or connecting with a person in your life.

Whether the relationship is romantic or platonic, it’s hard to have your needs met if you don’t know what they are. Reflecting on your values and beliefs is a good place to start.

Ask yourself questions like:

What traits do I like to see in other relationships?
What behaviors bother me?
What qualities do I admire in others?
What material items matter the most to me and why?
How do I like to spend my time?
What makes me feel fulfilled?

By gaining a more thorough understanding of yourself, you can begin to imagine the types of boundaries you need. If you know that you value independence, you’ll likely want to set financial rules between you and a partner. If you value high productivity or privacy, you might set physical boundaries with coworkers who tend to wander into your workspace.

Assessing how you feel with someone

Thinking about how others make you feel can also help you identify necessary boundaries. After interacting with other people, reflect on your feelings by asking yourself questions.

Did the other person make jokes or comments that made you feel disrespected?
Did they do anything that made you physically uncomfortable or unsafe, such as raise their voice in anger ?
Did you feel pressured to do things that didn’t match your values?
Did you feel overwhelmed by the person’s requests or expectations of you?
Did you feel as if they were infringing on your sense of control or infantilizing you?

A moment of reflection can help you decide whether you need to set limitations with the person in the future.

Knowing how to effectively communicate your needs to others is important. Rushed conversations, poor wording, and vague requests can make it harder for loved ones to understand and respect your ground rules.

Consider timing. The best time to set a boundary with your partner is when you both feel relaxed and can focus on the conversation. If you’re mid-argument, try cooling down and circling back to the conversation once you’re both calm.

Be prepared. Nervous about discussing your needs? Write your points down before the discussion so that you can speak clearly about your needs.

Consider the delivery. Try to use “I” statements to convey how you feel. Avoid “you” statements, which can seem accusatory. For example, say, “I felt overwhelmed with the amount of work I had to take care of while you were away.” Expressing your emotions is a great way to start laying the groundwork for a relationship boundary.

Be clear. A vague request, such as, “I’d like more personal space” may get the message across, but it’s better to be as clear as possible to avoid confusing the other person. Try, “I feel disrespected and uncomfortable when you come into my room unannounced. Please knock before entering.” A calm but firm tone lets the other person know you’re being serious but not disrespectful.

[Read: Effective Communication]

Address feedback. Depending on the boundary, your partner may have questions for you. Know that you don’t need to justify your needs or explain yourself, but doing so may help the other person understand where you’re coming from. You might even ask follow-up questions to ensure the right message was conveyed.

Feedback in romantic relationships

In romantic relationships , it’s especially important to ask your partner how they feel about a request, rather than guessing. Ask if it seems unfair or unusual to them. Or ask whether it conflicts with something they need or want.

Each of you has your own thoughts and feelings, and each person is responsible for putting these sentiments into words in order to be understood.

Let others take responsibility for their emotions. We often feel naturally inclined to care about how other people feel and react to our words and actions. However, you shouldn’t feel responsible for how the other person reacts to the boundary. For example, they might be upset that you’re asking for more “me time.” This could lead you to feel guilty or selfish. Remind yourself why you’re setting the restriction in the first place: You want some time alone to pursue your separate hobbies and avoid feeling emotionally crowded. Don’t feel you have to disregard your own needs.

Speak to a Licensed Therapist

BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.

Not everyone in your life is going to respect your boundaries all of the time. A partner might accidentally cross one or difficult family members might do so intentionally.

Restate your needs. It’s possible that the other person didn’t understand your original request or simply forgot it. Be calm, firm, and clear about what you need.

Have clear and reasonable consequences for crossing a boundary. If someone has a habit of talking over you, for example, you could say, “I feel disrespected when you talk over me. If you do that again, I’ll have to end the conversation.”

Only state consequences that you’re willing to enforce. If you aren’t willing to follow through on a consequence, the other person will feel empowered to overstep your boundaries in the future. For example, if you tell your partner that you’ll take a break from the relationship if they keep lying to you, it’s important to actually follow through on that.

You’re not the only one who can set boundaries. When someone voices a restriction, you might feel a sense of shame or frustration. Perhaps you feel like you’re being reprimanded or “put in your place.”

You may notice some negative emotions rushing to the surface as you try to immediately defend your actions. Keep in mind that you are not losing anything but gaining knowledge of what makes the person in your life feel safe and happy.

Take time to breathe and listen. If you’re feeling upset, deep, slow breathing can calm your nervous system’s “fight or flight” response. This makes it easier for you to receive information rather than prepare for an argument.

[Read:Quick Stress Relief]

Accept that the person setting the boundary knows what is best for them. If something truly doesn’t work for you, communicate your needs so that you can both reach a compromise.

Remember that you both have your own way of processing and feeling emotions. Try not to assume what your partner needs before they say it out loud. Allow them space to voice their needs and wants.

Apologize when necessary. You’re only human, and we all make mistakes. Maybe you accidentally overstepped a boundary by making an offensive joke or oversharing when you’ve been asked not to. When someone reiterates the boundary, be humble enough to apologize for your mistake. Ask for clarity if you feel you need it.

By learning to accept and acknowledge other people’s boundaries, you can start to think about how you can improve your own connections with others. Ultimately, effective boundaries can leave you both feeling empowered and result in a healthier, more satisfying relationship .

More Information

Boundary Setting Worksheet - Practice crafting “I” statements and other elements of boundary setting. (University of Arkansas)
Boundary Worksheet - Worksheet to practice setting boundaries in different situations. (Pittsburgh Essential Speakers)
Four steps to setting healthy boundaries in your relationship - Tips for setting and maintaining boundaries. (Relate)
7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others | Psychology Today . (n.d.). Retrieved June 5, 2022, from Link
Boundaries: What are they and how to create them | Wellness Center | University of Illinois Chicago . (n.d.). Retrieved June 5, 2022, from Link
Hornung, S. (2019). Crafting Task and Cognitive Job Boundaries to Enhance Self- Determination, Impact, Meaning and Competence at Work. Behavioral Sciences , 9(12), 136. Link
Pluut, H., & Wonders, J. (2020). Not Able to Lead a Healthy Life When You Need It the Most: Dual Role of Lifestyle Behaviors in the Association of Blurred Work-Life Boundaries With Well- Being. Frontiers in Psychology , 11, 607294. Link
When boundaries are crossed—MSU Extension . (n.d.). Retrieved June 5, 2022, from Link

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Boundaries Info Sheet

Educate your clients about the importance of healthy boundaries with the aid of the Boundaries Info Sheet . The first page of this worksheet describes the difference between rigid, porous, and healthy boundaries through the use of examples and logically organized information.

The second page of this boundaries printout describes various types of boundaries, including physical, intellectual, emotional, sexual, material, and time boundaries.

We recommend using this worksheet as take-home reading for your clients, an aid for psychoeducation during session, or as a prompt for group discussion. This worksheet was also designed to accompany the Boundaries Exploration worksheet.

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Notice: Opening a fillable worksheet directly within an internet browser (e.g. Internet Explorer, Chrome, or Safari) may prevent work from being saved. Instead, the file should be saved to your device and opened with a PDF reader.

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12 SMART Goals Examples for Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries for our personal and professional lives can’t be overstated. Knowing when and how to say “no” is crucial to managing our time, energy, and resources successfully.

The SMART method can provide structure and help us prioritize our responsibilities while maintaining balance. In this post, we will explore examples of SMART goals to help you set boundaries in your life.

Table of Contents

What is a SMART Goal?

The SMART ( Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-based ) framework will enable you to create effective goals for setting boundaries.

Still want more clarity? Let’s talk more about each SMART component:

Humans have an innate desire to be respected and have our boundaries honored. But for those boundaries to have value, one must set specific goals. Being clear with your intentions will encourage you to stick by them since they’ll be easy to understand.

It’s an undeniable fact that having a goal is paramount to success. However, you must also ensure that the goal is measurable. This criterion is essential for achieving the desired outcome and should never be overlooked.

Measurement helps you track progress and assess how far along you are in reaching your objectives. Moreover, by having quantifiable goals, you’ll have tangible results at every step, allowing you to make any necessary adjustments or amendments.

In today’s world, getting caught up in wanting everything immediately can be easy—we want the latest and greatest now. But when developing goals, it will be beneficial to approach them with more realism.

Consider how much effort and time you have available and set achievable objectives. If necessary, break down large goals into smaller ones to stay inspired long term. That will ensure success and prevent discouragement due to unrealistic expectations.

Setting goals that align with your values is vital to success. When the goals you set are meaningful and relevant to the life that you want, it will be easier to push on through times of difficulty.

No two people have the same values, so when crafting goals, think about what matters most. Ask yourself: What do I find important? What am I passionate about ? Then, create an action plan that considers any challenges that may arise along the way.

A time frame is one way to stay accountable on this voyage. Allocating time for each step will prevent distractions from creeping in. You’ll be able to reflect quickly on your progress and keep your motivation levels high.

Here are 12 examples of SMART goals for establishing boundaries:

1. Say No More Often

“I will practice saying ‘no’ more often for three months to have healthier boundaries and create a better work-life balance . I want to take on projects and tasks within my limits but not stretch myself so thin that I can’t succeed.”

Specific: The aim is to practice saying no more often.

Measurable: You can measure progress by seeing how many times you said no during the three months.

Attainable: It is achievable if you practice being assertive and establishing boundaries.

Relevant: Saying no is essential for setting healthier boundaries and creating a better work-life balance.

Time-based: The SMART goal needs to be achieved within three months.

2. Respect Your Own Time

“I’ll commit to respecting my time by scheduling mandatory breaks, vacations, and personal days into my work schedule. After three weeks, I won’t let myself become overwhelmed and overworked by taking on too many responsibilities.”

Specific: The goal is well-defined, detailing the person’s actions to ensure their well-being.

Measurable: Follow the listed action items to check how much time you are taking for yourself.

Attainable: This is achievable that can be met by scheduling these activities into their calendar.

Relevant: This goal is pertinent to ensure you don’t overwork yourself and take time for self-care.

Time-based: There is a three-week timeline for goal achievement.

3. Set Limits for Technology Use

“I understand the importance of staying connected, but I also know it can distract me from more important activities. Hence, I will set some limits for myself: I’ll only check my work email twice daily and will not answer calls after 6 pm.”

Specific: This goal outlines which activities (checking work emails and answering work calls) you’ll limit.

Measurable: You can count the times you check your emails and pick up work calls.

Attainable: Reducing the frequency you check emails and answer work calls is absolutely doable.

Relevant: Limiting these activities gives you more time to attend to important tasks.

Time-based: Check your emails twice daily and never answer work calls after 6 pm.

4. Communicate Assertively

“I will practice assertive communication in all my interactions with colleagues and clients within two months. I’ll employ ‘I’ statements, active listening, and other techniques to ensure that my needs are met without trampling on the needs of others.”

Specific: The goal states what communication skills will be practiced and how they will be used to interact with colleagues and clients.

Measurable: You can track how often you use assertive communication in interactions.

Attainable: Assertiveness can be learned with practice, so the two-month timeline is suitable for improving this skill.

Relevant: It is essential to communicate assertively with other people.

Time-based: The end date of two months provides enough time to reach success.

5. Stick to Your Decisions

“I want to stick to every decision I make by the end of two months. I will not let anyone pressure or influence me to change my decisions unless there are valid reasons; I’ll be more confident and trust my judgment.”

Specific: The SMART goal is explicit because it describes how to stick to one’s decisions.

Measurable: The person could evaluate how often they stuck to their decisions for two months.

Attainable: Sticking to decisions is feasible for many people.

Relevant: This is relevant to building self-confidence and trusting your judgment.

Time-based: Goal attainment is anticipated within two months.

6. Lean on Your Support System

“I’ll talk to a close friend, mentor, or trusted family member when I feel my boundaries are being pushed and need help setting them. I will prioritize my mental health by talking things out and leaning on others for support.”

Specific: You plan to talk with a close friend, mentor, or family member.

Measurable: You’ll determine progress by how often you reach out for help when needed.

Attainable: Finding someone you trust and can talk to about setting boundaries is possible.

Relevant: This goal is directly related to the issue of boundary setting.

Time-based: You should consider this an ongoing effort. Make sure to prioritize your mental health and find someone you can talk to regularly.

7. Speak Up for Yourself

“I will practice speaking up in conversations with friends and family once a week for the four months ahead. I want to use these conversations to practice my assertiveness and learn to communicate my needs.”

Specific: This statement focuses on learning to speak up and express your needs.

Measurable: Ensure you speak up in conversations with friends and family weekly for four months.

Attainable: Learning to express yourself takes practice but can be done over several months.

Relevant: Voicing your needs is an integral part of establishing boundaries.

Time-based: There is a timeline of four months for this goal.

8. Foster Healthy Relationships

“I will take the initiative to form relationships based on mutual respect and camaraderie with my colleagues for 8 months. I want to create a workplace atmosphere that encourages collaboration and teamwork.”

Specific: The individual wants to foster healthy relationships with their colleagues.

Measurable: You want to create a workplace atmosphere encouraging collaboration and teamwork.

Attainable: This goal is possible because you are simply taking the initiative to form relationships.

Relevant: This is appropriate since nurturing relationships will create a stronger workplace dynamic.

Time-based: You have an 8-month window to achieve the goal.

9. Establish Firm Rules

“I will adhere to specific rules to act professionally throughout the day. I’ll avoid taking too many personal calls, putting myself in vulnerable situations with colleagues, and discussing private health matters or finances. I’ll follow and enforce these rules no later than two weeks from now.”

Specific: The goal states the objective and what will be done to accomplish it.

Measurable: You could look at whether or not the rules are enforced within two weeks.

Attainable: This SMART goal is achievable because it requires a finite amount of time to set up and enforce rules.

Relevant: This is relevant because it helps you maintain professionalism at work.

Time-based: There is a two-week timeline for success.

10. Understand Your Triggers

“I’ll create a list of personal triggers that I have identified and put them in writing. I want to become aware of my reactions to certain situations so that I can work on improving. I plan to review this list every month for one year.”

Specific: This goal is explicit in that you want to create a list of personal triggers and review it regularly.

Measurable: Check off the boxes after reviewing the list each month.

Attainable: Creating a list of triggers is a realistic goal that can be achieved within a year.

Relevant: Understanding your triggers can allow you to improve in different areas of life.

Time-based: Completion of the goal is expected after a year.

11. Identify Limitations

“I’ll identify what I can and cannot tolerate in my relationships with others within a month. By reflecting on my values and boundaries, I will be better equipped to set healthy limits with those around me.”

Specific: The individual knows they must reflect on their values and boundaries.

Measurable: Ensure you identify what you can and cannot tolerate in relationships.

Attainable: This is definitely possible with adequate self-reflection.

Relevant: The statement is appropriate for the individual’s desire to set healthy boundaries.

Time-based: Goal attainment will be met within a month.

12. Avoid Overcommitment

“I will limit my commitments to no more than two major projects at any given time for 10 months. I understand that overcommitment can be counterproductive and create undue stress, so I’ll only take on tasks within my capacity.”

Specific: This goal outlines how many commitments you will take on and for how long (10 months).

Measurable: You could count the number of projects you’ve taken on.

Attainable: This particular goal is feasible as it’s not overly ambitious.

Relevant: Limiting commitments will reduce stress and create a healthier work-life balance.

Time-based: Ten months is required for goal achievement.

Final Thoughts

Establishing boundaries and reaching goals go hand in hand. Developing SMART goals can help us create effective boundaries, allowing us to achieve success with greater ease.

By adding clarity and structure to our lives, we can better identify our personal needs and wants, setting the stage for a more balanced lifestyle.

So don’t just sit there. Get SMART about your boundaries today. Make goals to create your desired life and start experiencing the benefits of improved balance.

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How to Set Boundaries

Boundaries are limits that you set with others, and they are essential to healthy relationships. Boundaries can be mental, physical, or emotional. Practicing the skill of setting boundaries with certain people, like close friends and family, can be tough. Here are some tips on setting boundaries, even when doing so feels like a challenge:

Identify what you are willing to accept and what is off limits in your relationships.
Your emotions play a major role in figuring out your limits. Listen to them! Validate feelings of discomfort or stress.
This is the hard part. You may worry about hurting someone’s feelings or making things awkward when setting boundaries. As long as the conversation is respectful and honest, however, a true friend or partner will understand and respect your boundaries. Try to communicate calmly and clearly.
Give your feelings and boundaries permission to be there
Stay aware of how your boundaries are being respected by others and also how you are respecting others boundaries. If boundaries are violated, acknowledge that, and consider returning to the conversation another time.
You can’t give to others unless you are feeling okay yourself. Self-care is crucial in maintaining a healthy life and healthy relationships. Boundaries are self-care.
If you are struggling with boundaries, reach out for help from someone in your circle of support. You can also connect with counselors at the Center for Counseling and Psychological Health for help with setting your boundaries.
Boundaries can be tough to set. Start small with a friend or family member you trust and see how setting your boundaries can transform your relationship.

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10 Journal Prompts for Setting Healthy Boundaries

Picture this: You’re standing in the middle of a crowded room, feeling overwhelmed and suffocated by the demands and expectations of others. You’re stretched thin, constantly giving and accommodating, but neglecting your own needs. Your life resembles a chaotic jigsaw puzzle, with blurry lines between where you end and others begin. Sound familiar? Welcome, my friend, to the world of boundaries—the invisible fences that protect our well-being and define who we are. Using journal prompts to set healthy boundaries is like taking ownership of our lives, creating spaces where we can flourish, love, and prioritize our own needs without guilt . But here’s the truth: it’s not always easy.

Setting Boundaries in a Fast-Paced World

In this fast-paced, hyperconnected world, where social media infiltrates every corner of our existence, setting boundaries has become more important than ever. We’re bombarded with endless demands, expectations, and intrusions into our personal lives. It’s no wonder we often find ourselves feeling depleted, frustrated, and disconnected.

That’s where journaling comes in . Think of it as your secret weapon in the battle for boundaries. Journaling provides a sanctuary—a safe space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and desires without judgment. It’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and self-awareness, allowing you to identify patterns, clarify your values, and navigate the complex terrain of boundaries.

In this blog post, we’ll embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we delve into ten journal prompts specifically designed to help you set healthy boundaries. These prompts will serve as a guiding light, illuminating the path toward self-respect, authenticity, and the freedom to create the life you truly desire.

So, grab your favorite journal, find a cozy spot, and let’s dive deep into the world of boundaries. Are you ready to reclaim your power and transform your relationships ? Let’s get started!

Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries. We’ve all heard the term, but what do they really mean? Boundaries are the invisible barriers we establish to protect our emotional , physical, and mental well-being. They define the limits of what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions with others. Think of them as the fences that safeguard our happiness, self-respect, and individuality.

Definition of Boundaries and Their Significance

Boundaries are like the operating system of our lives. They determine how much access we grant others to our time, energy, and personal space. They are the guidelines that preserve our autonomy, preventing us from becoming enmeshed or overwhelmed by the demands of others.

Setting healthy boundaries is not about being selfish or shutting people out—it’s about self-care and maintaining healthy relationships . Boundaries act as a filter, allowing in what aligns with our values and well-being while keeping out what depletes us.

Types of Boundaries

Boundaries come in various forms, each playing a vital role in maintaining our overall well-being. Let’s explore some of the key types:

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries protect our feelings and emotions. They involve recognizing and respecting our own emotions while acknowledging that others have their own emotional experiences.

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries revolve around personal space and touch. They encompass our comfort levels with physical contact and our ability to assert our boundaries regarding personal boundaries.

Mental Boundaries

Mental boundaries relate to our thoughts, beliefs, and values. They involve having the autonomy to think independently, holding our opinions, and respecting the mental autonomy of others.

Time Boundaries

Time boundaries involve valuing and protecting our time. They include setting limits on commitments, saying “no” when necessary, and creating space for self-care and personal pursuits.

Benefits of Establishing Healthy Boundaries

The importance of healthy boundaries cannot be overstated. When we establish and maintain healthy boundaries, we experience several significant benefits:

Self-Respect and Empowerment: Healthy boundaries are a reflection of self-respect. They communicate to others that we value ourselves and our needs, empowering us to advocate for what we truly desire.

Improved Relationships: Boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships. They foster clear communication , respect, and mutual understanding. By setting boundaries, we establish the space for genuine connection and trust.

Enhanced Emotional Well-being: Boundaries create emotional stability and reduce stress . They allow us to protect our emotional energy, preventing us from being drained or overwhelmed by the emotions of others.

Personal Growth and Autonomy: Boundaries provide the space for personal growth and self-discovery. They enable us to pursue our passions, interests, and goals, fostering a sense of autonomy and fulfillment.

Understanding boundaries and their significance is the first step towards setting healthy ones. Now that we’ve explored the importance of boundaries and their benefits, let’s dive into the transformative power of journaling in the realm of boundary-setting.

The Role of Journaling in Setting Boundaries

Journaling, the act of putting pen to paper and pouring out our thoughts and emotions, has long been regarded as a powerful tool for self-reflection and self-discovery. When it comes to setting boundaries, journal prompts become an indispensable ally in our journey toward self-awareness and personal growth.

How Journaling Fosters Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness

Journaling provides a sacred space where we can explore the inner workings of our minds and hearts. By putting our thoughts into words, we gain clarity and insight into our emotions, desires, and values. It becomes a mirror that reflects our true selves, enabling us to identify patterns, uncover blind spots, and understand the intricacies of our boundary needs.

By using journal prompts for boundaries, we develop a heightened sense of self-awareness. We become attuned to the subtle shifts in our emotions, the moments when our boundaries are tested or violated, and the impact it has on our overall well-being. It’s an opportunity to pause, observe, and understand ourselves on a deeper level.

Journaling as a Safe Space for Expression

One of the most beautiful aspects of journaling is the freedom it grants us to express ourselves authentically and without judgment. In the pages of our journal, we can unleash our true thoughts and emotions, exploring the nuances of our boundary struggles without fear of repercussions.

When we write, our subconscious mind often reveals insights and revelations we might not have been aware of otherwise. We can explore the reasons behind our boundary challenges, delve into childhood experiences that shaped our beliefs, and untangle the web of expectations and societal pressures that have influenced our perception of boundaries.

Journaling as a Tool for Identifying Boundary Violations and Patterns

As we engage in the practice of journaling, we start to notice recurring themes, situations, or individuals that challenge our boundaries. By documenting these experiences, we gain a greater understanding of our triggers and vulnerabilities. We begin to identify patterns and recurring behaviors that contribute to boundary violations, enabling us to take proactive steps in protecting our well-being.

Journaling also serves as a reference point, allowing us to track our progress and growth in setting boundaries. We can look back on previous entries and witness the evolution of our boundary-setting skills, celebrating our victories and learning from our setbacks.

In the realm of boundaries, journal prompts serves as a compass, guiding us toward self-respect, authenticity, and healthier relationships. It helps us navigate the delicate balance between self-care and the needs of others, ensuring that we establish boundaries that align with our values and promote our overall well-being.

Now that we understand the transformative power of journaling in setting boundaries, let’s embark on an exploration of ten journal prompts specifically designed to assist you in this empowering journey.

Prompt 1: Reflect on past experiences where your boundaries were crossed and describe how it made you feel.
Prompt 2: Define your core values and identify how they align with your boundaries.
Prompt 3: List the areas in your life where you struggle to set boundaries and explore why.
Prompt 4: Imagine your ideal boundaries in various relationships and write about how they would look and feel.
Prompt 5: Describe your personal limits and non-negotiables in different aspects of your life.
Prompt 6: Reflect on any guilt or discomfort you experience when asserting your boundaries and explore their origins.
Prompt 7: Journal about the impact of setting boundaries on your overall well-being and self-esteem .
Prompt 8: Create a plan for communicating your boundaries effectively with others.
Prompt 9: Visualize potential challenges or resistance you may encounter when setting boundaries and brainstorm ways to overcome them.
Prompt 10: Reflect on your progress in setting boundaries and celebrate your achievements.

Book Recommendations That Will Help You Set Healthy Boundaries

“boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no” by dr. henry cloud and dr. john townsend.

Synopsis : In this widely acclaimed book, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend delve into the topic of boundaries and provide practical guidance on how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in various aspects of life. Drawing from real-life stories and biblical principles, the authors offer insights, strategies, and actionable steps to help readers gain control over their lives and nurture healthier relationships.

Review : “Boundaries” is a transformative read that has helped countless individuals overcome the challenges of setting boundaries. The authors’ compassionate approach, combined with their expertise in psychology and spirituality, makes this book a comprehensive guide for anyone seeking to take charge of their boundaries. With relatable examples and practical advice, it empowers readers to make positive changes and create a life filled with healthier connections and personal growth.

“The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown

Synopsis : In this powerful book, renowned researcher and storyteller Brené Brown explores the concept of embracing imperfections and cultivating self-compassion . By letting go of societal expectations and embracing authenticity, readers can establish healthier boundaries and navigate relationships from a place of self-worth. Brown’s engaging writing style, personal anecdotes, and research-based insights make this book an inspiring and practical resource for setting boundaries while embracing vulnerability.

Review : “The Gifts of Imperfection” is a game-changer for anyone struggling with setting boundaries due to fears of judgment and rejection . Brené Brown’s compassionate and relatable storytelling creates a safe space for readers to explore their vulnerabilities and transform their relationship with boundaries. With her guidance, readers will discover the strength in embracing imperfections and develop the courage to set boundaries that align with their true selves.

“Where to Draw the Line” by Anne Katherine

Synopsis : “Where to Draw the Line” offers a practical roadmap for setting healthy boundaries in everyday life. Anne Katherine, an experienced therapist, provides clear strategies, examples, and exercises to help readers identify their boundary needs and communicate them effectively. The book covers a wide range of boundary-related topics, including personal relationships, work , and self-care, making it a valuable resource for those seeking to establish and maintain boundaries in various areas of their lives.

Review : Anne Katherine’s “Where to Draw the Line” is a comprehensive handbook for navigating the complex terrain of boundary-setting. The book is filled with practical tools and techniques that readers can immediately apply to their daily lives. Katherine’s empathetic approach, combined with her expertise in psychology, creates a supportive and informative reading experience. Whether you’re new to setting boundaries or seeking to enhance your existing skills, this book is an invaluable resource.

“The Assertiveness Guide for Women” by Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW

Synopsis : In this empowering guide, therapist Julie de Azevedo Hanks addresses the unique challenges women face when setting boundaries. Through real-life stories and practical exercises, readers will learn to assert themselves, communicate effectively, and establish boundaries that honor their needs and values. From navigating relationships to dealing with guilt and people-pleasing tendencies, this book equips women with the tools and confidence to set and maintain healthy boundaries.

Review : “The Assertiveness Guide for Women” is a must-read for any woman looking to reclaim her power and set healthier boundaries. Julie de Azevedo Hanks combines her professional expertise with personal insights, creating a guide that is relatable, empowering, and highly relevant to the experiences of women. The book addresses the specific societal and cultural factors that can make boundary-setting challenging for women and offers practical strategies to overcome these obstacles. Hanks’ compassionate and supportive tone resonates throughout the book, making it an invaluable resource for any woman seeking to assert herself, communicate her needs, and establish healthy boundaries.

“Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie

Synopsis : In “Codependent No More,” Melody Beattie delves into the concept of codependency—a pattern of unhealthy reliance on others—and provides a roadmap for breaking free from codependent behaviors. By nurturing self-care, self-esteem, and healthy boundaries, readers can transform their relationships and reclaim their own lives. With personal stories, practical exercises, and compassionate guidance, this book offers a pathway to greater self-awareness, autonomy, and the establishment of healthy boundaries.

Review : Melody Beattie’s “Codependent No More” is a classic in the field of personal growth and boundary-setting. The book explores the intricate dynamics of codependency and provides readers with invaluable tools to break free from unhealthy patterns. Beattie’s compassionate and non-judgmental approach creates a safe space for self-reflection and growth. By integrating the principles of self-care and boundary-setting, readers can embark on a transformative journey toward healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

Each of these books offers unique insights and practical guidance to help you set better personal boundaries. Whether you’re seeking to establish boundaries in your relationships, workplace, or personal life, these resources will equip you with the knowledge and tools to create a life filled with self-respect, authenticity, and healthier connections. Happy reading and boundary-setting!

Final Thoughts

Congratulations on completing this transformative journey into the realm of setting healthy boundaries! We’ve explored the significance of boundaries, the role of journal prompts in fostering self-reflection, and discovered valuable book recommendations to further enhance your boundary-setting skills.

Remember, setting boundaries is a lifelong practice—a continuous journey of self-discovery, growth, and self-care. It’s not always easy, and there will be moments of uncertainty and challenges along the way. But armed with the power of journaling, self-awareness, and the wisdom gained from the recommended books, you now possess the tools to navigate the terrain of boundaries with confidence and compassion.

As you embark on this journey, keep these journal prompts close at hand. Use them as your compass to guide you through the process of identifying your needs, communicating assertively, and nurturing relationships that align with your values. Journaling is your trusted ally—a space where you can delve into your inner world, gain clarity, and refine your boundary-setting skills.

Boundaries are about self-love and self-respect

Remember, boundaries are an act of self-love and self-respect. By setting healthy boundaries, you are honoring your needs, nurturing your well-being, and creating space for authentic connections. Embrace the power of saying “yes” to yourself and “no” when necessary, for it is through these choices that you reclaim your personal power and create a life that aligns with your true desires.

So, grab your journal, continue to explore the journal prompts for boundaries, and trust the process. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate this transformative journey. Celebrate your progress and learn from the challenges along the way. Most importantly, remember that setting healthy boundaries is an ongoing practice—a lifelong commitment to your own well-being and personal growth.

Now, armed with the knowledge, insights, and journaling prompts shared in this blog post, it’s time to step into a life where boundaries are respected, relationships thrive, and you embrace your true self with open arms.

Here’s to setting healthy boundaries and living a life filled with authenticity, self-respect, and meaningful connections. Cheers to your continued growth and empowerment!

Setting Firm and Consistent Boundaries With Your Family

Here’s how to navigate establishing boundaries within family dynamics..

Posted January 2, 2024 | Reviewed by Ray Parker

Boundaries are the limits we set with other people.
Consistency is vital when it comes to setting boundaries.
Research shows that setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can have numerous benefits.

Picture this: It's Sunday evening, and your phone rings; it's your cousin—again. She wants to vent about her life problems for the third time this week. You're exhausted, you've had a long day, and you only want some quiet time.

But saying "no" feels like an offense, so you reluctantly pick up the call. The boundary has been crossed yet again.

This scenario, or a variation of it, is a familiar one for many. We often find ourselves in situations where our boundaries are constantly tested, especially by family members who may not understand or respect them. So, how do we navigate this, especially when we put others' feelings before our own?

Boundaries and What They Mean

In psychological terms, boundaries are the limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards us. They help define who we are and help us maintain our mental and emotional health. They are not walls to keep others out; they are guidelines that help us express our needs and expectations clearly and assertively.

Consistency is vital when it comes to setting boundaries. When we are inconsistent, it sends mixed signals to others about what we find acceptable. This can lead to confusion and more boundary violations. Being consistent means expressing your boundaries verbally and reinforcing them through your actions. If you say you need some quiet time in the evenings, don't answer non-emergency calls during this time.

For instance, regarding that scenario with a cousin, setting an effective boundary would involve articulating your need for quiet time in the evenings. You could gently explain that while you're always ready to lend an ear, you prefer these lengthy conversations at more convenient times.

An example of this might be:

"I am glad to be a safe sounding board for you. However, with my current schedule, the evening is the only time I can unwind and recharge my energy for the next day. Therefore, I'd appreciate it if we could schedule our calls for earlier in the day or perhaps during the weekend. This way, I can give you my full attention without feeling drained."

The key is to communicate your needs assertively but empathetically, conveying your need for boundaries while validating the other person's feelings.

How to Set Boundaries: A Step-by-Step Guide

Identify Your Boundaries : The first step is understanding what your boundaries are. Reflect on situations where you felt uncomfortable or disrespected. This will give you a starting point.
Communicate Clearly : Once you know your limits, express them clearly. For example, "I love hearing from you, but I need the evenings to unwind. Can we chat during the day instead?"
Say No Assertively : It's OK to say no. You have the right to your time and energy. Remember, no is a complete sentence.
Reinforce with Actions : Your actions should match your words. Don't pick up the phone if you've said no to evening calls.
Practice Patience : Setting boundaries is a process. It may take time for others to adjust. Be patient with yourself and them.

The Research on Boundaries

Research has shown that setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can have numerous benefits. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology , individuals with clear personal boundaries are less likely to burn out , experience psychological distress, and are more capable of managing interpersonal conflicts.

Setting boundaries isn't just about protecting ourselves; it's about fostering healthier relationships. When we set boundaries, we teach others how to treat us, but we also learn to respect the boundaries of others, leading to mutual respect and understanding. This is particularly beneficial in family dynamics, where emotions run high and lines often blur.

Establishing firm and consistent boundaries may seem daunting, especially with family members who don't quite understand their importance. However, with patience, assertiveness , and consistency, it is possible to create a balance that respects your mental and emotional health while maintaining healthy family relationships.

Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D. , is a psychotherapist and blogger, who teaches in the Department of Counseling at Barry University.

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Asking Eric: Navigating unwanted reconnections – setting boundaries gracefully

Published: Jun. 28, 2024, 8:30 a.m.

Asking Eric: Navigating unwanted reconnections – setting boundaries gracefully Getty Images/PhotoAlto

R. Eric Thomas

Dear Eric: I am completely befuddled by interactions with a classmate from grad school. We were not friends but our class wasn’t large and we did many of the same activities. She invited me to her wedding in the second year of school, which was a bit weird because we weren’t friends, but fine.

In our final year of school, many people found out where they would be heading for their first job on the same day. This person had never before called or texted me, but somehow got my cellphone number, called me, and proceeded to tell me how fabulous their job was. This person then asked if I had been hired. I said yes. They asked who had hired me. I told them. The person then hung up on me – presumably because my job was marginally “fancier” than theirs? I don’t know.

I haven’t heard from this person since then (which was about 10 years ago). About a month ago, they added me on LinkedIn, which I just got because I hate it, though I need it for work. Yesterday, she messaged me as if we were old friends and told me she was coming to a city three hours away from me. She said, “I’l l pencil you in for dinner on Wednesday!”

I find this incredibly weird and presumptuous. I told her I might have a conflict, as I am trying to plan a trip with friends around that time (which is true, but even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t travel three hours to see her).

Should I just keep making excuses for why I can’t see her? Should I say something more direct?

– Un-Linked

Dear Un-Linked: The presumptuousness of your friend takes my breath away. I can only assume that she has a very different idea of what your relationship is than you do. But that’s not your problem, especially considering you haven’t talked in 10 years. You don’t owe her excuses and you certainly don’t owe her a dinner date three hours away. You could simply block her on LinkedIn and never think of it again, but if social media networks have taught us anything it’s that nothing is ever really gone forever. Or to quote Katy Perry, “Just because it’s over doesn’t mean it’s really over.”

You need this to be over, and if you ghost her now, this not-friend is sure to pop up on some yet-to-be-invented app 10 years from now with a grudge and a brunch reservation for the two of you. Yikes!

Instead, reply to the LinkedIn message that you’re, unfortunately, not free for dinner. You appreciate the invite but as it’s been so long, you don’t have the capacity to rekindle a friendship and catch up right now. You ought to end with something conclusive rather than open-ended. So, not “maybe next time you’re in town” but rather “I’m glad you’re doing well. Wishing you all the best.”

It’s clear something’s keeping this person from interacting with you in a comprehensible manner. Maybe it’s her personality, maybe there’s something more complex going on? Either way, you’ll want to be clear about your boundaries so that she’ll hopefully hear what you’re saying and leave you alone.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com .)

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More From Forbes

Why the ‘soft life’ trend is crushing hustle culture—by a psychologist.

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The “soft life” trend is all about choosing peace and self-care over constant hustle and stress. But ... [+] how do we find this elusive sense of balance. Here are three ways to get you started.

If you’ve spent any time on social media, you’ve likely noticed the rise of “the soft life”—a relaxed, uncomplicated lifestyle that values peace and ease over stress and hustle culture.

The term “soft life” originated within the Nigerian influencer community and has since spread globally, largely through social media platforms. This movement emphasizes comfort, relaxation and the prioritization of personal well-being over relentless productivity and societal expectations.

“I don’t know who needs to hear this but that whole strong Black woman narrative, it doesn’t apply to me. I live a soft life. I am a dainty princess. I will fall out at the drop of a minor inconvenience,” said Brittany , a lifestyle blogger on a TikTok posted in March 2022.

While Brittany comically exaggerates the needs of a soft life enthusiast, there are real benefits it promises. Here are key insights from the soft life movement, should it spark your fancy.

1. Rejecting Hustle Culture

Many individuals, especially millennials, grew up immersed in the ethos of #hustleculture and the “rise and grind” mentality—equating success with relentless hard work. This mentality promotes maximizing productivity even at the cost of physical and mental well-being.

However, the trend of maximizing output and making sacrifices to “earn more money to live more” is falling out of fashion . Increasingly, people are recognizing that living their best life isn’t solely defined by immense material success or societal standards.

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According to a recent KeyBank survey , Americans are rejecting hustle culture and moving towards a softlife in the wake of rising cost of living. 72% of respondents prefer to define success through a soft-life lens—emphasizing happiness, contentment and fulfillment. Meanwhile, 54% of people believe that hustle culture—which measures success by wealth, status and achievement—can result in burnout.

The #softlife movement, which has garnered millions of views on TikTok , emphasizes creating healthy boundaries and prioritizing well-being. This lifestyle rejects the notion that success requires compromising on one’s well-being and instead promotes a balanced approach to work and life, ensuring that personal health is not sacrificed at the altar of professional achievement.

2. Revitalizing Health With Self-Care

Living a soft life involves prioritizing mental and physical health. This can include regular self-care routines and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation. This approach counters the constant pressure to perform and achieve.

According to the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health , over one in five U.S. adults (57.8 million) live with a mental illness, with a higher prevalence among females and young adults aged 18-25 years old. This underscores the urgent need to prioritize mental health and develop effective strategies for managing mental well-being.

A systematic review conducted in 2023 identified various self-care essentials that were considered highly relevant by young people struggling with mental health difficulties. You or a struggling loved one could use the following as a checklist to gauge the quality of your mental health status:

Self-awareness includes recognizing and understanding one’s own mental health needs and emotions. This involves being in tune with one’s feelings and thoughts to address mental health challenges effectively.
Self-compassion entails showing kindness and understanding towards oneself, especially during difficult times. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same care and empathy as one would offer to a friend in need.
Monitoring well-being involves keeping track of one’s emotional state and overall mental health status. Regularly monitoring well-being allows individuals to identify changes or patterns that may require attention.
Maintaining physical health. This includes practices such as exercise, eating nutritious food and getting adequate sleep to promote overall health.
Creating supportive social structures. Establishing a network of support from friends, family or professionals can provide emotional assistance and practical help during challenging times.
Balancing your day. Striving to find equilibrium in daily routines and responsibilities. Balancing activities involves managing various aspects of life to prevent being overwhelmed.
Relaxation. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or hobbies can help alleviate tension and promote calmness.
Personal care. Attending personal hygiene and creating self-care routines not only contribute to your well-being but also an overarching sense of self-respect.
Improving life satisfaction. Engaging in activities that enhance your overall life satisfaction can bring you joy, fulfillment and a sense of purpose.

3. Living Intentionally While Creating Boundaries

Soft life is about being intentional with your time and energy. It encourages making conscious decisions that align with your values and bring you peace rather than succumbing to external pressures and expectations.

Living a soft life doesn’t mean avoiding responsibilities or being frivolous. Instead, it involves honestly recognizing your limits and committing to what you can manage rather than overcommitting and becoming stressed.

Setting boundaries between work and personal life is a core component of the soft life. When work-life boundaries are blurred , people experience an increase in emotional exhaustion and waning happiness, according to a December 2023 study published in Frontiers of Psychology .

A healthy lifestyle can mitigate these effects, but those with blurred boundaries often struggle to maintain healthy behaviors, deteriorating their emotional well-being further. Setting simple boundaries can look like:

Defining work hours. Sticking to a set schedule and avoiding working outside those hours. Communicating availability to colleagues and supervisors.
Setting priorities. Focusing on completing the most important tasks first and avoiding overcommitting to projects. Learning to say no when your plate is full.
Managing meeting times. Scheduling meetings during productive hours and avoiding unnecessary meetings. Setting clear agendas to keep meetings concise and focused.
Communicating clearly. Discussing boundaries with the team and supervisors to ensure they understand and respect your limits.
Disconnecting from work. Turning off work-related notifications on the phone or computer after hours to avoid the temptation of checking in.

The soft life trend is more than a fleeting social media phenomenon; it represents a fundamental shift in how people approach their lives and work. It focuses on inner peace, well-being and prioritizing what truly brings joy and fulfillment. For those who often find themselves catching up with their clock or too tired to do anything after work, it might be time to step into their soft life era.

Is your self-care routine serving you well or does it need work? Take the Self-Care Inventory to learn more.

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Cardinals Rising Star Set To Begin Rehab Assignment Following Stint On IL

Nate hagerty | jun 28, 2024.

Jul 29, 2023; St. Louis, Missouri, USA; A general view of Busch Stadium during the second inning of a game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Chicago Cubs. Mandatory Credit: Jeff Curry-USA TODAY Sports

St. Louis Cardinals

The St. Louis Cardinals have managed to compete despite being faced with a plethora of injuries but fortunately, they should have a vital part of their roster back soon.

After spending nearly a month on the injured list, a young Cardinals star player has reached a major milestone on his road to recovery -- indicating a return is near.

"Injury Update: outfielder Lars Nootbaar will begin an injury rehab assignment tonight in (Double-A) Springfield," the Cardinals announced Friday afternoon.

Nootbaar was sidelined after suffering an oblique strain from a checked swing on May 29 in a 5-3 victory against the division-rival Cincinnati Reds.

The 26-year-old is projected to play five innings in the field on Friday for Double-A Springfield and will ramp it up depending on how comfortable he feels. Nootbaar will likely spend multiple games in the minors to work on his timing at the plate and get his body back in shape to return to St. Louis.

The young outfielder has missed a considerable amount of time this season due to injuries -- the first being a left rib contusion right before Opening Day. Nonetheless, his presence was felt in the 39 games he played, where he logged .234/.337/.404 with five home runs and 19 RBIs.

It will be great to have Nootbaar back in the lineup to help further strengthen the Cardinals' efforts to establish themselves as legitimate playoff contenders.

More MLB: Cardinals Reportedly Promote Top Prospect To Alleviate Bullpen Exhaustion

NATE HAGERTY

Nate Hagerty joined “Inside The Cardinals” as a content creator to spread knowledge about his favorite childhood team. A hometown native of Boston, Hagerty chose at an early age of six years old to follow the St. Louis Cardinals. The miraculous season of 04’ for the Red Sox did not deter Hagerty from rooting against his hometown team, nor did it in 2013 against the Red Birds. For all business/marketing inquiries regarding Inside The Cardinals, please reach out to Scott Neville: [email protected]

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Setting Boundaries: Info and Practice
The Setting Boundaries worksheet will help teach your clients to set healthy boundaries by covering language for speaking assertively, boundary-setting tips, examples, and practice exercises. When using this handout with a group or individual, be sure to explore each section in depth. Delve deeper into "Know Your Boundaries" by exploring ...
14 Worksheets for Setting Healthy Boundaries
14 Worksheets for Setting Healthy Boundaries. 19 Feb 2024 by Jeremy Sutton, Ph.D. Setting healthy, unapologetic boundaries offers peace and freedom where life was previously overwhelming and chaotic. When combined with practicing assertiveness and self-discipline, boundary setting can support us in creating the life we want — one of ...
How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships
It does not entail making demands, but it requires people to listen to you. Setting healthy boundaries requires you to assert your needs and priorities as a form of self-care. Tawwab outlines three easy steps to setting healthy boundaries: Step 1. Be as clear and as straightforward as possible. Do not raise your voice.
PDF HANDOUT 1 Setting Boundaries in Relationships
especting, honoring, and caring for yourself.Option 1: In a real-life situation this week, try setting a. oundary with either yourself or someone else.Option 2: Memorize your. top three ways to say "no" to substances.Option 3: Pick a role play from Handout. or 3, and write out how you would handle.
Setting Boundaries
Know Your Boundaries. Boundaries should be based on your values, or the things that are important to you. For example, if you value spending time with family, set firm boundaries about working late. Your boundaries are yours, and yours alone. Many of your boundaries might align with those who are close to you, but others will be unique.
Setting the Stage for Success: Therapeutic Homework for Boundaries
Therapeutic homework provides individuals with practical exercises and activities to deepen their understanding of boundaries and develop the necessary skills to set and maintain them. These assignments are typically tailored to the individual's unique needs and therapeutic goals. Homework assignments may include self-reflection exercises to ...
A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries
A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries. Summary. Boundaries are limits we identify for ourselves, and apply through action or communication. When we define what we need to feel secure and healthy ...
PDF ACTIVITY: Creating Healthy Boundaries
PowerPoint Presentation. ACTIVITY: Creating Healthy Boundaries. Purpose. • Boost resiliency and avoid burnout by setting healthy boundaries with colleagues, family, and friends. Background. ESTIMATED TIME. 15 minutes. Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish between ourselves and other people.
Free Boundary Setting Tools
Get your free mini guide! Enjoy a free copy of this mini guide + receive occasional announcements, special offers, tips, and other resources to help you set better boundaries. Free boundary worksheets, guides, and tools to make setting boundaries easier. Learn to set boundaries with these free resources.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries With Anyone
Here are some tips for setting boundaries in an intimate partnership: Resist reactivity: Set the tone for the talk by being calm. If you're angry, upset, and aggravated, it may trigger your partner to become reactive. Pick a time when you're both relaxed and receptive to the conversation.
How to Set Boundaries
5 tips on how to set boundaries. Identity the big why. Think about why we want to set boundaries. Health care professionals specifically and humans in general can do hard things when they understand the big why of meaning & purpose. It can be hard to say no even if we want to; in this case, focus what you're saying yes to: authenticity, health ...
How to Set Boundaries for Your Empathy
Here are some ways to set healthy boundaries and ensure your empathy won't harm you. Practice More Self-Awareness. Start by being mindful of how you feel and how the emotions of others affect you ...
How is Life Tree(ting) You?: Trust, Safety, and Respect
How to Set Boundaries . First, it's important to be aware of what is impacting you and what your tendencies are. Before setting a boundary, take time to reflect on your needs, struggles, and how it's impacting your relationships. Say your boss calls you after work hours, which interferes with your time to rest or focus on school assignments.
Managing Your Boundaries
Strong personal boundaries establish your right to meet your own needs. They empower and enable you to control your emotional well-being, and to maintain healthy spaces between you and other people, so that you can work and interact more effectively with them. If you don't maintain boundaries, your work and well-being can suffer.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Healthy boundaries serve to: Encourage autonomy and reduce codependent habits. Set expectations when interacting with others. Give you a sense of empowerment and self-respect. Ensure your physical and emotional comfort. Clarify individual responsibilities in a relationship.
Setting Boundaries: The Definitive Guide
Boundaries reduce the time you spend on others' behalf and enable your ability to further your own Happily Ever After. Boundaries that align with your top five values enhance what makes you happy and minimizes frustration, disappointment, and unhappiness. Setting boundaries is essential for living a happier, more fulfilling life.
3 Steps for Creating Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Talk with another about the boundary and why it is important for you. Be honest and direct, not blaming as you talk about a boundary. This is about building trust with another person. You might ...
Boundaries Info Sheet
Educate your clients about the importance of healthy boundaries with the aid of the Boundaries Info Sheet. The first page of this worksheet describes the difference between rigid, porous, and healthy boundaries through the use of examples and logically organized information. The second page of this boundaries printout describes various types of ...
12 SMART Goals Examples for Setting Boundaries
Here are 12 examples of SMART goals for establishing boundaries: 1. Say No More Often. "I will practice saying 'no' more often for three months to have healthier boundaries and create a better work-life balance. I want to take on projects and tasks within my limits but not stretch myself so thin that I can't succeed.".
How to Set Boundaries : Student Success : UMass Amherst
Give yourself permission. Give your feelings and boundaries permission to be there. Practice self-awareness. Stay aware of how your boundaries are being respected by others and also how you are respecting others boundaries. If boundaries are violated, acknowledge that, and consider returning to the conversation another time. Prioritize self-care.
10 Journal Prompts for Setting Healthy Boundaries
Prompt 1: Reflect on past experiences where your boundaries were crossed and describe how it made you feel. Prompt 2: Define your core values and identify how they align with your boundaries. Prompt 3: List the areas in your life where you struggle to set boundaries and explore why.
Setting Firm and Consistent Boundaries With Your Family
How to Set Boundaries: A Step-by-Step Guide. Identify Your Boundaries: The first step is understanding what your boundaries are. Reflect on situations where you felt uncomfortable or disrespected ...
Setting Boundaries in a Relationship is So Important, and Here's Why
Ultimately, setting boundaries in a relationship is not merely a suggestion; it's a necessity. Boundaries preserve individuality, foster trust, prevent conflicts, and contribute to overall ...
How to Say No Politely and Effectively—Without Feeling Guilty
Setting boundaries. "Ultimately, saying no is making a boundary that protects both you and the other person," she says. "Ultimately, saying no is making a boundary that protects both you and ...
Asking Eric: Navigating unwanted reconnections
Either way, you'll want to be clear about your boundaries so that she'll hopefully hear what you're saying and leave you alone. (Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P ...
If you use these 3 phrases at work, you have healthier boundaries than
One way to keep your job from draining you is to set boundaries around who you interact with an what tasks you take on.
Why The 'Soft Life' Trend Is Crushing Hustle Culture—By ...
Setting boundaries between work and personal life is a core component of the soft life. When work-life boundaries are blurred, people experience an increase in emotional exhaustion and waning ...
'But I'm a Cheerleader' and why it broke boundaries in 1999
Originally an outlier amid a glut of '90s teen romcoms, one indie film with a femme lesbian lead, set in a hyper-artificial gay-conversion camp, has since become one of the era's most beloved ...
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Jul 29, 2023; St. Louis, Missouri, USA; A general view of Busch Stadium during the second inning of a game between the St. Louis Cardinals and the Chicago Cubs.
How to get back your work-life balance with tech
Summary is AI-generated, newsroom-reviewed. Set boundaries for work-life balance using technology. Schedule your outgoing messages to send at a reasonable time. Allow urgent contact methods for ...

How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships

This Article Contains:

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Setting boundaries at work

Healthy boundaries in friendships

Boundaries in relationships

1. Visualizing Your Boundaries

2. The Personal Boundary Continuum – A Self-Reflection Tool

3. How to Set Boundaries – Saying No

4. How to Set Boundaries – Stating What You Want

5. Group Boundary Setting Exercise

6. Dealing With Boundary Violations

7. Setting Internal Boundaries

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

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Setting Relationship Boundaries

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Setting Boundaries at Work

Boundary Exercises

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Try it out with your team

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Resources & References

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Stanford Resources

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